Just Hear Me Out: It’s Time To Admit Aussie Men Are Terrible At Dating

A few years ago, after living in Australia my whole life I moved to Canada. I still so clearly remember the first time I went to a bar and a guy walked up to me with a smile, said hello, and asked if he could buy me a drink.

Yes, ladies, he literally just said a friendly greeting and offered me a beverage. Nothing else.

As a cis-women doomed to be attracted to men, I cannot fully explain the pure shock I felt at this friendly and respectful interaction with a boy who found me kind of cute.

No grabbing my wrist to yank me over to him. No groping my boobs or butt (or vag, on more than one occasion) before we’d exchanged a single word, no sneak attack grinding up on me from behind on the dancefloor, no stalking me around that dancefloor for the rest of the night when I made it clear I wasn’t interested. Instead, he’d just treated me like a… human.

Surely this was a one-off, right? This guy just happened to be raised right, but soon the groping and grabbing and disrespect would come.

Nope.

After two years I can safely say this is the NORMAL way men approach women in Canada. In fact, it’s the normal way men approach women in most Western countries. Hell, just in most countries.

You know what else? When you say a pleasant “thanks, but no thanks”, the men simply leave you to it. No calling you names, no assuming you’re a lesbian, just “have a nice night” as they walk away.

I Was. Shook. For two whole years.

And here lies the problem with dating apps in Australia: it’s not the apps fault, they can only introduce you to what’s on offer. It’s the Australian dating culture that’s broken.

I briefly dated an Aussie guy in December who told me he was going travelling for 5 weeks in Argentina. He did the classic ghost move once he got there but failed to mention in the time we dated he was moving back to Australia after his travels and I find that bloody hilarious

— monika ❁ (@MonikaYoung_) February 17, 2020

There’s Nothing Normal About Aussie ‘Romance’

I was honestly so used to the entitlement to women’s bodies, bruised egos at rejections (no matter how nice you were about it), and the never-ending mind games that are a staple of Australian dating culture (at least, the straight kind) that I truly thought it was normal. Mates, it’s not normal. It’s fucked.

For some reason, in Australia, showing any sign of attraction to someone is a cardinal dating sin.

More than once I’ve very casually mentioned I had a good time with a guy, only to immediately watch him get terrified as if I’d just declared my undying love for him, after one date. Like, calm down mate, I thoroughly enjoyed kicking your arse at mini golf but I’m not about to buy a ring.

The L-Bomb

Speaking of love, we all avoid using that word around a date like it’s the damn plague, even if what you’re expressing love for is something as non-date related as the weather. It’s like saying love three times in any context around someone you find attractive will conjure loneliness and heartbreak for eternity.

On the other hand, I’ve never been chased harder than by Australian men who I’ve told, point-blank, that I didn’t want another date with them. Honestly, make it make sense.

Don’t Be A Dick

Before you get on me about dating apps being for casual hookups like it’s some sort of justification for treating people like shit, let me just say, please don’t.

Yes, dating apps attract people who are looking for everything from a one-nighter to a lasting relationship, and they’re all legitimate things to be looking for.

The thing is even the casual ‘fuck buddy’ situations I’ve had from dating apps outside of Australia have still been so respectful, fun, and filled with kindness. I’m still friends with them to this day. In Australia, we could never.

Apparently here, the second you don’t want a relationship with someone you have to treat them like shit. So I’m here to say no, don’t be a dick.

Be honest about what you want but then treat each other like… humans. On the flip side, I don’t care if you just want to get laid, don’t you dare accept anyone into your bedroom who doesn’t treat you with a basic level of kindness — you know, unless it’s a role play you both agreed upon beforehand.

The Bad Aussie Rep

I don’t know what the answer to all this is, besides the fact that I now usually swipe left on any fellow Aussies, but let me just tell you we’re getting a reputation for it.

I was in America, explaining to a poor unsuspecting woman who had just been ghosted by an Aussie guy she’d met on an app that this is just standard shitty dating practice for my country. Next minute a completely different woman popped by our table to say she was sorry for eavesdropping, but she’d lived in Australia for two years and everything I was saying was absolutely true.

Perhaps it’s time we all grow up a bit, and stop ruining dating apps for the whole country, yes?