A Helpful Guide To Making It Seem Like You Actually Care About Your Mate’s Trip To Europe

Winter can be a drag at the best of times, but it’s a bigger drag when half your Instagram feed has jetted off to go “find themselves” in Europe, or whatever the hell they’re trying to do over there.

All of a sudden your social media is filled with old mate Hannah posting shit like “Greece, you were awesome, but now Croatia it’s time for you to show me what you got!” as though she’s talking to an actual human person.

Then there’s what’s-his-face Lachlan that you maybe had one uni class with that time, who’s looking like he’s drinking himself to an early death in Ibiza.

Sometimes it’s hard to give an actual shit when you’re stuck in miserable weather and spilling soup all over your jumper.

Lucky we have you covered.

Here are some tips and tricks to making it seem like you give an actual fuck when your friends return from a summer vacay.

1. Say things like “OMG wild” when they pause during their stories.

Chances are they’re telling you about some crazy time in Amsterdam that involved a “coffee” shop, shots, and running into a bunch of other Aussies “but like, ones not from Sydney” and then not getting home until the sun had risen.

2. Practice not letting your eyes glaze over.

Maintain steady eye contact, don’t even BLINK.

3. Laugh when they laugh.

Foolproof plan really.

4. Ask questions. Normally “What happened next?” suffices, even if you weren’t listening.

In a study conducted by myself, it’s got a 99% success rate.

5.  If they lapse into silence or cotton on that you’re not listening, try and pretend you know what areas they visited. A simple sentence starter like “That boat in Greece looked cool!” should buy you some time.

Hopefully they went to Greece. If not replace with any other country that has water nearby.

6.  And when in doubt ask the question they absolutely wouldn’t have heard yet: “Any hookups?”

No one ever gets sick of this question! Ever!

7. Finally, book your own holiday while listening to theirs.

I mean you may as well treat yourself after Carly’s long-winded and unnecessary story about how eating pizza in Italy was totally the best and now she can’t go back to Domino’s, like you couldn’t even PAY her to go back, you know? Life-changing.