FCK OFF: A Brisbane Fella Woke Up To Find Carpet Python Wrapped Across His Neck

We are only four days into 2017 and Straya may have already peaked. An elderly man in Brisbane was bitten on the hand by a snake, after he woke up to find a carpet python slithering across his neck early in the morning.

FCKN STRYA. It’s your worst bloody nightmare.

The snake-charmer Max Mason, aged 79, told ABC that he woke to find a metre-long carpet python on top of him at around 2am, as he slept in his home in Ascot. He was bitten as he threw the snake off his chest.

“I felt a cold feeling slithering across the side of my neck. It woke me up. I had the feeling it was a snake slithering across my neck,” he said.

“I grabbed it and threw it on the floor and switched the bedroom light on and sure enough it was a snake.”

The Brisbanian said he was bitten on the hand as he threw the snake off him. His wife contained the snake with a plastic bin, and the cheeky reptile will be released back into the wild. While Max was taken to Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital to be monitored for the next 24 hours.

“I think it’s a once-in-the-lifetime sort of thing, good heavens, you wouldn’t expect a snake to be slithering across your neck in the night as a regular occurrence,” he said.

HELL NO. Nowhere is safe anymore.