Tonight’s ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Retold Via Hilarious Tweets
Bachelor In Paradise is back, baby! Come for the drama, stay for the triggering breakup speech from Ciarran that reminded me of every guy who dumped me in my twenties.
Don’t worry! I’m fine! I’m thriving now! (Despite the fact I’m currently in Melbourne lockdown and haven’t left my bed in two weeks.) Anyways enough about me and my nonexistent love life, let’s discuss those sexy singles in Fiji, hey?
Tonight Kiki arrived in paradise just in time, like literally, everyone was just speaking about her coming on the show — then she’s here! Something about the timing seems fishy to me. Has someone infiltrated paradise? Is there a mole? Is one of the Cleanskins a double-agent for Osher? I’m deeply suspicious.
Kiki’s arrival meant that Ciarran dropped Jess, which then led to Jess going for Alex, who had recently started speaking to Keira — proving that paradise really is the most incestuous dating environment of all time.
Let’s try to dissect the whole mess via funny tweets, shall we?
Tonight’s Bachelor In Paradise retold via hilarious tweets:
Kiki arrives in paradise and straight away chooses Ciarran for a date.
“Everyone knows a lot about Kiki before she’s entered paradise”
Me right now: #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/BPfeituk2O
— Get Ur Mask On (@IraSnave) July 27, 2020
Ciarran: “Kiki do you love?”#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/vgnCtv5UDn
— ????? ???????? (@DylanMatthews91) July 27, 2020
Me watching every interaction Ciarran has with any woman and the crew#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/eLALHCp9c9
— Allison 'Defund The Police' (@infiniteallien) July 27, 2020
Running out of space…#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/EM5NBRKlBZ
— Adele K. Thomas ?⚽️? Illustrator of stuff. (@AdeleKThomas) July 27, 2020
Rumours are swirling back in the villa that Ciarran and Kiki banged three days before the show. However, Jess still reckons that she can trust him.
Jess girl you’ve been played ?? #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/3oQtbVOq6h
— alysha (@intosneedy) July 27, 2020
Jess saying it takes Ciarran a while to “open up”
He’s hooked up with THREE people already?! #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/0gOjdqRKgY
— Get Ur Mask On (@IraSnave) July 27, 2020
Fresh from her fight with Alisha the night before, Keira’s new target is Alex. She laughs at everything he says and follows him around for the day.
“Alex and I have naturally come together”
Keira to Alex#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/wuwZONQCNW
— charlotte borland ? (@charborland__) July 27, 2020
Keira and Alex's story in a gif…
#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/xNHY4QScJq— Pammy Tall (@91Tall) July 27, 2020
Kiera’s turning into a stage five clinger.. wonder where she learnt that from#bachelorinparadiseau pic.twitter.com/cgcyStIWDd
— giorgio (@gee__tee) July 27, 2020
Timm whisks Britt away for a spontaneous date and drops some big news on her: he has to leave paradise. But it’s all good as he’s coming back.
Jamie following Timm out of paradise. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/6z3VFIHX1L
— Get Ur Mask On (@IraSnave) July 27, 2020
jamie getting in timm’s suitcase #bachelorinparadiseau pic.twitter.com/xIfdv70V8f
— 잘자 우리 종현아. / 사랑하자 ♡ (@jackcallahans) July 27, 2020
Ciarran gets back from his date with Kiki and drops Jess in one of the most savage dumpings of all time.
Experts have just revealed they have discovered a new snake. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/CIXqag2e5r
— Arianne Rich (@ariannerrich) July 27, 2020
Abbie sitting at home relived that she doesn’t have to deal with this Ciarran bullshit #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/uWyRcXRP8w
— Amy Watts (@amywattsss) July 27, 2020
Me seeing Ciarran at the start of the season vs me seeing Ciarran now #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/JHVjyZtJqH
— Jenna Guillaume⁷ (@JennaGuillaume) July 27, 2020
me rushing to delete all my previous tweets abt how i loved ciarran and he was the love of my life
#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/tJK1Bzfj75
— geeta. ✨ (@bored_ignored) July 27, 2020
Conor and Jess get date cards. He asks Mary and fresh from her Ciarran breakup, Jess picks Alex to the frustration of Keira.
Alex realising this date means he can get away from Keira #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/FWH5X1eujZ
— jumbo?? (@sianvaladian) July 27, 2020
i feel so bad for Jess, go have your fun date girly, you deserve it! #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/UCe1n7C2eI
— alysha (@intosneedy) July 27, 2020
Mary finally got a date and it’s going well #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/r71U4hnuRd
— Nathan Brown (@nathanbrown90) July 27, 2020
Alex expects Keira to blow up when he returns from his date with Jess but she’s super chill.
If Alex picks Keira
#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/QYPp88CCSd
— J O D E S ? (@jodes888) July 27, 2020
Not sorry for this one lmao #bachelorinparadiseau pic.twitter.com/P4eUwWjwkI
— Bec ?️? (@becasammut) July 27, 2020
It’s rose ceremony time! Sadly, because Alex picked Keira that meant Jess was left roseless, as was Helena. Two queens gone too soon.
Producers: pick Keira
Alex: but I like Jess
Producers : just read your contract
Alex: ok Keira it is #BachelorInParadiseAU— Umami (@requiteddreamer) July 27, 2020
me, taking back any respect that i had for Alex #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/sFPFgsFW7e
— alysha (@intosneedy) July 27, 2020
Anyway men are cancelled. #BachelorInParadiseAU
— jumbo?? (@sianvaladian) July 27, 2020
Let’s just be thankful that Brittney is still in paradise.
Brittney demonstrates how 2020 is going #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/A1ogdEN5wX
— Kris (@aminutewithkris) July 27, 2020