‘The Bachelor’ Episode 4: Fishin’, Shootin’ & Absolutely No Rootin’
It’s Thursday! Which means it’s the last episode of The Badgelor for the week. Which means tomorrow night (Friday) we can all get drunk without having to worry about showing up hungover to work.
Unless you work in retail etc., then godspeed.
Anyway, on the show, Honey Badger was busy contemplating his life decisions in a lake… or a river of some sort.
IDK you guys, I’m not used to seeing a body of water on this show that isn’t the ocean.
His walking hard-on for Dasha prevails, as she won the solo time.
He was a bit worried that he and “Dasha from Russia” wouldn’t click, because… well because she’s from Russia (his words not mine). Dasha ran across the sand to the Badge and he took it as a sign of excitement because she was “pingin’ it”. Turns out the sand was just really freakin’ hot.
Dasha told us at some stage that she doesn’t get excited about guys very often, which is a real mood tbh.
Back at the mansion, Cat from Bali and Romy were deep in discussion about third-wave feminism.
Lol, nearly gotcha. They were bitching about Vanessa Sunshine. Cat from Bali said Vanessa reckons she’s a 10 when in fact, she’s a four. Romy’s “The Future Is Female” shirt smirked in agreement.
But I’m here to say Vanessa is actually an:
In other news, I have that “The Future Is Female” shirt and now I must throw it out.
The Badge continued to fawn all over Dasha. She asked how he felt about kids, and he asked her if she was into kids also, after a lengthy conversation about her… son.
Like, I’d hope she’s cool with children? Given the five-year-old in her life and all.
But I think at this stage Badge was having trouble thinking with one of his heads. The one with the brain in it.
He gave her a rose and shoved his tongue down her throat. Romance ain’t dead.
During the group date, the girls had a chance to shoot each other.
If you watch the above GIF carefully, you’ll notice the Badge get hit in the balls, or as he calls it, “the Jatz cracker”. In absolutely related news, I never want to eat Jatz again.
He may have once played against some bulky, tough men, but it’s a foam arrow that has slayed our prince.
RIP.
Cat from Bali felt really bad about hitting Shannon in the head with an arrow.
Cat from Bali also won the solo time with Nick for being a team player!
Haha, I need a wine.
Cat from Bali enjoyed some time with Nick talking about… Bali. She reckoned their sexual chemistry was palpable.
She was froffin’ for a kiss from the Badge. Honey Badger politely attempted to explain if they rush things, it takes the longevity out of it. In return, Cat from Bali grabbed his head and screamed in his face, “WELL, CAN I TEMPT YOU?”
Honey Badger gave her a kiss on the cheek with about as much enthusiasm as a kid being forced to say hi to their Great Aunt Hilda, who smells like mothballs and devon.
At the cocktail party, Blair (who?) tried to take the Badge to detention. He, in turn, attempted to set the mansion on fire.
It was like a cheap man’s Flo and Matty J scene.
Cass watched on as every girl (but her) got some solo Honey Badger time in.
Meanwhile, Romy couldn’t tear her eyes away from Badge’s delicious earlobe.
Gimme that sweet ear nectar.
Cassie was worried the Badge was not having a good time.
He was probably having an awful time being surrounded by twenty beautiful women!
IDK, I’m over this “Cass is a crazy stage five clinger” storyline. It got boring about two episodes ago.
At the rose ceremony, we bid so long, farewell to Steph and Aleksandra. Steph had been alarmingly normal this season up until… well:
She said goodbye to the Badge and angrily told him she shaved her legs, before shooting him one last filthy look and storming off down that extremely long driveway.
Girl, I get it. But also, they film for like… a couple of months, don’t go shaving your legs too early I say.
That’s a wrap! See you next week and don’t forget to watch Punkee’s video recap tomorrow morning.
