the secret lives of mormon wives review shocking moments

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is fucked up, and I mean that as a compliment

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The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives just might be the most fascinating, frustrating and fucked up reality show I’ve seen in years; and if you know me by now, you’ll know this is the highest compliment. 

I recently binged the series (streaming on Disney Plus/Hulu) with friends on a weekend away. We’d had a big ‘ol night prior and were feeling the effects of it, so we decided a Saturday spent on the couch devouring eight hours worth of famous Mormon #momfluences felt correct. 

Little did we know what we were in for. That day, we were introduced to eight women who were about to break our already rotting brains.

Taylor Frankie Paul, Whitney Leavitt, Mikayla Mathews, Jenn Affleck (no, not that one), Mayci Neeley, Layla Wessel, Jessi Ngatikaura and Demi Engemann. 
Aged approx. 23-31 years old and located in Utah, USA, these ladies were about to teach us all about the TikTok/Mormon/Motherhood Venn diagram. And guys, it’s messy AF.

While I didn’t know anything about this group of women, I’d been exposed to the concept of modern-day Mormonism peripherally (“soaking”, anyone?) and was intrigued as to how such a seemingly traditional (and archaic) lifestyle intersected so popularly with TikTok. 

The show was full of moments that left me inspired, enraged, in tears laughing (unintentionally) and furious at the patriarchy. Overall, it really was unlike any reality show I’ve seen. 

Here are just some of the craziest moments of the The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. 

Soft swinging scandal

Ahh, the scandal that kicked it all off. Taylor, queen of the #momtok community, posted a video on TikTok revealing that she and then husband, Tate, were getting a divorce. Why? Because they had been embroiled in a “soft swinging” scandal. 

What does this mean? Well, essentially she and Tate had been sexually involved with other couples within the Mormon community, and Taylor had overstepped the boundaries. 

“The agreement was … as long as we were both there and we saw it and we knew it, it was OK, and the second it goes behind without each other, you’ve stepped out of the agreement. And I did that,” she admits in the video. 

While Taylor held herself to account, it was the casual disclosure, “No one is innocent, everyone has hooked up with, like, everyone in this situation” that threw a grenade into #momtok. It should be noted, the women she was referring to are not the other women on the cast of the show.

In the pilot episode, we see the rest of the group reeling over Taylor’s careless statement and worried that their personal brands (and the integrity of #momtok) are at risk of imploding. To be fair, if I had nothing to do with the soft swinging but was being dragged into it via association, I’d probably be pissed off too.  

Whitney’s husband’s Tinder account

While we might have been inclined to cast Taylor as the show’s “villain” during the pilot, this is because we’re yet to get to know Whitney. Personally, I found her instantly unlikeable, and felt vindicated as my gut reaction was proven right as the season progressed. 

Whitney is self-righteous, judgemental and sneaky, but we learn that her husband, Connor, is seemingly the sneakier one. 

You see, Whitney has just gotten back from a few months in Hawaii with Connor and the kids. She tells her friends it’s to escape the craziness of the “soft swinging scandal”, however we soon learn that this wasn’t the real motivation. 

The group decide to get together one afternoon to hash everything out in the aftermath of the scandal, and it’s here that Whitney reveals that Connor had a secret Tinder account and had been talking to and exchanging sexual images with other women. He also has a porn addiction. 

Whitney apologises to Taylor for using her as a scapegoat, but then is furious when Taylor decides to use this moment to share her own news with the group, an ectopic pregnancy with her new boyfriend, Dakota, which she would most likely miscarry. Whitney can’t believe that Taylor would try to steal her thunder, and this is why we dislike her immensely. 

Taylor’s arrest

The pilot ends with Taylor being arrested after an argument with Dakota. We see body-cam footage of her being handcuffed and taken into custody on suspicion of domestic violence. As per E! Online, Taylor “later pleaded guilty to aggravated assault before reaching a plea deal in the case.” 

The second episode of the series picks up almost a year after the arrest, and we learn that Taylor and Dakota are expecting a baby. Their relationship seems toxic af (although they’re still not the worst couple on the cast), but Taylor seems to have turned over a new leaf and wants to live a more responsible life. 

Whitney, on the other hand, complains yet again about how Taylor’s behaviour has damaged #momtok’s image. “We need to make sure that we have a good reputation on social media because brands aren’t gonna wanna work with us if they think we’re going to jail and throwing stools at a wall.” 

How supportive!

Whitney’s NICU dance

SPEAKING OF DAMAGING #MOMTOK’S IMAGE. 

The group decides to go on a girl’s weekend in the snow to try and heal. It’s also a great opportunity to create and bank content. 

At night, they all sit on a big couch together and air out their grievances. “Everyone was so quick to forgive Taylor online for swinging, and then I just feel like I still get shredded to pieces on every single video,” Whitney shares when being pressed on her animosity towards Taylor.

Why is Whitney getting hate, you ask? Because of the fact that years prior, she’d posted an incredibly fucked up and tone deaf TikTok video, dancing next to her sick baby in the NICU. 

While Whitney explains that her intentions behind the video were pure, later in the episode, Demi tells the other girls that Whitney had admitted to her that she only created the video for likes, after the two of them had a ketamine therapy session together.

You can’t make this shit up. 

Jenn and Zac’s Vegas drama

This plot point was probably the most horrible. Jenn is the most religious of the group, and is married to a fucking loser named Zac who she is financially supporting through medical school. Despite Jenn being the breadwinner (not uncommon for a lot of these women), he inflicts some pretty heinous gender stereotypes onto her, underpinned by the teachings of the Church. 

The women head to Vegas for a trip, and Zac freaks the fuck out. Mind you, the majority of these women are married, don’t drink and are just looking forward to making some silly dance videos together, so this nervousness around a typical “Vegas” weekend is far from warranted. Especially if you trust and respect your wife…

Prior to leaving, Jenn tells Zac that there’d been talk of attending a Magic Mike-style show, in an attempt to gauge his reaction. “Being divorced and taking care of two kids would be kind of tough, so I guess you make the decision,” he tells her bluntly. 

This man is so sickeningly controlling, it’s genuinely difficult to watch. 

He and Dakota (who is equally mistrusting despite the many infidelity rumours he faces himself), decide to crash the girls’ weekend. When the group decides to attend a Chippendales show (unbeknownst to Jenn), the poor girl starts freaking out. “I literally will be a divorced woman. I’m literally telling you Zac would literally divorce me over something like this,” she tells her friends. 

Before the show, the ladies have a meet and greet, and Jenn is visibly extremely uncomfortable. She messages Zac and he calls her, and it escalates. “Can you just stop for a second and think of me and a person, and my character? I’m a human being and I did nothing wrong in the situation,” she pleads with him tearfully. 

Jenn skips the show to go home, and is bombarded with phone calls and horrible text messages. We see glimpses of the texts he sends her. “Seriously, I don’t want to hear one more thing about your heart. Start taking accountability for your actions and for the situations you put yourself in. You’re a grown woman,” one of the texts reads. “It doesn’t matter your intentions. You were there, and that’s the image you portray of yourself, your family, church etc.”

Hearteningly, the other women staunchly defend Jenn, furious at Zac’s narcissism and controlling nature. The couple have a “serious discussion” afterwards in which Jenn shares her doubts about the marriage, and Zac feigns remorse. Unfortunately, they’re still together, and likely moving to New York so he can pursue studying (which she will fund). 

While there are some seriously heavy moments on the show, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is also full of levity, laughter and fun. I commend these women for living so publicly in an attempt to show the world that being Mormon isn’t entirely oppressive, and challenging the stigmas associated with the religion. 

While season two is yet to be confirmed, the show “became the most-watched unscripted season premiere on the streamer this year so far, based on three days of streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+, according to Disney internal data.” 

I smell a franchise!

Written by Lil Friedmann who now can’t escape #momtok. You can follow her at @lilfriedmann on socials.

Image credit: Hulu + Punkee