The Definitive Ranking Of Ice Creams & Icy Poles In Australia
As we’ve all experienced by now, Australia is heating up which means one thing: it’s time to peel back your favourite ice cream or icy pole to cool down.
But what kind of frozen treat reigns supreme? We’re about to find out! For the purpose of our ranking, we are talking about ice creams/icy poles on sticks, in sandwiches or in cones — none of this fancy tub nonsense. Just the kind you buy at your local servo.
We are also only listing ones that are currently available, lest we forget Milo Scoop Shake or dare I even mention…the Sunny Boy. RIP.
Let’s do this!
The Best Ice Creams And Icy Poles In Australia, Ranked:
#17. Lemonade Icy Pole
Wtaf is this trash? If I wanted to freeze a bitter can of lemonade I…well, I would never freeze a bitter can of lemonade.
#16. Eskimo Pie
This just sucks. It is the most basic of ice creams. It’s just plain vanilla ice cream encased in some thin ass chocolate. Not even a stick to make eating it manageable?! I laugh at the eskimo pie! What a joke of an ice cream. An embarrassment to us all.
#15. Bubble O’Bill
I really don’t care about the nostalgia this ice cream brings forth. I don’t like this guy. While some may stan Bill, I personally CAN’T STAND BILL. First of all, he never looks like he does on the packaging. Exhibit A:
Second of all, Bill looks so sad! He clearly knows he’s only being picked up by preschoolers who will soon grow up and realise nobody wants to be chewing on bubble gum while eating ice cream. It makes zero sense and I think deep down Bill knows it too.
#14. Vanilla Cornetto
Vanilla AND chocolate? Groundbreaking. This is the flavour your dad orders and you make fun of him for. And you should. No self-respecting person would choose this boring asf ice cream.
#13. Chocolate Paddle Pop
I love me a Paddle Pop but the choccy flavour is by far the most beige. Yeah, it tastes like chocolate but it’s just super basic. I suspect even the Paddle Lion thinks it’s a bit shit.
#12. Peters Lifesavers
Not only is the flavour pretty meh, this icy pole will forever give me flashbacks to high school and feeling very uncomfortable eating this cylindrical-shaped icy pole around boys.
#11. Cyclone Paddle Pop
This is slightly more flavourful than the Lifesavers one but it still feel rather phallic.
#10. Magnum Original
I just can’t help but overlook the basic Magnum when there’s so many more exciting varieties out there. It’s fine but I dare to dream bigger.
#9. Lemon Calippo
Now, we’re cooking! A Calippo is just peak Straya summer for you: it’s refreshing, maybe a little tart, but it quenches any thirst.
#8. Banana Paddle Pop
THIS is a throwback. I haven’t had one of these bad bois in years. I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to buy one but if it fell into my mouth, I wouldn’t spit it out.
#7. Choc Mint Drumstick
Out of all the Drumstick flavours, I have a special place in my heart for choc mint. I would not kick this ice cream out of bed. No, sir.
#6. Weis’ Mango and Ice Cream Bar
We’ve now reached the ultimate level of Aussie ice creams. These are all so damn good. Weis bars are THE SHIT and because of the mango element, you can tell yourself that you’re eating healthy as you inhale five in a row.
#5. Pine Lime Splice
I would never say no to this tall glass of (pine lime flavoured) water on a summer’s day. This is the only item on this list that dared to combine an icy pole with ice cream and that level of ingenuity must be applauded. Plus, they taste so damn delish.
#4. Golden Gaytime
You can’t get more Aussie than having a gay time or eating a Golden Gaytime. This summer treat has it all: delicious caramel ice cream, smothered in choccy, all rolled in crunchy biscuit. This is a national treasure and should have its own coin.
#3. Double Caramel Magnum Ego
This is pretty much the most decadent ice cream you can buy in Australia and as someone who has a massive sweet tooth, I can inhale this motherfucker. There is some truly advanced ice cream science going on here. It has THREE layers. Chocolate, caramel, then more chocolate?! That is impressive ice cream architecture. No 21st century invention will ever compare to the Magnum Ego.
#2. Rainbow Paddle Pop
The OG. The best. Sure, it might just be caramel flavoured ice cream with food colouring added but guess what baby: CARAMEL ICE CREAM IS YUMMO. It’s just so good and I won’t hear a bad word about my beloved rainbow PP.
#1. Maxibon (Vanilla and Honeycomb)
Did you really think another ice cream would nab first place? MAXI-WRONG! (I laughed about that for about 15 minutes.)
Whether you get vanilla or honeycomb, it doesn’t really matter because the Maxibon is the perfect ice cream. Actually, it goes beyond perfect because it combines two perfect ice creams into one. I like to start off with the crunchy chocolate end and work my way to the delicious biscuit sandwich half.
There is no ice cream sold in Australia that will EVER compare. Maxibon is love, Maxibon is life.