The Definitive Ranking Of The Cheap AF Booze We Drank As Teens
Most Australian folks love a cheeky bevy, and in our teenage years (after we’d turned 18, of course) it was all about drinking booze that was as cheap as possible.
This meant there were a few brands of drinks that were always present at parties in high school and into university. However, not all cheap hooch was created equal. Some varieties are much more palatable than others.
From Passion Pop to Fruity Lexia, we’ve ranked the awful drinks we consumed in our teen years. Yes, I am triggered.
The definitive ranking of the cheap booze Australian teens drink:
#14. Smirnoff Ice, Double Black
Just thinking about this devil drink makes me nauseous. The smell of it gives me flashbacks to lying on cold tiles in my friend’s bathroom. This mix is responsible for at least 80% of my hangovers and I will never touch the stuff again.
#13. Vodka Cruiser, Mudshake, Classic Chocolate
I don’t know who thought a creamy milk drink should be available to buy in four-packs, but let me tell you, mixing this drink with anything else will create a vomit-inducing cocktail.
#12. Stanley Wines, Fruity Lexia aka Goon
If you didn’t spend your post-high school years with a goon bag on hand at any given time, did you even grow up in Australia? While this drink gets extra points for nostalgia, I can’t say that ‘Fruity Lexia’ tasted anything like fruit, or wine. It mostly just tasted like pain.
#11. UDL, Ouzo & Cola
Speaking of pain, while many of the UDL flavours are actually pretty drinkable, the ouzo and cola brings nothing but sadness. I personally don’t enjoy drinking liquorice-flavoured coke and don’t know anybody who would disagree with me.
#10. Little Fat Lamb, Brewed Ginger
If you’re more partial to cider, Little Fat Lamb is a deceptively alcoholic drink that’s super sweet and goes down a little too fast. One bottle might get your drunk but two bottles will end you for the night. It can be lethal.
#9. Red Bear, Vodka & Raspberry
These taste like pure sugar and just looking at the packaging gives me a tooth ache.
#8. Passion Pop, Original
Ahhh, sweet memories! The original cheap wine often shared by a groups of girlies before a night out. It will certainly get you lit, but the taste is not pleasant…AT ALL.
#7. Gossips, Sweet Lips Pink Moscato
For years it was all about Passion Pop, until Gossips came along to seduce me. Unlike PP, Sweet Lips Pink Moscato actually tastes good…a little too good. It’s so sweet you chug it down like soft drink until the night starts to blur.
#6. Sling Shots, Blazing Cowboy
It’s a pity they don’t make these pre-made cocksucking cowboy shots anymore. They were the perfect way to kickstart a night, and they were sweet enough to go down a treat.
#5. Jim Beam, Bourbon Whisky & Cola
Now THIS takes me right back to high school parties. It tastes smooth and is perfect for slowly sipping around a bonfire while having a D&M with your bestie.
#4. Lemon Ruskies
This will always be the booze I stole from Mum’s fridge, and for that reason alone, it always feels special to drink. Either way, it’s still tangy and refreshing — perfect for a summer party.
#3. UDL, Green Apple
Unlike the ouzo flavour of UDL, I can actually drink more than two sips of green apple. It’s fresh and a little sour, but by far the best UDL flavour, don’t even @ me.
#2. Vodka Cruiser, Juicy Watermelon
Speaking of best flavours, the watermelon Vodka Cruiser is the only variety worth knowing about. It’s like drinking in summer, or at the very least sipping on a fresh fruit platter. It’s so good, one bottle turns into four and just like that I’m lying in my backyard and the sky is spinning.
#1. Midori, Illusion
Midori and Lemonade was the first alcoholic drink I ever tasted, but as I matured I started to drink this updated version, which is the perfect combination of vodka, melon and pineapple. I might be long past my high school years now but I’d still grab a bottle of this fruity mix given the chance.
The perfect teen drink doesn’t ex–