Every Type Of Karen Who Will Probably Ask To Speak To The Manager

It’s a known fact that Australia is known to harbour some of the deadliest species in the world.

We’ve got the Taipan snake, who can kill several humans with just one bite, the box jellyfish, who can induce cardiovascular arrest almost instantly, and lastly, the deadliest of them all, the Karen, who will ask to speak to your manager.

The Karen is shop-turnal, meaning that she only comes out during the trade hours. She often frequents in retail stores, prying on the flesh of innocent sales assistants. She is most alive during the Christmas period and is constantly known to lose her receipts, pull off the tags, and not wash her clothes properly.

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The Karen disguises herself in many forms, but she usually always has a short bob with highlights. To ensure awareness, we’ve compiled a list of all the different types of “Can I speak to the manager Karens”, so you can be prepared when she comes in during the Christmas period.

Stay safe out there guys.

Here are the 8 Types Of “Can I Speak To The Manager Karens”

1. The Karen who lost her receipt

For some reason, this Karen thinks that a receipt is like a paper towel where you can just throw it away with no consequences. Karen if you do not have the receipt then there is literally NOTHING that I can do for you. And no, showing me your bank statement does not suffice!

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This Karen gets hella worked up, and will say things like “but the tags are attached and it’s unworn?!”. KAREN, I literally don’t know WHERE you bought this or WHAT you paid for it. For all I know you literally just found it at the front of the store five minutes ago and brought it to the counter! Leave Karen, and don’t come back without a receipt.

2. The Karen who shops on weekdays wearing workout clothes

If you work weekdays, you KNOW this type of Karen. And if you work at Lorna Jane, this is your entire customer base.

F45 Karen doesn’t go to the gym, she just pays for it. While her husband is at work, she spends her time mindlessly browsing the racks of the stores and clinging to any sales assistant who dares to converse with her.

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This Karen is either pushing a pram, holding a vanilla latte, or ‘on her way to the gym’. She’s always dressed head to toe in Nike free runs, black leggings, and a magenta high-performance jacket with no plans to go to attend the hot yoga class that she has booked in. She can often be found arguing with staff about the temperature, the lack of XS t-shirts, or how her credit card should NOT be declining.

3. The Karen who complains about the music

Clearly this type of Karen has never listened to hip hop in her life because she loves to complain about how ‘filthy’ and ‘disgusting’ the music is. Does Karen not know that Tyga’s ‘Rack City’ is more than just a song, it’s a movement? We get that we aren’t exactly playing Mozart, but we’re here all day and we need good music to keep us alive.

If she’s not complaining about the swearing, she’s complaining about the volume. “It’s so loud in here, I can’t shop!”. WELL THEN LEAVE, KAREN.

4. The Karen who conveniently notices a defect and asks for a discount

Hmm, you’re telling me that this white top that you just tried on is now covered in make-up, and you think you deserve an extra 10%? Hun, I’ve just shade-matched that, and it links up straight to your neckline. Pipe down.

This Karen will always point out the most random issues with the garment; faulty zipper, loose threading, small mark on the seam, and yet for some reason when you go and find her a new one from the back, she looks real disappointed?! I know you, Karen.

 5. The Karen who leaves Google reviews

It’s one thing to ask to speak to the manager, but it’s a whole other thing to leave a review.

Seriously Kaz, WHERE DO YOU FIND THE TIME? You claim you’re sooo busy which is why you can’t go back home and look for the tags you conveniently left off the garment you’re trying to return, and yet you have plenty of time to log onto Gmail and type about how you had the ‘worst service I’ve ever had in my life’.

When will Karens learn that their Google reviews mean nothing??? It doesn’t affect my pay, it doesn’t affect the sales, it literally does nothing. Once people click into your profile and see that the other 188 reviews that you’ve left also somehow featured the worst service you’ve ever had in your life, your credibility will continue to gurgle down the drain.

6. The Karen who doesn’t know how to wash clothes properly, and then makes it your problem

No way! Karen STOP?! You’re telling me that you washed this top in warm water on a high cycle, and it FADED?!!!! What kind of anarchy!!!

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This Karen is always either washing her clothes real bad or bringing back her kids’ crappy stuff because she is determined that she’ll get a replacement. She will bring a top that’s fully faded, torn apart and blotchy, and claim that she ‘followed the washing instructions to a tea’.

7. The Karen whose husband is a lawyer

This type of Karen always wants to return something OUTSIDE of the returns policy. When you kindly explain to her something like, “Sorry Ma’am, we only exchange”, she always hits you with “THAT’S ILLEGAL, MY HUSBAND IS A LAWYER AND I KNOW MY RIGHTS.”

Woah.

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Karen, I can assure you that this multi-million-dollar retail store is not operating with an illegal returns policy. If we were, we would’ve been shut down 99 years ago.

Karen always loves to bring up big words that she doesn’t fully understand like ‘fair trade’ and ‘Ombudsman’. Someone please tell her that fair trade do not cover change of mind? 

8. The Karen who tries to bargain

I don’t know where Karen normally shops, but someone needs to tell her that the price is the price.

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Srsly, I know I’m cute or whutuva, but do I look like the CEO? How am I meant to give you a better deal, when I can’t even get a microwave in the team room to heat up my sandwich?! Just pay the price and stop asking me for discounts! I honestly don’t care that you “shop with us so often”, it’s not my company, I literally just work here.