We Ranked The Characters In ‘Bridgerton’ Based On How Straight-Up Horny They Are
Netflix’s Bridgerton is a steamy period drama that perfectly fuses together the aesthetics of a Jane Austin novel, with the narrative style of Gossip Girl. It’s 50% Mr. Darcy, 50% Chuck Bass, and 100% horny as hell.
Set in the regency era in London, the Shonda Rhimes series focuses on the romantic pursuits of the Bridgerton and Featherington families. After making her debut on the social scene, Daphne Bridgerton is deemed by the Queen as the fairest on all the land. This means she has a constant line of suitors asking for her hand in marriage. But it’s The Duke of Hastings (Simon Basset) who catches her eye and who can blame her, he’s a ridiculously handsome man. I may or may not have had several sex dreams about him involving a spoon.
Daphne and Simon get caught making out, and because it’s the ‘1800s — this means they have to get married. Their honeymoon is where this show gets extremely sexy. Two words: Episode Six. It’s pretty much a 57-minute bang session.
Honestly, this drama gives 365 Days a run for its money with all its horny energy, so we simply had to rank the characters accordingly.
We Ranked The Characters In Bridgerton Based On How Straight-Up Horny They Are:
14. Eloise Bridgerton
I love Eloise. In fact, she’s probably my favourite character out of the whole series. However, she’s the least horny. And that’s fine, she has different priorities. Eloise doesn’t even entertain the idea of having sex, not only is she too young but she wants to pursue goals that don’t end in her getting wifed up. Do you, bby.
13. Lord Featherington
This guy sucks. He is arguably the most hated character and I do not even want to think about him having sex with anyone. The only things Lord Featherington cares about is wasting his family’s money and lying to his wife. Not horny. In the bin.
12. Colin Bridgerton
The youngest Bridgerton brother is simply too pure for this world. He does not have a horny bone in his body. Sure, he was keen to marry Marina, but when she put the moves on him, he freaked out. They were in a private room, why not hook up? I know people in this age were all about social propriety, but surely he has sexual needs?! Clearly not.
12. Lady Featherington
While Lady Featherington doesn’t show any particular horniness during the show, she does become obsessed with finding Marina a potential husband to bang, in order to cover up the young lady’s pregnancy. That’s low-key creepy but high-key horny, if you ask me.
10. Lady Danbury
I’d like to think that Lady Danbury is horny, but we just don’t see much of that. For the most part, she spends the series in the ears of the Queen and The Duke, offering her advice. She’s definitely a boss, but the jury is still out on whether she’s a horny boss or not.
9. Lady Bridgerton
Lady Bridgerton’s whole existence is driven by matching her daughters up with promising suitors, so she doesn’t tend to think about herself and her own needs very often. We did see a few glimpses of horniness when she spoke about her relationship with her husband, and we know she’s given birth to a whopping eight children — so she definitely knows how to fuck. Good for her!
8. Penelope Featherington
Penelope could be a lot hornier if she just chilled out on channeling so much her hate towards Marina. Sadly, she spends the season plotting against Marina, after learning that she is marrying Colin aka Penelope’s longtime crush. I get it, she broke girl code. But also Penelope didn’t communicate how she felt until the very last minute. Anyways, Penelope is clearly a very horny person, as she went a little bonkers when a woman stepped in the way of getting her man. Don’t mess with her.
7. Cressida Cowper
This strange woman is absolutely gagging for it. Cressida might not be a main character, but I couldn’t not include her in this ranking. She spends the whole season preying on different hot men, shamelessly flirting, and fainting to get their attention and tbh, she’s my horny hero.
6. Benedict Bridgerton
Benedict can fuck! I just know it, he’s that artsy type who appears introverted at first glance, but once you get him in the bedroom, he’s an absolute savage. He’s a gentleman in the streets but a freak in the sheets.
5. Marina Thompson
She might be a victim of her circumstances, but there’s no denying that Marina spending almost the entire social season trying to find any hot guy to bang is peak horny. We’ve all been there. Marina is also the only young female suitor who has clearly already banged before (hence the pregnancy), so she is by far the most experienced. And you know what they say: once you pop, you can’t stop.
4. Queen Charlotte
The Queen’s entire life purpose is telling people who they should and should not bang, and while her own marriage is lacking any kind of passion, you just know she’s suppressing all kinds of horny energy.
3. Anthony Bridgerton
Speaking of suppressed desires, Anthony is BY FAR the horniest Bridgerton son. He spends most of the season trying to stop himself from having sex with opera singer Siena, but when they finally do reunite, oh boy…it’s friggin’ hot! This guy has moves and his horniness can not (and should not) be contained.
2. Daphne Bridgerton
Daphne might not have started the season as an absolute sex demon, but she ended it like that. Much respect. While she was a virgin before her honeymoon, she and Simon truly made up for lost time and they banged all over their Hastings country home. The attractive couple couldn’t keep their paws off each other and that whole scene in the library should be taught in sex ed when learning the importance of female pleasure.
1. Simon, The Duke of Hastings
Hot, hot, hot! He’s so hot that as soon as my eyes meet his gaze, they are set aflame and I have to dip my head into a nearby shower to cool off. Anyone who can make licking a spoon look like some crafty sex act is someone who is simply buzzing with sexual energy.
From the scene where Simon asks Daphne if she touches herself, to their makeout session in the maze, to him going down on Daphne in a library, The Duke is all about giving as well as receiving. We have to stan this horny king.
Bridgerton is available to stream on Netflix.