20 Questions I Had While Watching ‘Diana: The Musical’ On Netflix

These days, basically anything and everything is being adapted into a musical.

And I mean anything. There’s Human Centipede: The Musical!, a Southpark musical, there’s even a musical about Slenderman. For some reason, Oscar award-winning drama Silver Linings Playbook is also currently being adapted into a Broadway musical.

The latest random musical to get its own Netflix special is Diana: The Musical, a live recording of the Broadway show based on the life of Diana, Princess of Wales.

That’s right, it’s a musical about former royal family member, Diana, who married Prince Charles, gave birth to heirs William and Harry, before divorcing Charles for his longstanding affair with Camilla Parker Bowles. Diana died in a car accident in 1997 while being chased by paparazzi — a tragedy that redefined the late-1990s and the cost of being a celebrity.

The musical itself was controversial when it debuted in San Diego before premiering on Broadway in 2020. After all, it is a musical about a famous woman being exploited that is literally exploiting the woman all over again.

The Netflix special has been mostly panned by reviewers. The music and lyrics are by Bon Jovi keyboardist David Bryan, along with American playwright Joe DiPietro.

So what is Diana: The Musical actually like? I should prefix this by saying that I am a Musical Fan. I watch musicals regularly, with soundtracks from Les Misérables, Hamilton, and Chicago on constant rotation in my home. That being said, this makes me a tough critic because I’ve seen some of the world’s greatest musicals… and Diana: The Musical sadly is not one of them.

This musical is not amazing. The story is cringeworthy at times and the songs are pretty uninspired. However, as taken as a satire — it’s actually a very funny show. The acting and performances are also genuinely great.

While watching the two-hour event, I was left with loads of questions and I demand answers.

20 questions I had while watching Diana: The Musical on Netflix.

1. Is this person supposed to be Diana?

I’m sorry but she doesn’t look like her at all.

Diana introduces herself, downplaying her intelligence, and it’s all a bit tone-deaf.

2. Diana sings about herself, “You never once stood out, hardly passed a test”. Is this a bit too savage, right?

The Queen is singing to Prince Charles about finding a wife, he suggests Diana, and she agrees.

3. Did Charles actually date Diana’s sister first? Dude, that’s cooked.

The ensemble sing about Diana’s role as Charles’ wife being “the worst job in England”. I guess the musical’s writers have never heard of working in a call centre. Camilla is already in the picture, she encourages Charles to marry Diana, and keep her as his side bitch.

4. So Charles is already dating Camilla? That’s cold. And are the writers suggesting that Camilla wants to control Diana??

Camilla is nasty to Diana, telling her condescendingly that “Charles likes clever girls”. Charles takes Diana to a stuffy concert on one of their first dates, but she doesn’t pay attention as she just wants to err… be “a rocker” and “get funkadelic!” instead.

5. Then there’s this dance scene and how can I erase this from my mind forever?

The Queen tries to convince Charles to hurry up and marry Diana, but Charles is still keen on Camilla — despite her being married already.

Diana tells Charles about her favourite romantic novelist Barbara Cartland, and then we are introduced to her… for some reason. Anyways, basically this is her way of telling Charles she wants a fairytale romance. Charles proposes.

6. How is Diana only 19 and getting proposed to by a grown-ass man who is 32?

Yuck. Maybe just go on a gap year instead, sis. After Diana and Charles’ engagement is announced, Diana starts to get followed everywhere by the press.

7. This song compiled mostly of the lyrics “snap, click!” is about as subtle as a sledgehammer, huh?

Despite being engaged, Charles whinges to Camilla about not wanting to go through with it. She tells him to marry Diana, but then they sing “it doesn’t mean devotion ends”.

8. Does this mean they will have an affair for Charles’ entire marriage? Royals are wild.

On the wedding day, Diana is having cold feet so her sister (aka Charles’ ex) tells her, “Every girl wanted him but you’re the one who nabbed him”.  Yikes. Diana decides to go through with the wedding.

9. Wait, how did she do this?? (Dark magic??)

Camilla’s husband is singing to his wife, he wants them to commit to each other now that Charles is married — but she ain’t keen. The Queen and Charles prepare Diana before her first official public outing, but against their advice she charms a group of Welsh locals by speaking to them without any royal pretence.

Charles grows jealous of all the love and adoration Diana receives from the public. Camilla comforts him but then speaks to her husband who wants them both to be monogamous to each other. Camilla dumps Charles, leaving him heartbroken — he takes out his pain on Diana.

10. Diana tells Charles she’s pregnant, he replies “it would quite helpful” if she had a boy. Is this man for real?

Women can’t choose genders like picking a KitKat from a vending machine, Charlie!

He tells Diana that he’s ended his affair with Camilla. She gives birth to William, and while he’s still a baby, Charles starts talking to Camilla on the phone and Diana catches him. Diana becomes depressed, but eventually gives birth to a second child, Harry. Charles is still having an affair with Camilla and Diana resents Charles more and more every day for it.

Drag him!!!

She smashes a mirror out of frustration, hurting her hand. Charles visits her as she recovers and commits to trying to make their marriage work. Diana says she wants to get involved in more charities and she visits a cancer treatment centre. Charles worries that she’s not acting like a typical royal, as she’s being too personable.

At the Royal Ballet Christmas Gala, Diana surprises everyone by performing on-stage with a ballet dancer, leaving Charles fuming. He says she’s desperate for attention, but she says the only person’s attention she’s trying to get is her own husband’s.

Sidenote: This is sad, but also a deeply sexist interpretation of what Diana did. This narrative suggests that women can’t do something to simply bring themselves joy or confidence, but that their actions are always motivated by getting a man’s approval. This ain’t it, chief.

11. Well if this ain’t a huge mood, right?

Amen.

12. After the ballet, Charles calls Diana a “tart” and I must ask, how can you call the mother of your kids a “tart” for simply dancing?

Despite how awful he was, Diana asks for them to start again. Why Diana?? Why?? He’s pure trash!

Charles rushes back to Camilla, they enjoy regular phones calls and sing about how she misses him most on Sundays.

13. How did the phone conversation where Charles said he wanted to be Camilla’s tampon not make the cut?

Choices!

Diana decides she will fight back through her fashion choices — she wants to mix up her outfits. In response, the Queen tells Charles that Diana is “embarrassing the throne”. Meanwhile, Charles tries to steal attention by proposing laws to save old architecture.

Novelist Barbara returns (for some reason??) to introduce James Hewitt — a horse riding instructor — who Diana meets regularly for her sons’ lessons.

14. Is this the least subtle sexual innuendo of all time?

Diana begins an affair with James, as Charles and Camilla also continue their secret romance. However, in public Diana and Charles pretend to be a happy couple. Diana still holds out hope they will make their marriage work, but Charles dismisses the idea.

Diana wants to help out the unfolding AIDS crisis, but Charles warns her that she needs to wear gloves and a mask when around people suffering the disease. She visits men infected with HIV, planning a photoshoot to try to remove the stigma and give a face to their suffering.

15. Ummm… where are the words to react to this??

Diana thinks that Charles has stopped cheating, but finds out Charles is heading to Camilla’s sister’s party, so she decides to invite herself along. Camilla is not thrilled to see Diana, they get into a confrontation, and end up fighting over Charles.

16. Seriously, why is anyone fighting over this dude?

Diana makes a scene and leaves the party with Charles. In the car home, Charles reveals that he knows about her affair and encourages it. However, later on, James tells her that their affair is over as he has to move to Germany.

Diana has nothing left to lose so she agrees to an interview with a journalist writing a book about her. While remaining anonymous, she spills all sorts of tea about the royal family and Charles’ affair with Camilla. The book is a sensation.

17. Once again, could this musical be any subtler? The nuance! The refinement!

The Queen and Charles are pissed that Diana spoke to the press. However, the Queen tells Charles that he has to mend his marriage and can’t be with Camilla. Charles does not oblige, instead he agrees to go on TV to admit to the affair.

Diana is humiliated that Charles is going to expose the affair so, after consulting with her butler, as revenge she dresses provocatively at a public event.

18. Then this happens, and I just umm???

The Queen sings she was “dressed up like a tart” and Diana sings about wearing a “feck-you dress”. The dress itself is actually rather modest, so people need to chill TF out. The Queen lectures both Charles and Diana about destroying the family’s reputation by being so indiscreet, then the Queen sings to Diana about royal responsibility.

19. OK, is the Queen’s song ‘Officer’s Wife’ is actually good, or do my ears deceive me?

The Queen eventually tells Diana that she can divorce Charles, and Diana rejects the offer to have protection services like other royals. Diana is thrilled to go back to a more normal, less restricted life. Meanwhile, Charles introduces the Queen to Camilla and they finally date openly.

Diana pursues charitable endeavours, raising millions for childhood cancer research, leprosy, landmine victims, and contributing to the AIDS crisis. Then tragically, Diana dies in a car accident while being chased by paparazzi. Diana walks off into the darkness, as paparazzi flashes surround her.

Charles, Camilla and the Queen return for a few seconds to sing this…

OK!

The musical ends.

20. Is that it??? No ‘Candle In The Wind’?? Or given Elton John would never grant permission for his song to be in this production, surely this was the time for another soppy ballad??

If this musical was waiting for its ‘Empty Chairs at Empty Tables’ moment, this was it.

Diana’s death was one of the most shocking moments in celebrity culture, and that’s all we get? After two hours of this, I feel a little ripped off. That being said, will I watch this musical again just for the lols? Absolutely.

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You can stream Diana: The Musical on Netflix.