bachelor in paradise tweets

Tonight’s ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Retold Via Hilarious Tweets

Tell us you love Punkee without telling us you love Punkee. Sign up to our newsletter, and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. It'll mean the world.

Bachelor In Paradise is back, baby! Come for the drama, stay for the triggering breakup speech from Ciarran that reminded me of every guy who dumped me in my twenties.

Don’t worry! I’m fine! I’m thriving now! (Despite the fact I’m currently in Melbourne lockdown and haven’t left my bed in two weeks.) Anyways enough about me and my nonexistent love life, let’s discuss those sexy singles in Fiji, hey?

Tonight Kiki arrived in paradise just in time, like literally, everyone was just speaking about her coming on the show — then she’s here! Something about the timing seems fishy to me. Has someone infiltrated paradise? Is there a mole? Is one of the Cleanskins a double-agent for Osher? I’m deeply suspicious.

Kiki’s arrival meant that Ciarran dropped Jess, which then led to Jess going for Alex, who had recently started speaking to Keira — proving that paradise really is the most incestuous dating environment of all time.

Let’s try to dissect the whole mess via funny tweets, shall we?

Tonight’s Bachelor In Paradise retold via hilarious tweets:

Kiki arrives in paradise and straight away chooses Ciarran for a date.

Rumours are swirling back in the villa that Ciarran and Kiki banged three days before the show. However, Jess still reckons that she can trust him.

Fresh from her fight with Alisha the night before, Keira’s new target is Alex. She laughs at everything he says and follows him around for the day.

Timm whisks Britt away for a spontaneous date and drops some big news on her: he has to leave paradise. But it’s all good as he’s coming back.

Ciarran gets back from his date with Kiki and drops Jess in one of the most savage dumpings of all time.

Conor and Jess get date cards. He asks Mary and fresh from her Ciarran breakup, Jess picks Alex to the frustration of Keira.

Alex expects Keira to blow up when he returns from his date with Jess but she’s super chill.

It’s rose ceremony time! Sadly, because Alex picked Keira that meant Jess was left roseless, as was Helena. Two queens gone too soon.

Let’s just be thankful that Brittney is still in paradise.