I Rewatched ‘Crossroads’ As An Adult & Have Never Been More Confused

There was a period in the early ’00s when every pop star had their own movie, so I decided it was time to revisit the ultimate pop singer feature film. I am of course talking about Crossroads.

If you haven’t thought about this film in over a decade then, gurl, same. I haven’t seen it since I was a teenager. The movie starred Guardian’s of the Galaxy’s Zoe Saldana and Orange Is The New Black’s Taryn Manning, alongside Britney Spears in her first and last movie role.

The story is pretty basic: three childhood friends reconnect and go on a road trip together. But there’s a lot going on under the surface and tbh, watching it as an adult I found it all rather confusing.

Let’s get into it!

Here’s my summary of Crossroads, a movie I haven’t watched since it came out in 2002!

We begin in Georgia, with three kids burying a time capsule together — it’s obvious they eventually grow up to be Lucy (Britney), Mimi (Taryn) and Kit (Zoe). “We put our dreams in a box and we buried it,” Lucy says, which is a weird coincidence because that’s the line I used to break up with my last boyfriend.

The girls say they wish they’d be best friends forever before we skip years ahead to the end of high school and PLOT TWIST: they were not friends forever. Instead, over the years they’ve grown to hate one another.

More importantly, we open to Britney dancing in her underwear to Madonna for no discernible reason other than because she looks banging. She is the ‘yee’ to my ‘haw’.

At graduation we learn that Lucy wants to study music but her dad (Dan Aykroyd wtaf?!) is making her study medicine. I guess those two subjects overlap because yeah, they definitely don’t.

Despite being chosen as valedictorian, Lucy is feeling glum after graduation. She realises that during all her years of high school she never went to a football game or went to any parties.

She is only realising this now…?

After some kind of dance/prom thing (I don’t get American stuff?!) Justin Long appears and does the most Justin Long thing of all time: he has the audacity to think he has a chance to bang Britney Spears. For some reason Lucy gets undressed but makes it a big presentation.

Why don’t they just awkwardly unbutton each other clothes like normal people? You know, before stumbling over when their jeans get caught around their ankles?!

They get in bed, Lucy makes Justin Long convince her why they should have sex. In response he basically tries to emotionally blackmail her into it. “I’m begging you, please! Let’s just do it!” he wails.

THIS. IS. NOT. ENTHUSIASTIC. CONSENT.

Lucy laughs in his face. It’s great. No sex is had. We later learn Mimi is pregnant after some random dude comes up to her and asks the very normal question “How’s the foetus?”, and she replies “Drop dead!”. Damn straight! But wait…did Mimi kill him???

In the next scene, without any actual messaging or coordination, all three ex-friends show up together.

Lucy says “Let’s just get this over with, okay?” which is definitely something said when digging up a childhood time capsule and not burying a body… only it isn’t.

After digging up…the time capsule (Phew! That was close!) we discover Lucy’s wish was to find her mum, Kit’s wish was to get married (Dream big!) and Mimi’s was to put her feet in the Pacific Ocean.

Mimi tells the two girls that she is going to California “to audition for a record company” which is something that happens, apparently. She invites the others to come but they nope it.

At Lucy’s place, she and her dad argue. It goes like this:

Lucy: “Dad, I would like to meet my mother.

Dad: Now, sweet daughter Lucy, you DO NOT need to worry about her.

Lucy: I want to meet her.

Dad: You are too pretty to worry about such things, sweet child of mine.

Lucy: Tell me her name.

Dad: Such a fun chat! Glad we agree.” 

This leads to Lucy sneaking out in the night. Maybe you should LISTEN to what your daughter is saying, daddio. She leaves him a touching letter, bidding him farewell.

The three ex-besties all arrive at a car (Who organised this? Who picked a time? Location?) and meet their driver guy, Ben, who happens to be a slamming thottie.

I can’t focus on anything, however, as Lucy is wearing this hat with this shirt and it hurts my eyes and my brain and my heart.

Ben immediately has a crush on Lucy which he shows by letting her listen to NSYNC. Eww! Girly music! Gross! “Put on Limp Bizkit! Fuck yeah!” Ben probably mutters. I don’t actually know what men listen to, I haven’t met one yet.

Britney sings along OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD to the radio. Don’t you hate this? Like when you’re in the car with mates and Destiny Child’s ‘Bootylicious’ comes on, there is always one person who reckons they’re Beyoncé and sings at a louder volume than the rest of us. I’m trying to harmonise, Rebecca!!!

Anyways, Ben stops cos he’s tired but won’t let anyone else drive. He wants them to sleep in…a random field. The ladies want to go to a motel but realise they have no money while Ben flaunts his wealth eating an extravagant meal in front of them.

This is the first of many clues that Ben is trash.

They check into a motel and Kit announces “I’M NOT SLEEPING HERE!”, precisely before sleeping there. Now things get interesting when Kit tells Mimi and Lucy that Ben killed someone once. Mimi isn’t sure either way and is alarmingly unfazed.

Armed with this news, Lucy refuses to ride up front with Ben…but like, still stays in the car and continues the trip with someone she thinks is A MURDERER.

As Ben drives, the song ‘Here Is Something You Can’t Understand’ by Cypress Hill plays with lyrics that blast “Here is something you can’t understand, how I could just kill a man!” because this movie has both subtlety AND nuance.

The car breaks down and Lucy shows she knows how to fix things by working out that the car needs to be repaired. Ben is SHOOK. A woman..?! Useful…?! Knows what a car is?! What a concept.

Kit is generally being THE WORST. She tells Mimi “it’s not my fault everyone thinks you’re trailer trash,” before trying to punch her… you know, the pregnant teenager. Lucy then yells at Mimi and blames her for everything. Umm, their car broke down. How is this Mimi’s fault?

Crossroads characters who deserved better:

Mimi convinces the other two girls to enter a karaoke competition to make some money. The plan is for Mimi to sing lead vocals, with the other two backing her up.

Then the magic of cinema tells us that somehow Lucy’s outfit can transform from a hideous white shirt into a tiny black tank top thanks to Kit’s makeup bag. I suspect she’s a wizard.

Anyways, Kit is too nervous to sing so Lucy takes over. She sings the SEXY SONG. It is SEXY. Ben likes it! They play the full song even though an edited version would have sufficed, tbh.

After the performance, some creepy guy tries to assault Lucy before Ben punches him. But afterwards back at the hotel, just when the ‘murderer guy seems nice’, he then turns to Lucy and says “I’m not mad at you for what happened back there.” UMM WAT. She was assaulted, you actual piece of trash.

He then storms off in a huff and disappears for ummm… the entire night. This guy is such a charmer. I’m deleting Tinder, I will never meet a man better than Ben! This is real love.

At the expensive hotel the girls talk all night and Mimi tells Kit and Lucy that she was raped and plans to give her baby up for adoption when it’s born. The next day the three girls are now BFFs again. They find Ben sleeping in his car and drive off. They don’t need permission from no man.

Sidenote: Did you know Britney Spears and Crossroads created Shania Twain?

Eventually Ben wakes up and demands the women stop the car. He then walks off into the desert and kicks the soil, marching through the dust and yelling at the nearby greenery. U OK, M8?

“I’ve been in a car full of chicks for days. Do you have any idea what that’s like?” he tells Lucy, a chick herself. Ugh.

THIS GUY IS THE WORST. THROW HIM IN THE SEA.

After getting back into the car with Ben, they decide to ask if he was a murderer and it turns out he, in fact, is not a murderer. Yay. They decide to camp in the desert and Ben has a harmonica for no reason other than that they are camping and it feels like a prerequisite.

Lucy reads Ben her poem…it is the lyrics ‘I’m Not a Girl’. They head to Lucy’s mum’s house and oh shit… IT’S SAMANTHA JONES. It’s time for a cocktail!

Sadly, Lucy doesn’t get the response she expected…

The mum is not vibing that her long-lost daughter just showed up without warning (an email/ fax would have been good?!) and she awkwardly asks “Can I ask you why you’re here, Lucy?” BITCH, SHE’S YOUR DAUGHTER.

It ends badly and Lucy returns to her friends rain-soaked and crying. “She said that she never wanted me…that I was just a mistake,” Lucy tells Ben. Classic Sammy J! She just can’t commit! Gotta love her.

To cheer her up, Ben shows Lucy that he’s turned her poem into a song. They kiss. Ugh, he’s still awful. The gang arrive in LA and go to the beach.

Lucy is once more wearing THIS HAT. Oops, she did it again.

Back at the hotel, Ben and Lucy DO SEX. Back at home, Justin Long sheds a tear. Kit calls her fiancé but he ain’t keen to see her. She shows up unannounced and discovers he is Mimi’s rapist and as Mimi tries to run away she falls down the stairs and loses her baby.

Lucy’s dad arrives and yells at her and she tells Ben she has to go home.

Kit and Mimi try to convince Lucy to go to Mimi’s audition instead errr…is that how it works?? Can you just send anyone to meet a record company??

Ben catches up and shares some touching words, saying “Goodbye Lucy” with dead eyes. Lucy gets in the car with her dad and suddenly tells him to let her go. He does. It seemed like a pretty easy discussion.

He then watches his daughter make out with the strange man for an uncomfortably long time.

“Use a condom!” he mumbles under his breath.

Lucy does the audition, singing ‘I’m Not A Girl’ and nails it…she is Britney Spears after all. The judges nod enthusiastically. I guess that’s a win!

The movie ends with Lucy, Mimi and Kit burying another time capsule! At the beach! They reckon it’s a foolproof plan. Ummm, do they get how beaches work?

So that’s Crossroads for you. What a wild ride. I need to do it again immediately.