13 Reasons Why Shannon Noll Could Be Essendon’s Ultimate Top-Up Player

Australian singer and all-round blokes’ bloke, Shannon Noll not only loves his sport, but also possesses the qualities of a born leader.

Since the Essendon Football Club’s guilty verdict was handed down by WADA, a shit-tonne of ambitious fans have put their hands up to fill the void left by the suspended players via the club’s Facebook page.

One such post that recently surfaced was a nomination for Shannon Noll to #DonTheSash and it’s gaining popularity. This has resulted in discussion about what characteristics he can bring to the team and it’s got us thinking – maybe he’s the perfect fit. Here’s 13 reasons the Dons need to act quick and secure Nollsy for their 2016 lineup.

1. When he gets pushed around & knocked to the ground, he gets back to his feet.

2. He’d be great in the leadership group – Noll would be perfect to give encouragement and let them know when they’ve “gotta lift.”

In the words of Shannon Noll, Essendon, you've gotta lift. #fallsquotes #AFLPiesBombers #Anzacfooty

— David Jordan (@DavidJordan33) April 25, 2014

3. He has Grand Final experience. Despite finishing 2nd, Essendon would be more than happy to take a top-2 finish in 2016

4. He’s a proven player, starring in multiple EJ Whitten Legends matches, kicking 3 goals in a best-on-ground performance in 2013.

5. His “big, black, shiny car” will be the envy of the league, and he is known to generously offer to ‘Drive’ people around (imagine the car-pool to the True Value Solar Centre!)

6. He’s the ultimate utility and goes ‘anywhere that he wants to go’

7. His powerful voice would be an asset on-field, perfect for instructing younger players

8. He has hunkier tattoos than former Essendon legend Kyle Riemers, so really it’s an upgrade for the Bombers.

9. He can perform under pressure in front of big crowds (he’s made for Anzac Day at the G’)

Source: Facebook/Shannon Noll

10. He can rock a Christmas sweater better than any any Essendon player

Source: Facebook/Shannon Noll & EFC Store

11. His footwork is impeccable, proving it on Dancing With The Stars in 2012

12. He knows that the WADA ban “isn’t fair” and he isn’t afraid to speak up.

13. Healthy body, healthy mind…need we say more? #FishTaco

So, Essendon… what about him?