plans

50 Ways To Get Out Of Those Plans You Truly Regret Saying Yes To

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Hi. My name’s Bradley and I’m a flake.

I make plans only to bail on them last minute. Locking down a date even in the faraway future makes me feel uneasy and I am totally liable to just straight-up smoke bomb a party if it’s not my vibe.  And you know what? I’ve come to terms and am totally okay with it.

Tyra Banks Goodbye GIF by America's Next Top Model - Find & Share on GIPHY

Being a flake isn’t a super desirable quality as a friend, boyfriend, human, whatever — but you know what? I’m really bloody good at it and nobody can take that away from me.

I’m so good, in fact, that I’m about to hook you up with some insider’s info, with 50 foolproof* ways to bail on those plans you already committed to, but really wish you didn’t.

*Results may will absolutely vary.


#1 Say You’ve Got Gastro.

It’s a real thing, it’s common and doesn’t invite any follow-up questions. Plus it’s suuuuper contagious so nobody will want to fuck with you (or smell you).

Gross Grand Inquisitor GIF by Joyful Noise Recordings - Find & Share on GIPHY

#2 Dramatically “Spill” Red Wine All Over Yourself.

“Oh my god, can you believe this!? I have to go home and change now. Be back never, bitch.”

Happy Uh Oh GIF by Rosanna Pansino - Find & Share on GIPHY

#3 Pick A Fight With Whoever You’re Meant To Hang With

If you’re not sure how to pick a fight, try bringing up some of their biggest insecurities, or hit them with your car. Whatever works for you!

Fight GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#4 “Shit Man, I Forgot It’s My Mum’s Birthday.”

We’ve all done it, you ain’t special. If your friend has a soul they will let you off the hook, even though you’re a lying piece of shit.

Awkward Britney Spears GIF by T. Kyle - Find & Share on GIPHY

#5 Sleep With The Partner Of Whoever You’re Meant To Hang With

Chances are they won’t want to hang out with you after this.

Nbc Lol GIF by Marlon - Find & Share on GIPHY

#6 “Oh no, I’ve double booked myself!”

Now this one is a bit tricky to navigate because it implies that there is someone else you’re meant to be seeing, and they take preference over whoever it is you’re trying to bail on.

BUT you can always be like “yeah, we organised this months and months ago!” Then the person should be cool with it because of standard shot-gun rules etc. etc.

Confused Chrissy Teigen GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#7 Fake Your Own Death

Can’t hang out if you’ve ceased to exist.

Rihanna Wink GIF by AnimatedText - Find & Share on GIPHY

#8 “My Housemate You’ve Never Met Before Broke Her Leg And I’m In The Emergency Room With Her.”

“Her name? It’s Brenda.”

Brenda Castro Coffee GIF by docaff - Find & Share on GIPHY

#9 Ghost Them

Lmao, literally just don’t show up.

Seth Rollins Goodbye GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#10 “I Am So So SOOOO Sorry! I Forgot! Owe You One! Seriously!”

Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Everybody knows what, what’ I’m talkin’ ’bout. Everybody gets that way. NOBODY’S PEEEERFECT.

Miley Cyrus Smile GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#11 Remind Them That The Jonas Brothers Are In Town, So Obvi You’re Fully Booked

Honestly, dead-ass, any other weekend would work I’m just really trying to get Kevin Jonas’s autograph.

Winter Storm Jonas GIF by The Daily Dot - Find & Share on GIPHY

#12 “Can We Reschedule For After Pay Day?”

A good friend will acknowledge when another friend is broke.

Blackish No Money GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#13 Play Dumb

Plans? You didn’t make any plans with me. I think I would remember if you and I made plans.

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#14 Give Yourself Food Poisoning

Nothing a little raw chicken left out in the sun for a few hours can’t fix, sweaty. Bone apple queef. xoxo.

TOKiMONSTA GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#15 “I Really Need To Catch Up On ‘The Big Bang Theory’”

Spinning this one might just eliminate all plans with the person in the foreseeable future because you’re a horrible, horrible person who doesn’t deserve friendship.

Sheldon Love GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#16 Go, Make A Scene, Then Go Home

Get there, stay 5 minutes, throw a glass of champagne at someone then go home.

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#17 Delete And Block Their Number And Erase Them From Your Life

Bye, bitch.

Basketball Wives Goodbye GIF by VH1 - Find & Share on GIPHY

#18 “My Mum Said I Shouldn’t Hang Out With You Anymore”

A classic case of shifting the blame. Anyone who gets mad at your mum’s judgement is worth hanging out with.

Sorry Not Sorry Mob Wives Season 3 Gif By RealitytvGIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#19 Call The Police On Them

Put in an anonymous tip that they’re selling drugs and watch the police raid their house from the comfort of your car, while wearing a hoodie and dark glasses.

Fuck The Police GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#20 Catfish Them And Ask Them On A Date On The Night You Two Were Meant To Hang

Then get mad at them for bailing on you.

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#21 “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Break up with them.

Break Up Crying GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#22 Send Them Your Obituary

Sorry hun, can’t come to the movies bc as you can see I am very much dead. Don’t bring flowers to my funeral, just transfer some money to my bank account. BSB: 663…

Dead Ariana Grande GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#23 Sell Their Identity On The Black Market

They’ll be too busy cancelling all their bank cards and ordering a new birth certificate to worry about you bailing on dinner.

Interested Kim Kardashian GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#24 “I Am Actually Doing Charity Work That Night… So… You Get It”

I’m better than you, I want you to know it, and you getting upset right now is actually so selfish and you should stop.

Sassy Black And White GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#25 Hire A Doppelgänger To Go In Your Place

Honestly? Foolproof.

I See You Hello GIF by Al Roker - Find & Share on GIPHY

#26 Shit Yourself

Um.

Austin Powers Did You Just Soil Yourself GIF by IFC - Find & Share on GIPHY

#27 “I’m Still Mad At You For That Thing You Did” — “What, you don’t remember? Well, that’s on you, babe.”

“I seriously can’t believe you can’t remember. Typical from you, TBH.”

Bored Spaced Out GIF by Juno Calypso - Find & Share on GIPHY

#28 Organise For Them To Be Kidnapped

Only for the night!

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#29 Organise Yourself To Be Kidnapped

Only for the night! 😉

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#30 “My Boss Is Making Me Work A Shift Tonight!”

Yas, B! Shift that blame!

Britney Spears Crying GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#31 Put Your Headphones In And Take A Really Long Nap

Catch some z’s boo.

Tired Sam Puckett GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#32 Take A Nap & Get Your Friends To Navigate Your Body Like A Skin Puppet

That way you still show up, and participate, but have to put in like ZERO effort.

Bom Dia Hello GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#33 “My sister’s housemate’s cat is actually getting married, and it asked me to officiate. So, yeah. I’d invite you but we’ve hit capacity.”

You get it…

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#34 Let Them Know In Way Of Song

“I don’t fuck with youuuuu.”

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#35 Gaslight Them

“I’m sorry, who’s calling? I have literally never met you before in my life and I’m calling the police.”

Who Are You GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#36 “I actually have a date!”

A stretch, I know. But they just might believe you.

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#37 Be Upfront And Honest As To Why You Can’t Hang Out

Lmao. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

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#38 Ask If It’s Okay If You Invite Someone Else

Then just have them go in your place.

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#39 Chuck A Tantrum

I’m talking kicking and screaming on the floor of Woolies after your mum says you can’t have a Kinder Surprise level tantrum.

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#40 Get Real With Them

“How long have you known me? Are you seriously surprised that I’m bailing on you?”

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#41 Bail, But Offer A Solution

“Eeek! I can’t make tonight, but how’s tomorrow?”

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#42 Give Them A Bunch Of Cash

Buy forgiveness.

Show Me The Money GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#43 Steal All Their Credit Cards

Can’t hang out if you can’t pay for it, hun.

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#44 Shave Their Head In Their Sleep

They won’t want to leave their house. Unless they’re low-key living for their new look, in that case, remind them that they look disgusting.

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#45 “My Car Broke Down”

Can you believe it!?

Episode 7 Comedy GIF by Hotstar - Find & Share on GIPHY

#46 “Someone Stole The Wheels Off My Car”

Just my luck!

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#47 “Someone Stole My Car’s Steering Wheel”

Honestly, what are the odds?

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#48 “I Don’t Own A Car”

“And public transport grosses me out… and so does your car… so.”

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#49 Just Go

Bite the bullet, stop being such a dick and just GO. You made the plans, now front up, ya lil bitch.

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#50 Throat Punch Them

I don’t reckon they’ll be keen to hang after a firm punch to the jugular.

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Gee you all are lucky to have me, a supportive force in your life. By free, my flakey friends!