Everything You Need To Know About Consent On Dating Apps
Got more questions about sex, dating and relationships? Check out The Line on IG @theline_au, Snapchat @theline_au or TikTok @theline_au.
Meeting people to forge friendly, romantic, or sexy connections in 2023 is just an app away at any given time.
Whether you’re bumblin’ through Bumble, swiping to your heart’s content on Tinder, gifting out some roses on Hinge, or exploring a sex-positive environment on Feeld, there are a plethora of apps designed to help anyone and everyone forge connections that range from romantic, sexual, platonic, and anything in-between.
The online swipe surge
In 2022 alone, Statistica.com reported there were over 366 million dating app users, and by 2027, it’s predicted there will be 440 million people seeking love and connection online. That’s a lot of swiping! A lot of matches!
With apps becoming increasingly popular, as well as the new social norm when it comes to dating, online safety has never been more important. Catfishing? Very 2012. Unwanted sexual advances? Bye Felicia! Unsolicited dick or tit pics? Instant unmatch and report. Go straight to creep jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Say it loud, and say it proud: Consent is sexy
Everyone you meet on the apps will have different needs and boundaries – dating is not one size fits all. This is why communication is key when getting to know your matches and why consent should always come first and foremost.
What do we mean by consent in the modern digital dating age? It’s pretty easy, actually – it’s all about getting permission from someone in regards to an intimate activity.
Whether it’s flirty banter or sending a pic or video, it’s vital to make sure the person you’re communicating with is on the same page and open to exploring a more intimate connection. In online dating, you need to be respecting someone’s boundaries and they need to be respecting yours. Consent can be given and withdrawn, and isn’t just limited to sexual or romantic activity.
We know consent is important but how do you navigate it in the online minefield where people can be hiding behind an unknown identity or send you something at any given time?
The apps themselves are now putting policies and procedures in place — it’s easier to report suspicious profiles or block someone who’s harassing you. But the most important thing is that dating app users shouldn’t have to get to that stage – there are some rules all dating app users can follow to ensure they’re respectful, not violating someone’s boundaries, and keeping consent at the forefront of any interaction.
So, without further ado, let’s chat rules: Dating apps dos and don’ts for the 2020s.
Do: Communicate clearly and consistently
Just like IRL interactions, feelings and moods can change and that’s OK. You don’t owe anyone anything, just like they don’t owe you. Communicate with your matches just like you would a friend. And if things get spicy, ask for digital consent before starting anything more intimate including photo exchanges or sexts. Not sure how? It’s pretty easy – be straightforward but respectful. For example, if the banter has gotten flirtatious, express how you’re feeling and ask a question by saying something like, “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed our chat and would like to take this to the next level. Would you want to sext?”
Do: Regular check-ins
Like we said above, moods and feelings can change. Just because you got digital consent once, doesn’t mean you have it every single time. If you’re wanting to get more intimate or have gotten intimate before, remember to check in to make sure both parties are still keen and consenting. It doesn’t have to be super formal! Just casual and to the point, e.g. “Last night was fun… do you want to do it again?”
Via Getty.
Do: Respect boundaries and ask questions
Like most intimate experiences, things are so much better when you’re clear with your communication, respect the other person’s boundaries, and ask questions to see what they like and if they’re enjoying themselves. There’s nothing sexier than wanting to make sure everyone involved is enjoying themselves.
If someone says they’re not super into sending nudes, but like a dirty text, lean into the part they’re into and don’t pressure them to partake in activities they aren’t comfortable with. Which leads us to…
Don’t: Send pics/videos without asking first
Never ever EVER send an unsolicited nude/dick pick/whatever it may be. Never! It’s a complete violation of someone else’s boundaries. Let’s be real, no one has ever opened their phone to a surprise dick pic and thought “oh yeah, I really want to go meet up with that person right now.”
Don’t: Go low when someone says no
Rejection can suck, but it’s a part of life. There are so many reasons why someone might not want to take it further – and many may have nothing to do with you. If you’ve been rejected on the apps, don’t badger the person and demand to know why, track them down in any way, or do any form of DM sliding or aggressive/persistent messaging.
Likewise, if they’ve rejected an offer to get more intimate online or IRL, accept it graciously and respect their wants and needs. They’ve said no, and it’s not about your ego. There’s no need to be rude, insult your match, or make them feel guilty.
Via Getty.
Don’t: Accept consent when someone is inebriated
Again, just like in IRL situations, consent cannot be given if the person is under the influence. So, if you’re wanting some digital intimacy but the other person isn’t sober, put a pin in it and save it for another time. It’ll be so much better when you’re both in the right headspace.
Finally…
Digital dating is just like the real thing – you’ve gotta respect people and their boundaries. Most people wouldn’t make unwanted sexual comments or innuendos to someone in real life, so there’s no reason to do it over text. And if someone’s doing it to you online, it’s not OK.
Never feel afraid or guilty for unmatching or blocking anyone who isn’t respecting your boundaries or who has made you feel uncomfortable.
Really, when it comes to dating it can be broken down into 5 C’s: you want Connection, you want Communication, you want Chemistry, you want Compatibility and most of all, you want Consent.
Stay safe out there friends, treat your matches well, and remember consent can be given and withdrawn at any time.
–
Got more questions about sex, dating and relationships?
Check out The Line on Instagram, Snapchat or TikTok.
Header image via Getty.