We Finally Know Why Rose Didn’t Share The Door With Jack In ‘Titanic’

Nearly 20 years later and people are still debating whether Rose could have shuffled over and made some room on that door for sweet, sweet Jack, making for a much happier end to Titanic.

Whether or not Rose and Jack could have both fit on the door and survived has become a divisive meme over the past few years, because sometimes poking holes in movie plot lines is the only coping mechanism we’ve got, ok?

Well, Titanic director James Cameron clearly doesn’t find the great debate all that amusing, so he’s shut it down once and for all. I’ll warn you now, it’s a fucking bleak take on the whole debate.

Basically, in the kindest way possible, Cameron thinks everyone should shut up and get over it because it’s a fictional movie. He dished out some harsh words in an interview with Vanity Fair:

“The answer is very simple because it says on page 147 [of the script] that Jack dies. Very simple.”

Ouch, mate.

“Obviously it was an artistic choice, the thing was just big enough to hold her, and not big enough to hold him . . . I think it’s all kind of silly, really, that we’re having this discussion 20 years later.”

Wow sorry 4 caring.

“But it does show that the film was effective in making Jack so endearing to the audience that it hurts them to see him die.”

Very true.

“Had he lived, the ending of the film would have been meaningless… The film is about death and separation; he had to die. So whether it was that, or whether a smoke stack fell on him, he was going down. It’s called art, things happen for artistic reasons, not for physics reasons.”

“He had to die”. Why don’t you just rip out our hearts and step on them.

After shutting us down with the ‘it’s art, get over it’ take, Cameron then proceeded to school us all with some hard science that backs up the story anyway.

“I was in the water with the piece of wood putting people on it for about two days getting it exactly buoyant enough so that it would support one person with full free-board, meaning that [Rose] wasn’t immersed at all in the 28 degree water so that she could survive the three hours it took until the rescue ship got there. [Jack] didn’t know that she was gonna get picked up by a lifeboat an hour later; he was dead anyway. And we very, very finely tuned it to be exactly what you see in the movie because I believed at the time, and still do, that that’s what it would have taken for one person to survive.”

Alright, I vibe that James Cameron is feeling a bit protective of his artistic vision and what not, but he is being kinda insensitive to our feelings??? “He was dead anyway”??? We get it James we are just trying to cope here!

But that’s our answer. Jack was doomed from the start, love is dead and life’s a lie. Bye.

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BONUS: The Premiere Of CRAM But Just The Bits Where They Say Cram, Crammed Into A Crammed Video Of Cram

People have mixed feelings on CRAM, the new network Ten show with Peter Hellier. If there was one thing we noticed, it was how many times CRAM crammed the word Cram down our throats - case in point: