SURVIVOR RECAP: Ding Dong, Zach Is Gone & It’s Raining Nachos

Australian Survivor is finally getting good. Ding dong, Zach is gone and the contender tribe has never been happier.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Back on Monday’s ep we joined Tegan and Anita as they both found themselves on Exile Beach.

They are angry and yell in each other’s faces a lot.

It seems the only way they can sort out their differences is to get absolutely savage over a round of Jenga.

Tegan’s style is wildly against the official Jenga rules.

Anita’s form is also terrible.

Tegan finally gets the idea.

Then Anita’s game comes crashing down.

Anita finally admits defeat and is sent away to live out her days in the most deplorable place in the world – Kuta Beach, in Bali.

‘Bitch, watch yo back.’

Tegan rejoins her tribe but clearly hates everyone. She accuses the dudes of lying to the other girls. Tegan wants revenge.

The men are left looking sheepish and become convinced they’re about to become the ladies dinner, as the tribe continues to lose every challenge and will inevitably turn to cannibalism for food.

At Fire Chat Zach tells Hostie that he is the best and everyone else sucks and that’s why all the suckers should keep him.

He tries to save himself by telling the women that they’re terrible, which is a stupid as shit bold strategy when battling against a female majority.

‘I AM SO GREAT! I AM SO GREAT!’

‘I wonder what we should do with his bones.’

‘But seriously, I can speak for all the men here when I say that we are superior to women and should rule the planet.’

‘Dude….’ (sends telepathically)

‘Stop…’ (sends telepathically)

‘Can’t wait to eat barbequed Zach tonight. Yum!’

‘Bon appetite bitch.’

Robbie prays that the women in the tribe don’t execute and eat him too.

‘Please island God, halp me.’

Zach is finally sent off the island forever and inevitably returns to a life of protein shakes, leg days and LYNX Africa.

Life without Zach on the island is pretty fucking bleak though.

The women grieve the loss.

The entire camp is barely holding it together.

There’s just too many nachos to eat.

And far too much margarita mix.

The contenders without Zach are clearly faced with a lifetime of despair.

Over at the champs camp, Commando Steve is talking absolute shite and no one has a clue what he’s on about.

‘Life is about pain and with pain comes life.’

He doesn’t stop there.

‘The eyes are the windows to the soul, the fingers are the doors to consciousness and my feet pave the path to happiness.’

‘W0T M8?!?’

‘Put simply, Australia philosopher Shannon Noll once told us ‘You gotta lift’, and you really do.’

This makes more sense.

Challenges this week were again super boring but at least the contenders finally won something.

I can assume the game was based on how many people can stand on a triangular plank at once.

Despite their win, they still lost the immunity challenge and ended up heading to Fire Chat for the 289th time.

Paige left.

This is Paige.

I’ve never seen her before either.