christmas food ranking

Ranking Iconic Christmas Foods From ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ To ‘No, No, No’

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Christmas is mere weeks away and I’m already having late night fever dreams about the food coma I’ll be induced into come December 25.

So, in honour of the festive season, why not rank every Christmas food based on whether or not I would attend your family Christmas? Let’s go.

Mince Pies


Disgoostang!!! Perhaps it is because I am firmly of the belief that fruit does not belong in dessert, or maybe it’s because the only mince pie I like is a classic 7/11 beef pie, but I just cannot get around this Christmas tradition.

I know this is one is a classic Christmas food but if you’re serving it up, I am simply not attending.

Chicken

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Sorry but Chicken is too boring of a food for Christmas. I would rather eat nothing but sides that chow down on a piece of chicken on Christmas Day.

Salad


If you’re reaching for the salad first at Christmas lunch I’m not only not coming to your family Christmas, but you’re also never invited to dinner ever again.

This is not the energy I want in my life. You could eat potato! Roast vegetables! Pork! Prawns! Why on earth would you reach for a soggy lettuce leaf?

Ham


Ham is a lawful neutral when it comes to Christmas foods. The Christmas ham is god-tier compared to other hams, but compared to other dishes, it is far from my favourite meat.

I’m never mad about Christmas ham. I just don’t really feel anything about it.

Rum Balls


I know rum balls aren’t for everyone but honestly, what’s not to love? You’ve got rum, you’ve got balls. What more do you need?

Add to cart. 10/10. Would attend your family dinner and see how many balls I could fit in my mouth.

Cherries


Cherries are top-tier Christmas food. Why, you ask? Well, my friend, because this is the only time of the year in which it is acceptable to eat a cherry as a little treat.

Eating cherries in March? Psychopath behaviour.

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Crostoli

 

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It is not Christmas unless you eat an extremely unhealthy amount of crostoli (and other Christmas cookies and pastries). Crostoli is a particularly god-tier food that will have me ditching my plans to attend your family Christmas, but any form of Christmas cookie will do.

Roast Pork

 

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There are very few times per year that I want to eat pork (pulled pork burritos excluded), but Christmas really do be that time for me.

If you’re serving up a schmick roast pork with a crackling moment, I will be there faster than you can pull it out of the oven.

Sausage Roll

 

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I have never heard of sausage rolls being served at Christmas, but my coworker Tara swears this is a Christmas tradition. And you know what? I’m kinda here for it.

Not my usual Christmas lunch, but am I mad about a sausage roll moment on Christmas day?

Potato Bake


The BEST side. Would I eat potato bake for every breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert of my sad mortal life? Absolutely.

There aren’t enough words in the English language to describe my love of this delicious side. Cheesy, creamy potato with bacon? A BBQ staple!

Seafood


The creme de la creme of Christmas food. Prawns, oysters, perhaps a little Moreton Bay bug moment, nothing gets you in the Christmas spirit like a bit of seafood. Nothing tastes like Christmas quite like some seafood and an ice cold beer.

If you’re serving up seafood in literally any capacity, I will be in attendance.