A Simple Guide To Turn Your Situationship Into A Relationship
As restrictions ease and life returns to a ‘new normal’, the world of dating is about to change. And as the city opens up, so will your dating options too.
Maybe you, like a lot of people, experienced the first global pandemic of your lifetime with someone you’ve been seeing casually, doing all the things you would do in a relationship just without the title — like enjoying your favourite food together, sleeping at each other’s house and meeting up to do your daily workout.
The ‘what are we?’ conversation hasn’t come up because you both agreed to being friends with benefits and now you’ve noticed that you’re catching feels (and maybe a slight hint of jealousy when they talk about other people). So the question is: will you stay or will you go?
It’s hard to make a decision when they’re now part of your life. Admitting you want a relationship could be the dealbreaker that ends it all but turning a blind eye would be just as painful if they start to see other people.
To help solve the war between your head and your heart, Punkee spoke to sex coach, Georgia Grace to get her advice on turning a situationship into a relationship.
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Reassess Your Situationship
First things first — Take a moment to pause and reflect on how you’re feeling. Think about what you’re looking for in a relationship — regardless if that’s with this person or someone else.
“That form of relationship may have served a need to connect with someone, flirt, have sex or date and perhaps was met within lockdown,” said Georgia. “It’s a good time for anyone involved to check in, reassess and ask ‘What am I wanting post-lockdown?’
To get started, Georgia recommends digging deep and asking yourself a few questions that you can discuss with friends, family, a therapist or even jot down in a good old trusty journal.
- Are you really compatible?
Think about your values and interests and if they align.”Are you compatible because they were there throughout lockdown?” Georgia said. “Or do, they feel like someone you can create a healthy relationship with?” - How do you feel when you’re with them?
Speaking of compatibility, if you’re like most people and have a checklist, Georgia suggests thinking about your connection over how many boxes they tick. “Look at things you value and want in a partner, rather than every box they tick or going for a certain type. How do you want to feel in this relationship and is that how you’re feeling or are you lacking something?” she said. - Are you on the same page?
Once you’re clear on how you feel and what you want, ask yourself: “Is the other person is on the same page? Can they also meet you where you’re at?” Georgia said. “If they can’t meet you with the same openness or can’t give you an answer around what they want or need, maybe that’s a sign to check in and see if this is really a fulfilling relationship.”
How To Have ‘The Relationship’ Conversation
If you’ve made the decision to move beyond a situationship and turn it into a relationship, now is the time to let the other person know.
It might feel awkward and there could be a chance they won’t feel the same, but it’s important to be honest and make sure everyone’s on the same page.
One way you can open the conversation up, is by sharing how you feel to see how they respond, said Georgia. “You could say, ‘I would like to see this relationship go another way but know we had set agreements before we got into this, so want to check in and see how you’re feeling?” she said.
Or, if the tables are turned and you’re interested in dating other people and still want to see them too but don’t know how to tell them, try something like, “I’ve really loved hanging out with you and want to let you know I still want to see you while also dating other people. How do you feel about this?” said Georgia. “Be really clear with your boundaries, your intentions and what you’re wanting and needing so everyone’s on the same page.”
If you do lay everything out on the line and the other person doesn’t feel the same way, it’s time to close this chapter and make room for a new one.
“You can’t coerce someone to be with you. If they’re clear on what they want and can’t give you any more, the hardest but healthiest thing to do is end that relationship and be with someone who can meet your wants and needs. It’s just too painful to be in a situationship, when you want a relationship,” said Georgia.
Moving On From The Relationship You Wanted
Rejection sucks and hopefully it won’t end this way but if you don’t hear the answer you were looking for, just know it’s completely human to feel disappointed, frustrated, and even a little heartbroken.
“You’ve no doubt become really close with this person or you’ve felt this special connection and experienced a lot during the pandemic, and I really want to validate that feeling of sadness or loss of what this relationship could’ve looked like beyond lockdown,” said Georgia.
“You can respond by saying thanks for letting me know and going away and getting the support you need from other loved ones in your life.”
Now it’s time to fill up your cup and get that glow up. Indulge in a little self-care, spend time with friends and family, try a new hobby and go out and meet new people – that situationship served its purpose and it doesn’t need to bring you any more pain.
“People often look for closure and answers from ex-partners that they can’t provide… It can be tough but it’s often something we need to do on our own to heal,” Georgia said.
If you find yourself itching to slide in their DMs or respond to a late-night booty call, remember they couldn’t give you what you want, so now it’s time to find someone who will.