We’ve Mercilessly Rated Every ‘The Bachelor’ Contestant Based On Petty First Impressions
Praise the Lord. It’s started. The Bachelor is back, and tonight’s ep introduced us to a whole bunch of Honey Badger’s potential baes.
We, of course, watched on and mercilessly rated every single lady setting her sights on Nick based on a whole lot of pettiness.
These opinions might change and are mostly inspired by the few minutes of screen time each woman scored. Some got more than others *cough* ‘CAT!!’ *cough* but here’s what we made of the Badgelor’s ladies.
PS: while you’re at it – click here to get a personal message when Punkee’s Bachy Recap video drops tomorrow morning!
Cass
AKA: ‘Stage 10 Clinger’
Most likely to: Collect a strand of the Honey Badger’s hair to use as a thread for her voodoo love doll. The girl is obsessed.
Vanessa (Sunshine)
AKA: The Villain
Most likely to: Enter a room accompanied by sassy jazz and talk about herself a lot.
Cat
AKA: The Real Villain
Most likely to: Be a low-key villain that will grate on our nerves. The way she made a spectacle of poor Sophie in front of the other girls on tonight’s ep showed her true colours.
Alisha
AKA: The Gossip
Most likely to: Cause DRAMA. While we know all about Alisha’s political (and rap) career, on tonight’s ep she proved that she thrives off starting drama between the girls.
Brooke
AKA: The Winner
Most likely to: Charm the pants of Australia and have us all fall deeply in love with this wonderful chick.
Brittany
AKA: Honey Badger’s Illegitimate Twin Sister
Most likely to: Talk about the fact that she’s from Port Macquarie, was born in the same hospital as Bachy and is the same age. COINCIDENCE?!?
Cayla
AKA: The Psychic That Is Also Bonkers
Most likely to: Foresee Honey Badger’s first rose ceremony result while taking a dump in the rose garden.
Christina
AKA: The ‘Woo Hoo’ Girl
Most likely to: Scream every time Osher comes in while laughing hysterically at her own shadow.
Emily
AKA: The Good Friend
Most likely to: Let all the other girls spend more time with Nick and then cry when she leaves without a rose.
Dasha
AKA: The Russian
Most likely to: Be the first contestant to ever attempt to assassinate her competition.
Juliana
AKA: WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES, BITCH?!
Most likely to: Inexplicably not wear footwear.
Aleksandra
NEW SHOW. WHO DISS?!?
Blair
SRSLY, WHO DISS?!????
Ashlea
WhOoOoOo is thiiiis?
Kayla
AKA: The Girl That Jumped In The Pool For No Reason
Most likely to: Always be remembered as the girl that jumped in the pool for no reason.
Renee
AKA: She Seems Nice
Most likely to: Be forgotten about.
Rhiannon
AKA: Brunette In Black Dress
Most likely to: Wear a black dress and be a brunette. Srsly, who is this person?!?
Romy
AKA: Chick That Doesn’t Dig Cayla
Most likely to: Start a fight with Cayla.
Shannon
AKA: The Sktr Grl
Most likely to: Quote Avril Lavigne lyrics. Tbh this girl is a massive dark horse and could probably win this whole thing.
Sophie
AKA: Boats Before Blokes
Most likely to: Finally be taken out on a yacht for a date then get seasick.
Tenille
AKA: The Brunette That Smashed A Plate
Most likely to: Tell you that she’s Greek but hates Mamma Mia 2.
Steph
AKA: Manic Pixie Dream Gurl
Most likely to: Blow pixie dust straight in your face then run off in a fit of giggles.
