SURVIVOR RECAP: The Contenders Are Now Champs, Champs Are Contenders & I Need More Wine
Survivor is back and I’m only half as drunk as I was last week. We can’t all be winners.
This week the two tribes mixed it up and thoroughly fucked up the purpose of this entire show.
What happened to Champions Vs Contenders? Now it’s just a massive clusterfuck of Olympians, insta-famous hotties and people that once worked at Nando’s.
The big moment kicked off on Monday. The two tribes are doing an almighty switcharoo… for some reason.
The contestants are shook. Actually shook doesn’t do this picture justice.
Everyone gets randomly assigned to a tribe.
Tegan is leaving her tribe to hang with randoms and she is THRILLED.
She’s never been soo happy.
Her old tribe were absolutely devo to see her go.
‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ starts playing.
Fresh from the tribe switcharoo, the new teams head into a challenge.
I don’t understand what this game is all about, other than the islanders making sex faces at each other.
There’s sexual tension building between Benji and Sam. Let me tell you, those boys have baggage.
‘Hey Benji. Benjiiiiiii.’
‘I’m not talking to you. Not again. We’re in opposing tribes. This can’t happen.’
‘I haven’t forgotten about our special time together beneath the coconut tree.’
‘No one can know about us! That was a one-off and I was drunk off papaya!!’
‘I’ll be waiting for you on our special island, atop a mountain I’ve renamed Mattenji.’
The eye-fucking continues over between Lydia and Robbie.
It gets very intense.
Like VERY IN-FUCKING-TENSE.
This show is low-key NSFW.
It’s time to repent.
My faith is shaken and I need to find Jesus.
At least someone got a happy ending.
The Contenders win and maybe they are now The Champs?!? Or The Champions are just normies now?! I don’t know who I am anymore.
Anyways, now they rule the island.
They’re actually eating like kings.
(RIP Jonathan 2.0)
Shaken by the loss, the other tribe have fallen to disrepute. When faced with defeat after getting used to winning everything, they’re dealing with it in their own way.
‘I am fish. I now live in the sea,’ says Shane.
‘Nah Shane, you’ve got to get up! We have challenges to win.’
‘I am fish.’
While a man I have legit never seen before in my life decides to ditch his team and start his own tribe.
He starts an unusual renaming rituals.
I don’t know where he is going with this…
‘WE ARE THE UNDIE MEN! FEAR US! FEAR US!!!’
The tribe are super impressed by the new branding.
His strategy works and somehow at tribal council ‘Undie Man’ avoids elimination and our girl Tegan finally gets set free from this fresh hell.
Back on the other side of the island, Benji decides he will go to be with astrophysicist bae aka Sam.
‘It’s night time and I’ve been entranced again. His damn magical eyes are filled with stars and planets.’
‘He’s waiting for me and I’m going to get my man.’
Benji walks slowly into the ocean.
He and Matt were never seen again.
I’m as happy for them as Robbie’s sex face.
Not sorry.