married first sight john

John Finally Got His Happy Ending On ‘Married At First Sight’ Tonight & Twitter Is Rejoicing

Tonight’s episode of Married at First Sight introduced us all to a truly cooked individual named Troy, who confused us all deeply but at least our ol’ m8 was there too: JOHN. It’s fucking John.

We all remember Johnny boi as the poor fella that got paired with Deborah. Nothing against the lass but damn gurl, she was a tad too obsessed with having a Polynesian hubby. Since John didn’t quite fit that description, she turned their honeymoon into a nightmare. Their marriage quickly dissolved. R.I.P.

While we all assumed the game was over for John on the reality show, the “experts” have brought him back and paired him with new suitor Melissa. She seems delightful, and when they first met John couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. Aww!

Here’s roughly how the beautiful moment went down:

‘I’m back on this god awful show. I hope the next chick isn’t as crazy as fucking Deborah.’

‘SURPRISE! I’m totally normal and not strangely obsessed with natives from the Pacific Islands.’

‘Wait, what IF they’ve set me up with Deborah again and the whole challenge is to fix our marriage. Gawd. What TF have I done?!’

‘Wait…Who do we have here! You’re definitely not Deb.’

‘Haiii!’

‘HELL YES! IT’S NOT DEBBIE!’

‘IT’S NOT FUCKING DEBBIE!!!!!!’

Melissa and John actually make a super cute couple. Not just because Melissa seems to be a well-balanced person that doesn’t have a fetish for Polynesian dick, but she’s just absolutely lovely. Plus, they both smoke, so that’s a bonus…I guess!

While their lungs might not be the healthiest, their relationship is looking promising and we’re thrilled John is looking soo happy. What a cutie!

Twitter is rejoicing that John is finally getting a happy ending: