An ‘Australian Idol’ Contestant Has Spoken Out About Being “Physically Attacked” While On The Show
CW: This article discusses suicide and physical abuse.
One of Australian Idol’s most memorable contestants (and a personal fave) Ben McKenzie has given a revealing interview on Mark Holden’s podcast about his time on the show.
Featuring on the latest episode of Our Idol Archives, Ben shared what his experience was like making the top 12 in the third season of Australian Idol, which would crown Natalie Gauci the winner.
If Ben’s name doesn’t sound familiar, this spine-tingling performance of Imogen Heap’s ‘Hide and Seek’ might jog your memory.
CHILLS. If you grew up watching Idol, there’s a good chance you had a filthy crush on Ben. Guilty!
Mark and his daughter Katie interviewed Ben, who reflected on going from being a kid working at Woolies to a household name in 2007. “It was a weird time for me, I can’t lie about it. I found it to be a really intense experience,” Ben began. “I’m turning 30 in a couple of weeks and feel like I still am a 16-year-old trapped in a 30-year-old’s body. I feel like [it’s involved] lots of processing and it’s taken me up until this point to even evaluate what that experience was for me.”
Ben said he struggled with marrying his Christian upbringing with his sexual identity, all under the public eye. “When I got into the top 12, I was interviewed on the radio and this women came up to me live and asked me how it felt to be the first gay on Australian Idol, and put a microphone in my face. I was really intimidated by that, because it’s like ‘hold on, I’m a 16-year-old child, why is my sexuality any of your business?’,” he recalled.
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He revealed that there was a lot that happened behind the scenes that affected his mental health. “People were sending me letters on the internet telling me to kill myself, at age 16…it was a mixture of people wanting to marry me and have children with me, and then the opposite of that, which was ‘you should end your life, you homo’.”
The singer then recalled a harrowing experience he had before one of the live shows. “The week before I left [Australian Idol] because I was young and rebellious, I went out with a bunch of people who I just met for a walk and I was physically attacked and had my jaw dislocated,” he said.
“I was not highly femininely dressed in any shape or form, so it showed me that people are ready to attack people regardless of what they even look like or how they present. But I pissed my pants, and I was bleeding all out my mouth, and I thought ‘this is traumatising’ and they were asking me for my phone and for years since then I’ve struggled to leave the house at night.”
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Ben said that, despite his injuries, he still went on to take the Australian Idol stage. “I then performed on the show, I was doing ‘Wonderwall’ in this weird physical pain that I was experiencing.” At this stage, Mark interjected to ask, “did we know that?” to which Ben replied, “I felt a huge shame around the fact that had happened, so I lied to the producers about it. And then they found out that I had lied, and they came down on me like a ton of bricks about the fact I had lied to them, and it was like, I’m a child! I was ashamed that that had happened to me.”
Mark sounded shaken, replying, “I just cannot believe that this is the first time that we’re hearing about this,” he said. Ben added, “We just didn’t want it getting out to the world, because then I’d have to address that [his sexuality] and I was not able to articulate it.” Ben added that he didn’t think he was old enough to be prepared for that level of fame and media scrutiny. “I do think it’s a bit intense that they let people of very young age on to shows of that calibre,” he concluded.
Following Australian Idol, Ben rebranded by cutting his surname and going by Benjamin Fraser, and eventually found a new love of performing working with diverse production company Naughty Noodle Fun Haus. “I did a fair bit of original writing, [then] I got into theatre here and there. I’ve been trying to write music but I haven’t had the actual confidence to put it out into the world since that point [on Idol],” he said. “I’m still performing but in a different way, I do a lot of drag now.”
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If you need support, both Lifeline on 13 11 14 and the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 offer 24-hour assistance. For further information about youth mental health, both Headspace and Reach Out can provide guidance, as well as LGBTI support network QLife. You can also talk to a medical professional or someone you trust.