We’ve Ranked Aussie Festivals Based On How Loosey Goosey People Get
It’s no secret that Aussies take their festival scene very seriously. After all, it’s a time to relax, unwind, and get so shit-faced that you almost end up crapping yourself.
Each festival has its own certain…EDGE to it, though some more than others. We all know (or have been) someone who’s gone to a festival and accidentally-on-purpose got so blind the whole damn experience was a blur. Quite literally.
Therefore, we’ve put together a list of which Aussie Festivals have the most Loosey-Goosey-Apple-Juicy attendees.
Hint: Number 2 will SHOCK YOU.
#11. LISTEN OUT
Listen Out attendees always pre-game waaay too hard. You’ll be taking thot pics in your graphic tee, nine ciders down, and before you know it it’s 4pm and everyone’s looking for Mount Franklin bottles to stash their dranks.
You’ll most likely find Listen Out attendees crashed under a tree somewhere, complaining about how hungry and hot they are. They went way too hard at pres, and no amount of warm-ass baby food pouched Vodka is gonna cut it.
#10. GROOVIN’ THE MOO
The ‘loose’ at GTM is more of a controlled loose. People can only allocate themselves a specific window where they can go crazy because the whole time they’re thinking “how the fuck am I getting home?”.
GTM is always out in Woop Woop, so even if you’re staying nearby on site, you’re always wondering how TF you’re gonna get there.
Getting loose at FOMO is all fun and games until you realise it’s literally only one fkn stage.
People go hard asf at pres and feel lit, but when they feel themselves coming down and the choice is to lose their spot in the mosh and go buy a drink, well, HELL NAH. You didn’t trek it all the way here to see Nicki Minaj from the back? Nah, let’s sober up and get on someone’s shoulders.
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Getting loose at Harbourlife is KIC: Keep it classy. As long as your stripey Guess Shirt is clean, your Zimmerman Playsuit is poppin’, and your Camilla Bikini isn’t showing TOO much nipple, you’re good.
Always make sure that you’re keeping your Smirnoff Ice intake to a minimum because there are more private-school-girls that get kicked out of Harbourlife than there are ticket sales.
Then there’s always that one guy who gets so drunk at Harbourlife that he jumps into the harbour and swims. Plz don’t. That ‘ish is nasstayy.
#7. FALLS FESTIVAL
Falls is just one big hoopla of people who weren’t bothered to throw a New Years Party. Clearly their private-school clientele generates no issue with spending $400+ for a ticket, so getting wasted at $12 a can is a bloody bargain.
The Victorian Festival is home to some of the LEWSEST individuals, as everyone wants to end their year absolutely mortal. 2019 WHO?! The drinks don’t stop at midnight tho so kick-ons are too real!
(Probably cos nobody wants to start their new year in a busty ass tent.)
You ever wanted a ChupaChup and no one would share?
The electronic dance festival was the birthplace of Aussie gabbering, and nothing will ever come close. Want to know why patrons are so off their heads? The answer lies in every shirtless Zyzz-look-alike’s bum bag.
With thots on tap and MoeyDw’s on speaker, there are enough confiscated substances to quench a small country. Also, why everyone be having so much sex in the festival cubicles?!
If the title wasn’t a giveaway, what even is?
We don’t know what’s in the air at Happydaze, but we’re sure it’s grassy. The décor alone has patrons hallucinating before they unpack their dairy-free chamomile.
For a bunch of vegans, they seem to be fine ingesting… whatever they’re ingesting. One thing’s for sure, the mushrooms being consumed are NOT Portobello.
#4. STRAWBERRY FIELDS
Located in Tocumwal NSW, which even if you live in NSW you’ve never heard of it, patrons at Strawberry Fields are NXT LVL off their face.
We’re talking like batshit, blind, who the fk are you type of effed up. Literally, everybody is 90% naked, half-passed out and dancing with their arms in the air (you know what I’m talking about).
#3. SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS
You don’t get looser than you do at Splendour.
It’s July and you’ve realised that it’s halfway through the year, and you haven’t completed any of your NY resolutions. The solution? Get absolutely blind, mortal, yolo, lit, titties type of loose and indulge into that feeling that has been building up for months.
There’s not one type of loose at Splendour. Everyone’s got their own tried-and-tested methods of getting wrecked.
It’s a melting, diverse pot of wasted <3. Oh stahp, look at us getting sentimental!
#2. Tamworth Country Music Festival
Y’all thought your neighbour Sharon was just heading up the coast for a girls weekend? NAHP. That bish is up at Tamworth Country Music Festival probably passed out. Country music fans be getting on all types of things and getting down and dirty to the latest Kasey Chambers classic.
It’s the one festival where adults can get as far away from their workplace and let their hair down, and no one will ever know. Because what happens in Tamworth, stays in Tamworth.
#1. MIDNIGHT MAFIA
Clearly everybody at Midnight Mafia has a cold because there’s enough Vicks in the garbage bins to cure an influenza.
When you’ve got 10,000 people rocking up to Sydney Olympic Park, dressed fully in activewear and faux Gucci bum bags, you KNOW some shit’s about to go down.
An event that brings dogs, police, and riot squads all together in one place, is sure to be a party. Throw in a sick muzz and some haqqing and you’ve got yourself a whole bunch of loose cannons ready to blow!
DOOF DOOF DOOF.