This Super Scientific Article Will Guess Your Personality Based On Your Fave Aussie Bev

Science is a weird and wonderful thing. Whether it’s finding cures, researching other lifeforms, or waving your hand through the flame of a bunsen burner until your teacher begs you to stop. Everyday science continues to teach us more about this crazy thing called life.

Anyway, this article is not based on anything scientific whatsoever.

But this is what I’m going to need you to do. Pick your fave Aussie beverage and I’m going to stare deep into your soul from a computer screen and tell you exactly what you’re like as a person.

It’s cheaper than a psychic, I guess.

aussie drinks

1. Oak choccie milk

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A kid at heart, you’re all about appreciating the smaller things in life. You enjoy seeking new experiences and like to be part of the crowd. You tend to use excited phrases like “let’s go on an adventure!” even if it just means going for a casual stroll outside.

Sure you may be slightly naive at times and sarcasm tends to go over your head, but your friends love your innocent nature and will protect you at all costs.


2. Passiona

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You love to be centre stage and get involved in everyone’s business – no judgement here, everyone needs a messy bitch who lives for drama in their life.

You’re often found furiously texting or typing on your laptop, and loudly gasp a lot while typing things like, “BITCH, I’M SCREAMING”. Everyone goes to you for the goss (and to dish the goss), but you’re also good at keeping a secret when you need to.


3. Golden Oak

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You’re a university student, probably in your first or second year. Your weekly grocery shop includes Mi Goreng, homebrand OJ and a sexy silver sack. And maybe, like, one carrot or something.

You spend your Wednesday nights sipping goon from a plastic cup that hasn’t been washed properly since your last cheap wine adventure. Everyone likes you because you’re easy-going, happy to go with the flow… and you know how to have a good time wherever you are.


4. Cottee’s

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You’re the life of the party until something doesn’t go your way, then you’re known to get a lil stroppy. But everyone has their highs and lows, and your addictive personality means you’re easily forgiven.

People like being near you because of your enthusiasm and energy, even though most days you normally conk out by 9pm.


5. Milo

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Reliable, trustworthy and a team player – you’re the kind of person people can count on. You’re always ready to lend a sympathetic ear and you also give great advice.

Some people may think you’re a bit boring at first, but you soon grow on people and your wide-ranging social circles prove that making and keeping friends comes naturally to you.


6. VB

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You’re so chilled out people may think you’re either lazy or asleep, but that doesn’t phase you. In fact, nothing really phases you at all.

You’re the kinda person people want to hang out with to escape their own shitty drama, and while you may not always give solid advice, you can at least distract them with weird facts or random banter. So much random banter.


7. Farmers Union Iced Coffee

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You just like to get in and get it done. No project is too big or too small. You excessively use the term “mate” whether it’s to acknowledge someone, jokingly bag someone out, or even when you’re angry.

For the most part, you’re pretty chilled and patient but if you have to repeat yourself or a job isn’t being done the way you like it, you’ll get a bit snarky.


8. Just Juice

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You fit in with ease in most situations, even if you’re not the loudest or funniest in the room. People can sometimes take you for granted because everyone is used to your calm, natural presence and sometimes don’t give you the credit you truly deserve.

You can be a bit of a thirsty bitch. but you probably won’t voice too many strong opinions until you’re a couple of drinks in.


 9. Flat White

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You’re seen as a bit of a straighty-180 and you tend to function best when you have a routine and schedule in place – during the week that is. You ease up on the weekend and like to alternate your activities from socialising and partying, to trying to be one with nature and go on a bushwalk or something more “spontaneous”.

Is it really that spontaneous if it’s planned though, Flat White? That’s OK, you do you boo, and keep living your best life.

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Oh, and what did I pick? Thanks for asking. I’m somewhere between a Milo and a Passiona. Disclaimer: I wouldn’t recommend ever mixing those two bevs together.