The 17 Types Of Family Members You See At Every Aussie Xmas
Christmas is arguably one of the best times of the year but also brings with it a lot of unnecessary stress.
We all know a family member that gets a little too stressed if people aren’t sitting down for Xmas lunch at exactly 1 pm on the dot, and sometimes a little too much festive cheer can turn sour faster than you can say “is it time for the pav yet?”
Families: can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
In celebration of our beautiful, dysfunctional relatives, we’ve rounded up the most common types of family members everyone’s had to deal with at Christmas.
1. The pushy grandparent
You know exactly which one I’m talking about. It’s the one who demands if you’re seeing anyone, wonders why you haven’t brought your non-existent partner home and wrings their hands dramatically, crying “I’m going to die without any great-grandbabies!”
I’m sorry, Nonna! I’m sorry!
2. The angel mum doing all the work
There’s always someone’s mum just quietly getting shit done in the background away from the fuss and noise. That lady right there, she’s the real MVP. Love you, mum.
3. The racist and/or homophobic uncle
After three red wines and saying things like “that’s a nice drop, isn’t it?” to anyone who will listen, eventually they start talking about “those darn immigrants” or “what about the sanctity of marriage?” and literally none of it makes sense because they’re an uneducated tool.
4. The snobby cousin
They’re probably picking around their food, sighing loudly, drink prosecco because there’s no sulphites in it, and spend most of their time tapping away and taking Snapchats (still with the dog filter) instead of engaging in anything to do with their dry, boring, mediocre family.
5. The dad who has no idea what’s going on, but is just ready for lunch
Honestly dad, same.
6. The wine aunt who’s ready to crack the prosecco at any given time
“Who’s up for a little tipple?!” she’ll shriek at 9:43 am. Girl, no judgement here, fill me up.
7. The awkward random someone is dating that year
There’s a 97% chance they won’t be back next year knowing that fuckboi cousin of yours.
8. The sibling you always get in a fight with
It doesn’t matter how well you get along the rest of the year, there’s something about Christmas that just triggers a stupid argument with a sibling. One minute you’re laughing away, the next they’re crying because you apparently gave them a weird look. When in doubt, blame the 9 am prosecco you guzzled with your aunt.
9. An aunt’s most recent husband, but tbh you don’t know if it’s the third or fourth
Is it Dave? Was Dave the second one? No, wait, he was the bald third one. So this is Daniel? Which makes him the fourth right? Oh, who the fuck knows anymore.
10. The one remarried uncle or aunt’s partner who’s been part of the family for years but no one likes them
It doesn’t help they sit in the corner staring grumpily out the window and complain when the Christmas tunes get too loud.
11. The baby someone forces you to hold
What do I do with it? Is it bad to put it in the pot plant? Does it eat ham? Heeeeeeeelp.
12. The cousin who’s decided they’re going to be a YouTuber
They’ve just finished high school and they’re in that enviable “dream big” stage of their lives where everything seems achievable. Just go along with them, play nice.
13. The granddad who can not get a handle on anyone’s partner’s names
In all fairness, it’s sometimes an ever-revolving door when it comes to your fam. No wonder Gramps gave up after everyone’s first ever partners. “That Charlie hey, he seems nice?” he says hopefully. Charlie hasn’t existed in your life since you were 15, but that’s fine.
14. The loveable larrikin uncle
You know the one, everyone’s fave uncle who gets out the water pistols, the slip ‘n slide or starts doing his best half-drunk rendition of “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. What a ledge.
15. The grandma who refuses to wear her hearing aid and tries to force three serves of pav onto you
Halfway through Xmas lunch she starts talking about something wildly different to the previous conversation happening, but that’s fine… all her kids just give each other that look across the table and play along. “Have you eaten dessert, darling? “she’ll ask you, a minimum of three times when all you’ve done that day is eat. And eat. And eat.
16. The great aunt who shows up every blue moon and pinches your cheeks and tells you how much you’ve grown
You probably haven’t seen her since you were about 12 so she’s in a state of shock you’re all grown up. Puberty hey, such a weird, foreign concept.
17. The great uncle who’s asleep on the lounge by midday
While his wife is screeching about “all the children being so mature” old mate Neil is relaxing away from her for once and is already nodding off on the lounge, waking himself up with a small snort every now and then. Onya, Neil.