australian survivor dumb recap

DUMB SURVIVOR RECAP: Luke Discovers Life On Planet Earth & Odette Is There

It’s a new week of Australian Survivor and a brand spankin’ new chance to get REAL DUMB while recapping last night’s ep.

The episode kicks off with everyone leaving ‘Fire Chat’ and arguing with each other. It seems to be all over a bad batch of spag-bol.

They all seem angry even though no one went home and no one even ate pasta. It’s a lot of confusing garbage. Here’s tribe member Hermit McCrab hiding from all the drama.

‘Ain’t nobody got time for that?!’

Luke is complaining and sayin’ that Pete couldn’t handle Ass-Haver, so that’s why he left. Errr, I thought it was cos he was literally about to be thrown under the bus and into a fire pit.

Model Sarah calls Luke “shifty”. Is Luke the new Shifty AK? Looks like it.

SARAH IS SUCH A BOSS. AS OF TODAY, I LOVE HER.

Pete is back in Summer-Towel. He is very happy but little does he know, that team alpha’s Pretty Mc Tall Boy and Yogi Bear Henry don’t want him there. Henry is pissssssed, and along with┬áhis island boyfy Locky he’s panicking.

‘What will become of me – the jungle king – and my jungle princess Locky…?’

Luke works out that he is probz about to be evicted. As a result, he sets off “idol hunting” to save his ass.

I don’t think he knows what an idol looks like. He starts pulling plants from the earth.

Does he think the idol grows inside a plant or the plant is the idol?

Either way, he starts uprooting every tree he sees and even grabs a plant to take with him.

‘Hey hostie, got me a coconut tree here! I’m now invincible, yea, yea?’

Over at Silly-Toe Pete, Tessa, Jarrad and Ziggy decide they are gonna team up. They have their eye on Henry to evict next. Noooo! Not my precious yogi baby!

HE IS THE TRIBE’S ANSWER TO JESUS.

However, Jarrad worries that if Henry goes, Locky will be upset cos they have this… “weird romance together”.

IT. IS. CONFIRMED. Lenry are officially shipped.

Next up, it’s game time with Hostie Mc Biceps, the teams have to climb up a wooden pyramid in the sea and hold on to a rope. It’s a rubbish challenge and mostly gives Hostie the chance to taunt the others. He sledges them with insults and exposes their deepest insecurities.

The three boys with the biggest egos – Locky, Henry and Luke – whimp out first. They can’t take the damage to their self-esteem.

‘Hey Locky, Henry has a better beard than you!! Ya beard is shit-house m8!’

‘Lieeees!!!’ *falls while sobbing*

‘Yo Luke, Santa Clause doesn’t exist.’

‘You gotta be kidding me bro, my whole life is a lieee, buddy wacka wacka yo yo for real bananas bro bro’

(I never understand what Luke is sayin’)

‘Sup Henry, Locky never truly loved youuuuu!’

‘I can’t believe it. My heart breaks, I’m falling into the sea just like I fell for that pretty island prince!!’

Every one slowly falls into the sea as Hostie ups his insults.

The team that doesn’t have an Olympian on it loses. We are all once again shook that Ziggy the Olympian keeps winning everything.

Over at Ass-Hanger, they are all plotting to get rid of Odette. Wait? Which one is Odette…

Odette?

Odette?

Odette?

Via TV Week

Oh here she is… lying in the sun…doing nothing.

At ‘Fire Chat’, every one is getting SAVAGE.

Sarah is saying things to mess with people’s minds. Cookie Monster talks about hitting people with arrows. Odette says you should kill your threats. JFC! Everyone is talking about actual murder.

They write down names. Odette thinks she is safe. She is not. Buh-bye Odette.

We hardly knew thee, but you sure did do nothing but avoid the cameras a lot.