DAYUMMM: The ‘Baywatch’ Reviews Are Savage & Here’s The Best of The Worst
It had all the ingredients to make a modern day classic: the effortless charm of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, the pretty boy charisma of Zac Efron and his glistening abs, and a story following the loopy hi-jinks of a team of handsome lifeguards. But this year’s remake of Baywatch has been a massive let-down.
It has been savaged by critiques and the beach flick made just over $30 million in global box office sales since it opened in cinemas earlier this month. The film’s own budget was just over $90 million. Ouch!
It’s been panned across the interwebs, even as critiques see past the obligatory slow-running sequence…and yep they’re in it.
It’s a bit of surprise the film has fallen so flat, given the legacy of the TV series Baywatch. Back in its day, it was nothing short of a phenomenon, with a viewership that boasted a weekly audience at its height hitting around 1.1 billion people across 142 countries.
The marketing strategy might have failed as the people that grew up watching the series were not the target audience. Instead, the film appealed to the younger demographic that are unfamiliar with the original, therefore lacking the nostalgia-factor that’s the main drawcard.
It didn’t help matters that the film is just bad. Like absolutely terrible. Critiques have been going in on the 2017 remake, and the reviews are actually funny as hell.
Here’s a handy compilation of the most cutting and hilarious reviews below:
Variety
“Baywatch,” starring Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron, is a stupidly entertaining trash folly, the kind that could only be made today: an obscenity-and-insult-laced, aggressively “competent” adaptation of a 25-year-old TV show”
Sydney Morning Herald
“From scene to scene, it’s never quite clear whether this Baywatch is paying tribute to its model or sending it up. Even to pose the question may be giving the matter more thought than Gordon did.”
Empire
“Tonally, Baywatch veers all over the place like a drunk on a speedboat, making for one of the most lacklustre comedies of the year so far.”
The best line so far…
“The mark Baywatch should be aiming for is 21 Jump Street. Bad news: it’s ended up more like 21 Chump Street.”
News.com.au
“Starting with source material that should never have been resurrected, the Baywatch reboot is limp, boring and exactly as awful as you would expect.”
The Guardian
“There are crude, pointless set-pieces involving the inspection of a corpse’s scrotum, Efron dressing in drag, and the ogling of women’s breasts. Not even the obligatory cameos by the original cast make an impression.”
The Hollywood Reporter
“A big-screen reboot so lifeless and mechanical that even its end-credits out-takes are not amusing, Baywatch proves much less than the sum of its undeniably attractive body parts.”
The Daily Beast
“The new Baywatch movie is the cinematic equivalent of a bouncing ball sac coming at you, of course, in slow motion. The idea seems vaguely humorous and vulgarly adventurous, but in the end result is kind of off-putting and about as funny as a ball sac could really ever be. (Ball sacs feature prominently into the new feature film Baywatch!)”
Just shake it off, boys!
