Argument: Scrunchies are actually amazing

For a little while now scrunchies have been peeping their way back into the accessory annals, on the tails of other garments which don’t have as many bad memories attached such as overalls and parachute fabric leisure jackets. Have you considered that the only reason you think scrunchies are ugly is because they are often paired with the most unflattering high fashions from the ’90s peak? Block out the boxy coats and barrel-rolled fringes, and scrunchies stand out as a cute and kind of daring hair choice.

Model Cara Delevigne wears them day to day.

Having said that, those two belong to blue blood families of England and apparently that means they can wear whatever the hell they want because their status is so secure. Your common-born Kate Middleton types, however, can’t ever hope to wear a baller scrunchie because they’ve got to disassociate themselves from the proletariat. Not that Kate would ever contemplate it, good Christ.

But don’t worry about that, it’s time for everyone to ditch the disdain.

Scrunchies are actually amazing and do not deserve your ridicule, because they have a dual magic: They are both functional and visually glorious.

Exhibit A: Functional

Anyone who has ever tied their hair back knows the sharp sting across soft hand-flesh when a hair elastic snaps.

They also know that crap elastics pull your hair and stretch your follicles into sad, droopy holes like the lobes of guys who’ve taken their stretchers out (which, incidentally, can cost thousands of dollars to repair by a plastic surgeon. That’s a ’90s trend which you can’t readily get rid of).

But there’s something about the gently rouched fabric of a scrunchie which holds your pony taught without strangling the everliving shit out of it. That’s why they are so popular with sportswomen, particularly gymnasts, who have to keep their hair slicked to perfection whilst tumbling through the air at mach two.

Exhibit B: Visually Glorious

There are as many kinds of scrunchie as there are fabrics in the world. Actually there’s more, because you can get crocheted ones and beaded ones and what have you. While Missoni famously released a $95 version last month which was available for purchase on Net-a porter (and it looks horrid by the way, like a cobwebbed Ishka scarf), American Apparel have a selection for the reasonable price of $6 and there’re even $4 scrunchies at scrunchies.com.au, which includes categories such as food, dotty, animal, sparkly, and crushed velvet.

However upon visiting your local Lincraft you’ll realise that even $4 is a pretty penny to pay for a scrunchie. They are about the easiest thing in the land to make, and here I will show you how.

You need:

A long rectangle of fabric (about 20 to 30cm X 5 to 10cm, if precision is your jag).

Needle and thread

Elastic (20cm or so)

What to do:

1. Set up your rectangle. It doesn’t need to be perfect as the scrunch will hide most imperfections. Put it good side up.

2. Fold it in half lengthways. My scrunchie now has the soft fluffy inner guts of the polar fleece on the outside.

3. Sew along the top so that you make a tube. Again, it doesn’t have to be pretty sewing but make sure it isn’t loose. This bit is a lot easier if you don’t have a parrot who is into shiny things, like me.

4. Carefully turn your tube inside out.

5. Measure out some elastic to about two thirds of the length of your scrunchie.

6. Thread it through your tube. The old trick for this bit is to attach a safety pin to the end so that it’s easy to shove through, but I couldn’t find one so used a lighter and it worked fine.

7. Tie the elastic off, and trim it if you need.

8. This part is kind of fiddly. Sew your tube shut as daintily as possible, but remember, the scrunch is good camouflage for mistakes.

9. Put that majestic shit in your hair. Or anywhere!

Words by Zoe Radas