A Step-By-Step Guide For What To Do If You See Someone You Know On The Apps

As more and more people turn to dating apps to find love, make human connections, or cure boredom, the chance you’ll see someone you know increases, especially given we’ve likely exhausted a lot of the options in our geographic range while we’re working, studying and chilling at home.

Seeing someone you know can be a good thing if you’re keen on them and have been looking for an opportunity to get to know them better. But it can be a truly cursed experience if you live, work, or share DNA with them.

That’s why I hit up dating coach Iona Yeung to create this handy-dandy guide for what to do if you see someone you know next time you’re swiping.

1. If You Like Them

The universe coming THROUGH with confirmation they’re single and looking, how good!

Now, I know your thumb is probably hovering over your phone right now, a million questions running through your mind: what if they haven’t swiped right on you? What if they have and the conversation is a fizzer? Could you really tell your hypothetical future grandchildren Nanny and Poppy locked it down via an app, despite having known each other for months or even years beforehand?

Given all that, chances are you’re probably considering abandoning the app all together and opting for a DM slide or friendly text instead, but Iona reckons that’s a recipe for disaster.

“Keep communication on the same channel you met them unless you both agree otherwise,” she says. “It can seem a bit creepy, with the other person thinking you’ve done a background check on them.”

You’re a catch, not a creep, and we’re all rooting for you.

2. If You Keep Matching, But It Never Goes Anywhere

Ugh, this is arguably the cruellest prank played by the dating app gods. You’re keen, they’re keen, you match, one of you makes a joke about how you’re obviously destined to be together, then that’s it. Game over. Thanks for playing.

“If you keep matching with someone and don’t move from online chats to meeting in real life, it’s a waste of time,” Iona says. “If they refuse to meet, it’s because they have other priorities over dating… or you’re being catfished.”

Catfishing is obviously a very serious abuse of your trust, so block them if you feel like something more sinister is at play. And while it’s not easy to hear the heart of your perpetual match probably isn’t in it, your time is better spent on people who are excited to get to know you outside of your iPhone 12.

3. If They Won’t Back Off

Sadly, dating apps tend to attract people who don’t understand boundaries or see rejection as a challenge. If you’ve matched with someone who isn’t getting the hint or, worse, never matched with someone who’s contacting you via other channels, it can be hard to know what your options are.

“Politely respond with an honest answer and a gentle let down, like, ‘I’m so thankful you’ve reached out, but I don’t think we’re a match’, or, ‘I’m chatting to someone else and would like to see where that goes’,” Iona says.

If they’re being particularly aggressive, harassing you via multiple channels, or otherwise causing you to fear for your safety, block and report them, share your concerns with your friends and family, and contact the relevant authorities before things escalate.

4. If They’re An Ex

Just hear me out: this one sounds like it should be the hardest to deal with – most of the time, it sucks to see an ex dating other people! – but it actually has the easiest solution: “Swipe left. Leave the past in the past!”

Your ex ain’t shit, but if you’re back on the apps, they have the right to be, too.

5. If They’re A Friend’s Ex

Hoooooo boy. This one is simple if you have no interest in this person – after all, you’ve seen up close exactly how they conduct themselves in a relationship. Swipe left and send the friend in question a text saying you love them and they look cute today.

But things get way, way messier if you reckon there could be something there. Iona recommends avoiding this situation like the plague on and off the apps.

“[Dating a friend’s ex] is a no-go in my books,” she says. “[Don’t swipe right] if you value the friendship.”

6. If They Shouldn’t Be On The Apps At All

Hey, is that…? No, surely not. It does look like them though. Maybe I’ll just scope their Insta to be sure…

Seeing a friend or family member’s partner or spouse on the apps when, for all you know, they’re still a monogamous item, is ROUGH. There are few courses of action that don’t result in someone getting really angry or really hurt: should you tell your friend? Talk to the offender first? Screen-grab as insurance?

“Talk to the offender first if you know them,” Iona advises. “Give them a chance to explain. But if it’s a close friend, I’d tell them first.”

We’re praying you never find yourself in this position, but if you do, Godspeed.

7. If You Work With Them

Workplace romances are the tea that quenches my unquenchable thirst for gossip. I’m not too proud to admit it.

But dating apps have added another layer of confusion to an already complicated situation, especially when there are reporting lines or other power dynamics at play.

“Swipe left and, depending on the relationship you have, make a light-hearted joke about it,” Iona advises. It’s also very acceptable – nay, preferable – to leave it unaddressed if you’re uncomfortable or it’s professionally inappropriate.

8. If You’re Related To Them

I don’t need to hear this, but don’t swipe right on your family members on dating apps. Iona says you can definitely mention you saw their profile and volunteer to help them workshop it if you like, but it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie if you don’t want it to come up at family Christmas for the rest of your life.

It’s Back On The Apps week at Punkee! We’re digging into the good, the bad, and the highly questionable when it comes to using dating apps. Find more of our content here.