Ed Sheeran Keeps Gifting Giant Penises To Celebrities And Who Is Gonna Stop Him?
Ed Sheeran is proving himself to be a penis pest after two celebs revealed that the UK star has sent them giant marble dick statues, and we have a lot of questions…
British superstar Sam Smith talked about this huge gift on The Kelly Clarkson Show, saying the statue was so big it had to be craned into their house. “It’s actually wild. I thought it was a joke. It’s a 6ft 2in marble penis that is two tonnes…I wanna turn it into a fountain which I think will be hard to do,” they said.
The pair then named the phallic statue after Bridgerton hunk, Duke Of Hastings, with Kelly saying the name sounds “grand” and “like it’s 6ft 2in.”
Sam said that this is something that Ed just likes to do. “He gives people concrete penises… I’m not the first,” they said.
They then went on to remind us of the moment when Elton John received the sensual creation last year.
In 2021, Elton revealed that Ed gifted him a marble pee pee for his birthday. In a radio interview with Hit 109.9’s Carrie And Tommy Show, the UK icon recalled his relationship with Ed and what could’ve lead up to the penis gift.
“We’ve been friends for years because I used to manage him… We’re really good friends and kid each other and we play tricks on each other.”
Although Elton described the gift as “beautiful” on the show, he admitted that the art piece is in a hidden place. “I suggested to David [Furnish] that I should put it in the garden. And he said, ‘No, we have children.”
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Now one of the first of many questions that popped in my head when I heard about this news is, who the hell is making these penis statues?!
As Sam said, Ed loves giving these gifts out, so there has to be some sort of storage unit full of giant concrete and marble penises ready to go for Ed’s friends.
Another question is who the hell is lucky enough to get one of these bad boys? It would honestly be quite impressive to have a giant marble penis. It’s kinda like a symbol of wealth.
Also…does Taylor Swift have one? We all know the pair are the best of friends, but I can’t imagine her to have a giant penis in her home.
But the most important question is who is gonna stop this penis menace? It is quite funny, sending giant penises around town, but in full marble? Sheesh, that’s like my whole uni degree paid off.
Although these questions will probably never get answered, at least we know who to make friends with in Hollywood if you want a giant dick in your yard.
It’ll be the talk of your next gatho.