An Investigation Into Whether You Can Truly Stay Friends With An Ex

“I don’t think we can see each other anymore, but I hope we can still be friends!”

This is a conversation that you’ve no doubt instigated or been on the receiving end of at least once in your lifetime. Breakups suck a big bag of dicks and can leave you feeling so blindsided, betrayed, angry, and all the other salty emotions.

Your ex suggesting you two be friends can feel impossible, or like an enormous spit in the face — not fun.

Obviously, this all depends on circumstance: how long the two of you were dating, the seriousness of the breakup, why you broke up, how the breakup went down, etc. etc.

But for the sake of our investigation, we’re chatted to people with all kinds of exes.The ones who are pro staying mates, the ones who are completely against it, and the ones that sit somewhere in-between, to answer the age-old question:

Can you stay friends with an ex?

I chatted to some friends IRL and on Twitter who, for the sake of this article, are going to stay anonymous.

Yes, You Can Stay Friends

“I reckon our need to throw away exes is because we still think of relationships that end as failures, rather than accept that they served a purpose and time,” says an anon source, hereby known as J.

This is an idea we can totally get behind. Relationships (good or bad) do serve a purpose at the time, and whether you live to regret spending time with that person or look back on it fondly, one thing you can almost certainly take away from the relationship is experiencing some personal growth.

J adds, “to be able to still care and support someone after you’ve broken up is a wonderful thing (unless they were awful, of course): plenty of my exes are my good friends, and I’ve gained more out of our friendships. I’d hate to think of what I would have missed if I’d completely cut them out while recovering.”

J raises a good point, but it’s totally dependent on circumstance (whether they’re awful or not). Caring for someone after you’ve broken up is fine and good, but only if it isn’t at your own emotional expense — don’t keep hanging out if it makes you sad, basically.

No! Block The Bitch

K has, um, very strong feelings about staying friends with an ex.

“I do not believe in being friends with exes — they’re dead to me. BLOCK 👏 THEM 👏”

It Depends…

We reckon it totally depends on circumstance, and T also seems to think so.

“I always used to think I’d like to remain friends with my exes, but the older I get the less likely I think it can work out. I believe you can remain amicable but eventually for you to both move on and live healthy lives, remaining close friends could be damaging.”

“Ultimately, I think it depends on how long you dated for and the circumstances surrounding your breakup as well. If you just fell out of love and realised you had settled into being friends, then it’s more likely things can remain fairly civil and friendly.”

“If the breakup was dramatic and hurtful (e.g. someone cheated) then there’s no reason for that person to remain in your life.”

So Can You Stay Friends With An Ex?

The jury is still out, folks. But the most important thing is to do what makes you happy and keep honest about your feelings.