17 Handy Tips For Surviving The Current Heatwave From Hell

Australia is going through a massive heatwave this summer, and it’s even turning weather maps purple, so you know it’s bloody EXTREME.

If you’ve somehow missed the news of our nation reaching peak heat, then you only need to witness this image that’s been circulating around:

As Paris Hilton would say, “that’s hot.”

But truly, it’s actually so hot in Australia right now that bats are falling from trees. Don’t be like that bat. We’ve brainstormed some tips for staying cool in this extreme heat.

Here are some helpful tips to survive the latest heatwave:

1. Match with someone on Tinder who has a pool.

2. Sit in the coolroom at your local bottle-o until they kick you out.

3. Complain loudly about being hot on public transport.

4. Tweet about how hot it is.

5. Post an Instagram story with the temperature, to prove it’s hot.

6. Eat Zooper Doopers, and only Zooper Doopers until the heatwave subsides.

7. Keep your freezer door open to slowly cool your house.

8. Replace all your furniture with bags of ice.

9. Start using ice cream as a moisturiser.

10. Say “it’s hot innit?” to your neighbour, the person at the grocery store, that awkward coworker who you never know what to talk to about, etc.

11. Walk around with ice packs strapped to all your sweaty areas.

12. Take a nap in a bath filled with 7/11 slushies.

13. Fill up a bin with ice and make someone push you around so you can still complete all your daily tasks.

14. Buy out all the fans in Kmart and set them up in every area of your house.

15. Set up a tent at the beach. It’s your new home now.

16. Never leave work because chances are the A/C is cranking at a temperature that will make you want to wear your winter clothes. 

17. Move to Antarctica.

But in all seriousness folks, stay safe, stay hydrated and make sure your pets are also protected. See you on the other side.