Tonight’s Brutal ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Retold Via Funny Tweets
We’re back for more fun in the sun on Bachelor In Paradise! Sadly, we must pour one out for Abbie. She came, she conquered and she left Fiji absolutely cursing the day Jamie was ever born. Huge mood.
Ciarran is proving that he’s not so much on BIP to find a connection, but to pounce on every new girl who enters the villa. Tonight he quickly moved from Abbie to Jess, an intruder from Matt Agnew’s season of The Bachelor. While he was in bed with Abbie the night before, he ended in Jess’ bed the following evening.
Does Ciarran think he’s the token Brit on a Contiki tour? Is Osher the guide? Has Glenn accidentally joined the wrong trip?! (That explains A LOT.)
Ciarran turning out to be just like every other fuckboi in Australia is honestly just extremely on brand for this clusterfuck of a year. Thankfully, while this episode was brutal to watch, the tweets were everything.
Tonight’s Bachelor In Paradise retold in hilarious tweets:
Abbie gets a date card and obviously picks Ciarran. They end up pashing each other’s faces off.
Abbie and Ciarran together..
*crickets*#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/qvEZjAfFSu— erin ✨ (@erinhocking) July 16, 2020
IF 👏🏼 ABBIE 👏🏼 WANTS 👏🏼 TO 👏🏼 DRY 👏🏼 HUMP 👏🏼 MEN 👏🏼 ON👏🏼 THE 👏🏼BEACH 👏🏼 SHE 👏🏼 HAS 👏🏼 MY 👏🏼👏🏼 UN 👏🏼 WAVERING 👏🏼 SUPPORT 👏🏼 AND 👏🏼 SHE 👏🏼 SHOULD 👏🏼 HAVE 👏🏼 YOURS 👏🏼 TOO 👏🏼 #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Victoria Quested (@VictoriaQuested) July 16, 2020
Ciarran: I cheated on my ex so I could break up with her
everyone else: wow Abbie's a bitch #BachelorInParadiseAU— brendon (@BrendonFoye) July 16, 2020
Jamie is whinging about the rose ceremony and fretting over who he should give his rose to but Timm DGAF.
Timm paddling away from Jaime is me trying to get through 2020 #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Caitlin Smedley (@CaityElyse) July 16, 2020
last season Jamie gave us ‘ingenuine’.
this season Jamie gave us ‘infectuous’.
i wish he’d stop giving. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/WoZrmSURM9— alysha (@intosneedy) July 16, 2020
Whereas, Niranga is nowhere to be seen.
jamie shuts up and gives all his screen time to niranga challenge #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Katie K (@katiekendalls_) July 16, 2020
Hey girls, do you know who also has a rose? #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/6rPNGR1nZg
— Milhouse Thrilhouse (@Minquist01) July 16, 2020
Mary and Helena are fighting over Glenn but he tells Mary that he only sees her as a friend. I’m still not sure who this man is.
MARY GLENN HAS A SOUTHERN CROSS TATT, LOVE YOURSELF #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Jenna Guillaume⁷ (@JennaGuillaume) July 16, 2020
Who the hell is Glenn?! #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/P115wteBIl
— Nathan Brown (@nathanbrown90) July 16, 2020
Um, who is Glenn?
Was he even on a Bachie season? #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/q9cybSewL3— Veronica Eggleton (@veggleton) July 16, 2020
Janey tries flirting with Timm but ultimately Britt ends up seducing him with a candlelit bubble bath.
Me every time they force two people in a bath together on these bloody shows #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/vtgWxViHly
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) July 16, 2020
Please stop doing baths in these shows. We are all still so traumatised #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/pB6CDoI9Qo
— Emma Shelley 🐀 (@emjshelley) July 16, 2020
Litney sets her sights on Jamie of all people, but when she asks him on a date, he shuts her down. Litney gets upset and we hate to see it.
Actual footage of Australia coming for jaimie after hurting Brittney, our national treasure: #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/3sdU2HvLj0
— Milhouse Thrilhouse (@Minquist01) July 16, 2020
Me when I see Jamie doesn’t want to give Brittney a chance #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/KdZ2NzLRte
— Jerome Doraisamy (@JeromeDoraisamy) July 16, 2020
My deep and constant concern for Brittney’s wellbeing is how I imagine it feels to be a parent #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Kristen Amiet (@KrissiAmiet) July 16, 2020
Jess arrives in paradise and when Ciarran gets back from his date with Abbie, he ditches her and hooks up with Jess. Ugh. Men.
Abbie: “Ciarran is mine”
Jess:
#bachelorinparadiseau pic.twitter.com/MSKbpGliYe— AtomicNicky (@AtomicNicky) July 16, 2020
Ciarran walked in naked, cheated on his ex, pursued her friend, pashed Abbie because he didnt get a kiss from Cass, & is moving on to a 3rd woman in 48 hrs. He's a fan favourite & loved by the whole cast while Abbie & Jess are bullied & slut-shamed. 🙃🙃🙃 #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/NtH0AebTQY
— Claire Boland (@ClaireLBoland) July 16, 2020
You either die a hero or live long eneough to become the villain #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/rssCdpw0T5
— Weslee #TeamJujubee (@WSpark98NZ) July 16, 2020
Osher bursts in to announce that the rose ceremony is tonight. Abbie gets to work trying to find a man to give her a rose, approaching both Jake and Jamie. But she has competition from Cass and Brittney.
Brittney: “whats Jamie going to do, give a petal to everyone? Hahaha”
Jamie:#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/co6KyMlwGP
— 𝐃𝐲𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰𝐬 (@DylanMatthews91) July 16, 2020
Remember when Jamie rocked up and said he was going to be more normal than he was with Angie? #BachelorInParadiseAU
— 𝕃𝕚𝕝 ℕ𝕒𝕫𝕫𝕒 #BLM (@lil_nazza) July 16, 2020
Ultimately, our Gemini queen’s time was up and Abbie, along with Janey, were sent home roseless.
Abbey: I'm fine #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/CNjU168Z0p
— Shannon (@Shannonmaree83) July 16, 2020
Well, Abbie is gone. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/PnKnKGvbKm
— Jessica Marie (@donnithorpes) July 16, 2020
I only just realised that Cass and Janey are different people #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Jerome Doraisamy (@JeromeDoraisamy) July 16, 2020