12 Bats**t Storylines That We Were Subjected To On ‘Home And Away’
Home and Away has cemented itself as one of Australia’s most iconic TV shows. The soap has been on air for almost 36 years, so it’s no surprise that the writers have had to come up with some truly cooked storylines to keep viewers hooked.
Although it’s set in a supposedly sleepy, idyllic surf town, I’m not sure why anybody would want to live in the death trap known as Summer Bay. There have been explosions, kidnappings, car crashes happening each year like clockwork, along with regular dollops of dodgy biker gangs and so, so many attempted murders.
It pains me to write this, but one of the strangest storylines involved Tasha Andrews, her arrival in Summer Bay… and Pig Latin. For some reason, the writers decided it would be a Perfectly Normal Thing to have Tasha speaking Pig Latin and not a lick of English. It’s chaotic, insane and who knows what the writers were thinking.
I’ve rounded up 12 cooked storylines from Home and Away’s history, from Tasha’s entire character arc to the telepathic twins (who weren’t even related).
1. Tasha’s entire character arc.
Tasha Andrews made quite a splash – literally – when she arrived in Summer Bay. She was spotted by Max Sutherland on the beach. Instead of acting like a normal person, she dove straight into the sea to avoid him. After getting injured, it becomes apparent that something’s seriously wrong with Tasha: she can only speak Pig Latin.
Luckily, Irene Roberts decided to teach her how to speak English, so all her problems were solved. Just kidding, she ended up joining a cult and had a baby with the cult leader before managing to escape.
2. Heath having sex with Bianca and then her little sister.
Heath Braxton took April’s virginity after his fling with Bianca Scott, which is messed up on so many levels. Plus, he ends up marrying Bianca. Talk about keeping it in the family!
3. Leah’s entire history on the show.
Leah Patterson is a magnet for disaster. She’s been kidnapped multiple times, fallen into a coma after a bus crash, been impaled by a metal pole, and everybody she marries dies or leaves her. She’s currently in a sticky situation with a cult, so things aren’t looking up for our fave diner worker.
4. When a brain tumour caused John to become a serial arsonist.
I’m not joking. John Palmer sashayed around Summer Bay in a black raincoat and lit a series of dangerous fires. His little stint injured his then-wife Marilyn Chambers and caused Billie Ashford to contract terminal cancer.
Is this Home and Away or Pretty Little Liars? Image credit: Channel 7, Home and Away
5. The telepathic twins that weren’t actually related.
Kirsty and Jade Sutherland were able to use their telepathic connection to escape a sticky situation. After getting trapped in a mineshaft, the twins were able to communicate with their minds. But here’s where it gets interesting: in what could be one of Home and Away’s biggest plot holes, Kirsty and Jade weren’t actually related. The hospital staff accidentally mixed up the babies after their birth, so Jade isn’t a Sutherland. Mind. Blown.
6. Selina Cook being kidnapped THREE times and brainwashed by a cult leader.
I’m sorry, but if you’re getting kidnapped by creepy cult leader Saul three times, maybe you’re a little bit of the problem, love.
Saul’s cult was so creepy. Image credit: Channel 7, Home and Away
7. When Marilyn’s crazy illegitimate daughter Heather kidnapped Leah, Irene, Alf and Roo.
Heather wanted to get revenge on Marilyn for putting her up for adoption, so she created this elaborate High Tea plan where she drugged her mother’s friends. Then, she dragged Marilyn to the top of a historical building… before she accidentally fell over the edge herself. It was a pretty big fall, but she somehow made it to the hospital without a single scratch.
8. Sally’s imaginary friend Milco ends up being her long-lost brother.
I imagine the writers were scrounging around for a storyline when they remembered Sally had a cute imaginary friend called Milco back in the ‘80s. In true soap opera fashion, they decided that Milco was actually Miles Copeland and he wasn’t imaginary at all. Oh, and he was her long-lost brother.
9. Kirsty’s love story… with her sister’s rapist.
This is as terrible as it sounds and tbh, I’m not sure how this one got over the line. Kirsty Sutherland enters into a relationship with resident bad boy Kane Phillips, even though he’d sexually assaulted her sister, Dani Sutherland. It gets worse – the pair end up getting married and having a son.
10. When Robbie casually killed his own grandfather.
Robbie Hunter’s grandfather Graham Walters wanted his life support machine switched off, but his new wife Amanda Vale wasn’t having any of this. So of course, Robbie secretly turned it off and “killed” his grandfather. Delightful.
11. Sophie reading a menu and then two episodes later being ‘illiterate’.
It was a big story arc, so you’d think that *somebody* would have picked up this embarrassing error. Sophie becomes good friends with Sally, which is how her secret is uncovered. When Pippa (Sally’s mum) discovers Sophie can’t read, she makes it her mission to help the poor girl. Of course, the new school teacher Grant Mitchell just ~happens~ to move to Summer Bay at this exact moment, so he’s able to chip in with a few lessons as well.
Sophie ended up attending Summer Bay High. Image credit: Channel 7, Home and Away
12. Miles being attacked by a group of primary school students.
VJ’s bully Riley Radcliffe and his PRIMARY SCHOOL friends pushed adult Miles into a pole and then beat him up. I know, it’s as stupid as it sounds.
I’m so confused by all the chaotic storylines that the writers have come up with over the years, but will some plot points and Pig Latin stop me from tuning in? Absolutely not.
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Image credits: Seven, Home and Away