We Can 100% Tell How You F*ck Based On Your Go-To Arnott’s Biscuit
Ever wondered what those small, subconscious decisions you make on the daily say about you as a human being on this earth?
You might think you’re doing something as innocent and harmless as picking up your favourite snack to chow down on, when it reality you’re letting that check-out person at the supermarket in on the intricate details of your life, and — more specifically — what you’re like in the sheets.
Ever wondered what your go-to Arnott’s biscuit says about how you fuck? I mean, almost certainly not, but we’re gonna tell you anyway.
Disclaimer: not every biscuit made the cut.
Tim Tams
You’re reliable and there are no surprises. People know what they’re gonna get with you and you never disappoint. In fact, you’re marriage material. Massive BDE. Everyone wants to get Tim Tam SLAMMED.
Most likely to: make us want to come back for seconds and be into watersports.
Mint Slice
Can only get in the mood if re-runs of The Big Bang Theory are playing in the background. Lasts between 25 and 35 seconds and can only finish when Sheldon says “Bazinga!”
Most likely to: fall asleep during sex.
Tiny Teddy
You’re a pocket rocket — a super intense bundle of energy. Though partners have found this intimidating at times, you’re really good in bed and never disappoint. You also have a sadistic side deep down that you should explore more. Let your freak flag fly, bb! Be safe though.
Most likely to: tie you up and beat the shit out of you.
Wagon Wheel
Your favourite position is reverse cowgirl and you have a foot fetish. Loves to do it outdoors.
Most likely to: steal your shoes when they leave the next morning.
Kingston Biscuit
Gives hand jobs or does anal — there’s no in-between.
Most likely to: break your heart and leave you on read.
Lemon Crisp
You’re very to the point, no fucking around. You didn’t come here (the bedroom) to make friends, you came to win (finish first). You’re a really bad person, but have a manipulative charm about you.
Most likely to: ask you to leave immediately after.
Monte Carlo
Talks an ENORMOUS game but can never actually follow through. You’re not a shower, nor are you a grower. You do however have a super charming personality. It’s all a front though because deep down you’re a total fuckboy.
Most likely to: scream their own name during sex.
Orange Slice
You’re a virgin who doesn’t have genitals. You’re a human Ken/ Barbie doll and honestly, I don’t trust you.
Most likely to: hit you with their car and ask, “is this sex?”
Gingernut
Either can’t get it up (too soft) or are VERY MUCH raring to go (hard AF) with very little in between. That NUT tho, amirite?
Most likely to: have a fetish for redheads.
Scotch Finger
You aren’t a prude, but tend to avoid going all the way, and that’s fine! You get off on pleasuring your partner before yourself and honestly, we STAN. You’re pretty vanilla when it comes to exploring your sexual boundaries but aren’t scared to get your hands dirty.
Most likely to: have really good grip strength.
Iced VoVo
You’re an absolute fucking freak in the sheets, and nothing is off boundaries for you, you dirty, dirty animal! You’re not afraid to enlist the help in forms of props, toys, and other humans.
Most likely to: organise and execute an 80-person gang bang on a Tuesday night.
Honey Jumbles
You are still very much figuring out what you like, in terms of sexual positions and partners, so don’t be afraid to explore your options — try all the flavours. One thing’s for sure though, you’re very much into butt stuff.
Most likely to: ask someone to choke you then instantly regret it.
Shapes
You’re a leather daddy/ dominatrix who knows exactly what the fuck they want and isn’t scared to get it. Your bedroom is kitted out with whips, chains and a sex swing. You are, however, a super respectful sexual partner.
Most likely to: blow ya mind.
Thanks for reading! Hope your biscuit of choice revealed something about you that you mightn’t have previously known. I am going to now go drown myself in Holy water. Byeeeee.