I Watched The Weirdly Sexual KFC Mini-Movie & I Only Have 23 Questions
Hear me out, A Recipe for Seduction deserves an Oscar.
A few weeks back, we told you about a weirdly-horny KFC-inspired Christmas movie was coming, and now, we’re so happy to tell you, it’s out. Running for approximately 16-minutes long, this feature film is the perfect length for anyone looking to dive into romance on their public transport journey to work, on their walk to the gym, or literally anywhere you need a break.
I’ve watched this movie five times now and let’s just say, it gets better every time. Having said this, I did leave the film with a bunch of questions… 23 to be exact.
Let’s dive in.
#1. Did someone say KFC?
Haha, I’m just kidding. Let’s move onto A Recipe for Seduction.
#2. Does Anyone Eat KFC With A Side of Ham and Fried Rice?
This film opens at a dinner banquet where KFC is the main meal. But, I literally can’t help but wonder, why does this Christmas meal look delicious? This Christmas, I am 100% bringing a bucket of KFC with some fried rice. Why have I never thought of this before?
#3. How Long Does UberEats Say KFC Will Take?
God, this movie is making me hungry.
#4. Less Than A Minute In And We Get A Proposal?
This movie isn’t fucking around. I must say, I often don’t watch movies because it takes too long for me to get into the setting and I lose focus. But this movie has a proposal in a matter of a minute? Maybe mini-movies can be my new thing?
#5. What Did The Father Do? OMG…
Okay so, so far, the mother of the daughter is upset because she rejected the proposal from the rich jerk. Classic movie plot. But, right now, I am so curious as to what the father did, because he apparently left them in copious amounts of debt… Why are they in so much debt? And why are they living in such a lavish house if they’re “buried in debt”? There seems to be an easy solution to all these problems and that’s moving out?
#6. Why Do I Find Mario Lopez Hot?
At this point in the movie, Jessica is being introduced to the new chef, who is Harland Sanders (the creator of KFC but we don’t know that just yet…). Now, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever in the years I’ve lived on this planet, ever thought that I would think the Colonel from KFC is hot… So, why am I lusting over him right now? Mario Lopez… what have you done?
#7. Is KFC French In This Universe?
Now, as the mother (Bunny) has just explained, the Colonel was the head chef at Le Petit Pamplemousse, which I am going to assume is a fancy-schmancy French restaurant. But, does KFC not stand for Kentucky Fried Chicken? Maybe the Colonel is French and specialises in Southern food? Hmmm. I spy a plot hole.
#8. Was There A Point In Time That FKC Was For The Rich And Famous Exclusively?
Okay, more plot holes. In this scenario, KFC is only for the extremely rich and wealthy because even these rich folk could barely get a table at the place. I wonder if the Colonel would be happy knowing his recipe made it to food courts around the world…
#9. How Is There This Much Sexual Tension, What The Fuck?
This scene is so hot and yet, it has no right to be.
#10. ‘Crouton’ Is An Insult Now?
As the young heiress gives Colonel Sanders a tour of the property her jerk of a boyfriend psychotically yells at her for not picking up her phone… Sounds like a lot of my exes but anyway, we digress. The most baffling part of this scene is that Billy Garibaldi III (yes, that’s the jerk’s name) calls the Colonel “crouton”. What in the world…
Couldn’t he think of anything better? Aren’t rich people good at insults? We need answers A Recipe for Seduction…
#11. Can We Get The Black, Gay Best Friend A Spin-Off?
I’d watch that.
#12. Why Does The Mum Reply Using Her Daughters Phone? She’s Just Going To Get Caught, Right? Why Didn’t She Use Her Old Phone?
So, after replying to her jerk boyfriend, Jessica (the daughter) goes to take a shower. But, the mother, like an actual idiot, replies to the rich guy using her daughter’s phone. Like, she’s just going to get caught… Right? This scene literally makes no sense.
#13. OMG, THE JERK HOOKED UP WITH THE MUM!??!
Wow… An affair is revealed. I did not see this coming… Wow, this movie is good.
#14. Wait, If The Rich Jerk Has Hooked Up With The Mum, Why Doesn’t He Just Marry Her?
This would literally solve all the problems in A Recipe for Seduction. Like, literally every, single, problem.
#15. Why Does He Think He’s Found The Secret Recipe?
In this scene, Billy Garibaldi III is going through the Colonel’s backpack and finds a hand-written card titled ‘Secret Recipe’. Except, this is not the secret recipe… It literally has the note ‘too much, too little?’ on it. So, why does he think that this is the recipe? Also, the card doesn’t even list the herbs or spices, it just says ‘Herbs and Spices’. Like, that’s not enough? How will he know what to use? This makes no sense…
#16. Has Mario Lopez Always Been This Hot?
Asking for a friend…
#17. Did The Mum Just Kill Jessica’s Best Friend?
Okay so, at this point, Lee (Jessica’s pal) comes home to tell her that Bunny and Billy Garibaldi III have a little something-something on the side there… But, when he confronts the mother, she knocks him out. Romance, drama, and now murder? The Academy Awards better be paying attention…
#18. Wait, That’s It?
Usually, rom-coms elongate the tension and the misunderstanding, but as Jessica and the Colonel literally relieve tension after the smallest misunderstanding in a matter of seconds, there is literally no stakes. I guess this movie hasn’t got the time to do that because it’s 16 minutes long?
#19. OMG, This Mum’s A Bitch
This wasn’t a question, but it had to be said.
#20. THEY TIED HIM UP? WHAT KIND OF MOVIE IS THIS?
Here, Billy is threatening to kill the Colonel. Yep, you read that right. And at this point, we have to ask, what the fuck is going on? Where has the plot taken us? Why does he need to be killed? This would literally solve no problems… In fact, it would create more problems. Do they want more problems? Because that’s what they’re going to get…
#21. Could They Not Have Had Better Lighting For The Kiss?
Yay. Evil is defeated. Love is restored. This is literally the climax of the movie, but sadly, I can barely see it!
#22. Married? A Year Later?
That was quick. I wonder how long they were engaged for? How long did they have to plan the wedding? I guess rich people move quickly. Wait, are they still rich…
#23. Why Is The Mum In A Mental Institution And Not Billy Garibaldi III?
So, it’s the end of the movie and it’s established that Bunny Mancera is in a mental institution and she’s visited by Billy Garibaldi III. Here, Billy Garibaldi III menacingly utters “I found them” whilst proceeding to eat some KFC, presuming he knows the whereabouts of the Colonel and Jessica. But, why? Like, are they seeking revenge? Isn’t Billy Garibaldi III the one with all the money? Can he not just find another suitor? And why is the mum in a mental institution when he is just as bad?
Okay, that’s A Recipe for Seduction movie folks. I highly recommend watching it. You can watch the glorious film here:
10/10 wicked wings for me.