DUMB SURVIVOR RECAP: This Week’s Recap Is A Dedication To Yoga Poser Henry

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This week’s Survivor was the most intense episodes the season has ever seen. It was so nail-biting, I found myself screaming my lungs out at the TV last night. Mostly because this week my man, my fave, my number one ride-or-die Henry got booted.

So rather than the regular dumb recap, this will be a thorough (but dumb) analysis into Henry’s undoing.

How did we get here. What went wrong for the island king? Did he not do enough faux-yoga? Was his golden tresses not shiny enough? Did he not look enough like the second coming of Jesus Christ?

It all kicked off with the tribal merge on Sunday night. Jarrad was soon after voted off, which ticked off Tessa, Peter and Ziggy. Their alliance was fucked.

It was here that they worked out Locky was firmly on Henry’s team and decided to break up Somoa’s hottest couple. As if, Locky would vote against his island boyfy?!

‘I’m with you my beautiful Zen Hen, but we can’t be too obvious that we’ve teamed up!’

‘But can I trust you, or is this Harry/Zayn all over again?’

‘I’m your man. We’re a team. I’ll never leave you.’

‘It’s you and me together until the end, yeah?’

‘Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes.’

‘Okay, we need to play this cool. Let’s look in different directions so no one thinks we are talking.’

‘Good idea, you are ever so wise my special man.’

With Jarrad gone, the old Summer-Towel alliance planned to go after Locky. With Anneliese planning to use her idol, this would then send the taller half of Lenry home.

But luckily Ziggy became an idiot, and decided to save Locky so Anneliese was evicted.

With Locky almost getting the boot, Lenry had to regroup. The couple stepped literally two metres from the group for a D&M.

‘Okay now let’s talk about us…’

‘So Henry, you’re going to play the idol, right? To ensure our future together?’

‘Henry…?’

‘Yeah yeah… I’ll use my idol. I’m not a complete idiot.’

‘Of course not. You’re my light, my soul, my everything. I can’t wait for us to start our lives together as Somoa’s lord and lady.’

Just when we thought every thing was going to work out, Henry got all Zen Hen, staring out into the ocean and totally forgetting about the master plan. He totally blanks on the fact that he has an idol that could easily save himself.

‘Boom shakalaka, boom shakalaka, namaste, namaste, what idol?’

Into ‘Fire Chat’, it became pretty damn obvi that Henry was about to be blindsided. Surely he’d follow the plan and use his idol… yeah? Yeah.

Locky even talked in super duper secret code to prompt him to use it.

But no. Heads rolled. Hearts broke. Henry’s beautiful head of golden hair was no more. Henry didn’t use his damn idol, the arrogant idiot.

The dream is dead. R.I.P Lenry.

Locky was obvi left devastated. Ziggy, not so much.

‘Why oh gawd why, I’ve never known pain like diss…’

Hostie Mc Biceps extinguished Henry’s fire, and with it the fire that burned for him in all our souls.

Good bye our sweet island prince.

WE WILL MISS YOU HENRY.

(The 2017 Survivor winner on our hearts)

For more golden Henry material, check out the Zen Hen Appreciation Page. Trust me, it’s spectacular.