Every Cake Stall Treat Ranked From ‘It’ll Do’ To ‘Chocolate Crackles’

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“Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!”

The older you get, the more you realise that nothing in life quite measures up to the pure joy of school cake stalls. Facts are facts.

However, not all stall treats are created equal.

In fact, some are worthy of between five and 10 Michelin stars, while others are nothing but filler treats. If it can’t even coax you into giving up a gold coin for charity, then get it off the table and stick to the winners.

We’ve ranked every school cake stall treat from the delicious to the duds inevitably left on the table and just given away by pack-up time. Let’s do this.

#1. Chocolate Crackles

 

Chocolate Crackles are the king of any spread. You put them out and they will be devoured – it’s science. They’ve got good crunch and they’re not so sweet that you get the feeling you should stop eating them. Like, ever. They are the truly perfect Coco Pops creation.

If you really care about the cake stall bringing in the do$h, go heavy on the choccie crackles.


#2. Brownies

I’m not ashamed to admit that homemade chocolate brownies are my kryptonite. I know I’m not alone because I’ve never seen a brownie left on the table in all my years as a cake-stall enthusiast.

The only condition to brownies achieving the number-two spot is that they MUST be moist-to-gooey in the centre. Get your dry brownies out of my face.


#3. Lamingtons

Soft, fluffy, and quintessentially Australian, a good lamington rounds out the holy trinity of cake-stall treats.


#4. Cookies

Image: Jennifer Pallian / Unsplash

I’m going to assume these are chocolate chip and chewy. There should be a quality control test that bans anyone from bringing dry cookies to the table.


#5. Marshmallow Treats

Marshmallow Treats are crunchy, chewy squares of heaven and they are one of the most underrated treats of the cake stall. They’re the under-the-radar crowd-pleaser that get snatched up real quick.


#6. Caramel Slice

Caramel slice has the power to give you a sugar high so extreme that the rest of the day goes by in a hyper-energetic blur. I’m sure teachers love it when parents contribute caramel slice to the cake stall, because kids with 99.99% blood sugar levels are infamously easy to deal with!


#7. Cupcakes

Image: Brooke Lark / Unsplash

Vanilla, chocolate, red velvet – long as it’s slathered with icing and some sprinkles, it has a place in the cake stall hierarchy.

Except, under no circumstances should you put cream cheese icing on some carrot cake and tell a child it is a cupcake. It is a vegetable.


#8. Honey Joys

Honey Joys are like the appetiser of the stall spread. Made with crunchy Cornflakes, they rarely even cost a full gold coin and you can have a few of them and still have room to work your way through whatever else is on offer.


#9. Rocky Road

It’s almost always delicious, but you never really know what you’re going to find when you bite into rocky road, and that’s just about the most uncertainty I can handle in my life.


#10. ANZAC Biscuits

Let us get all patriotic for a sec and say that ANZAC biscuits are one of the most consistently one of the most delicious cake-stall goodies.


#11. Meringue

Image: photoAC / Pixabay

There are always some hardcore meringue-lovers in the crowd, and they must be catered to or else they will revolt. Luckily, meringue is generally pretty solid, especially when it’s shaped like snakes and has Smarties for eyes.


#12. Supermarket Chocolate Mud Cake

You know the one. Nothing new or exciting here and very messy to divide up, but 10 points to the parents who recognised it’s a crowd-pleaser early on and as such refused to get into the kitchen.


#13. Fudge

Stop trying to make fudge happen. It’s not going to happen.


#14. Muffins

Image: Ludwig Schreier / Unsplash

In any other context, muffins are great. But this is not the time or place for sweet breakfast foods. Put some icing on it and then maybe we’re talking.


#15. ~Healthy Muffins~

Anyone showing up with “healthy” muffins has severely missed the brief. Please take your imposter muffins and be on your way, Gwyneth.


#16. Banana Bread

We literally have this in the canteen. Try again, sweetie.

“Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!”