DUMB SURVIVOR RECAP: Henry Becomes A Sleazy Tribal Cheater & People Drown
Australian Survivor is as as twisted as a pack of chicken Twisties right now All kinds of complex shit is happening and I’m here to dumb it all down for you.
We kick off this week’s episode over at Ass-Jager, with power couple Yogi Bear Henry and hottie Jacqui lapping up their status of being this year’s power couple. They are bossing everyone around and acting like they’re they king and queen of the island. All hail them and their smugness.
They are sitting around with Ken bitching about the young folk. Simultaneously, the youngens are bitching about the older peeps.
The whole island seems to be segregated by age as they battle over who will die prematurely.
Ben, who has just discovered how to walk and talk like a fully grown man-baby, is picking fights with Jacqui. Ben even puts on Jacqui’s voice and impersonates her like a 5 year old toddler.
‘Real mature Bradley…’
The tribe guyz meet with Hostie McBiceps, who has brought with him those castaways that just won’t bugger off: Tara and Anneliese. Turns out they are doing a switcharoo, and two people on Asorgar have to go over to the other camp. No one knows why, but best not to question Ten in their pursuit for drama.
Hopeless Ben offers to go and everyone is thrilled. Ken can’t contain himself.
‘BEST DAY EVA. SEE YA L8R BENNY’
But then SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, Yogi Bear Henry wants to leave.
Oh shit. Everyone is shook. Especially Jacqui who is losing her island hubby. He’s leaving her for a more appealing tribe and has taken away her precious immunity stick thing. Poor Jack Jack Jacqui.
‘Oh shit. I am well and truly fucked.’
They throw their tribal turbans in the sand as an act of transformation, rising from the ashes (AKA the dirty beach floor). Henry says he’s heaps happy to leave because he has an idol and because he looks like Jesus. I guess he hopes the next tribe will treat him as a holy being.
As Henry and Ben approach Summer-Towel the tribe lose their shit, as everyone looks at Henry with heart-eyes. Henry says he is going to flirt and charm his way to the top. No one really noticed Ben is there also.
AK sets his sights on Hen, but Pretty McTallBoy is a much better match. They make a cute AF couple tbh. AK should be jelly, but instead he is having the time of his life having hammock hangs. You do you, AK.
*Sings ‘My Island Home’ by Christine Anu*
It’s challenge time and Hostie Mc Biceps asks the team how it feels to have Ben and Henry with them. Everyone collectively ignores Ben’s existence and raves on about Henry being amazing.
They then commence a game of ‘DROWN BALL FOOTY’. I believe the rules are: try and drown each other and if all else fails, kick a football.
Here’s a rundown:
DIE!!
DIE!!!
*Kicks a football*
DIE!!!
DIE!!!!!
*Kicks a football*
The team that doesn’t have Henry, Locky and Olympian Ziggy does not win. What a shocker.
Over at camp Oh-Saga, they all gab on and lie to one another. Tara is going? Jacqui is going? Oh wait.. nah Sarah is going? Every one scrambles to recruit Tara and Anneliese to vote their way, who are lapping up being loved rather than hated by all.
Finally across the island at ‘Fire Chat’ the trive tell Hostie McBiceps cryptic shit about going with their gut. I don’t really know what your gastrointestinal tract have to do with strategy…
Anyways, Jacqui gets her name written down a bunch. A bunch more times than Sarah. Off you pop Jacqui, catch you on the mainland.
SEE YA GUUUUURL.