GAME OF THOTS: We Ranked Who Deserves The Iron Throne Based On How Good They Fuck
As we near the end of Game of Thrones, the one looming question left to be answered is who will win the Iron Throne.
According to a poll on Reddit most voters believe that Jon Snow deserves the Iron Throne the most, with Daenerys Targaryen and Tyrion Lannister coming in second and third.
But tbh blood lines and perceived worthiness don’t mean much to me. All I care about is: who out of all the Seven Kingdoms is a true thot ready to throw down?
This is a ranking and we are going from worst to best fuck game and therefore least to most deserving of the Iron Throne.
#10. Euron Greyjoy
Euron is a dud root. Don’t even argue with me. Post-coital you can tell from Cersei’s expression that his performance was nothing to boast about. Euron being anything more than disappointing in bed is about as likely as someone from the Iron Island’s ending up ruling the Seven Kingdoms. It was never going to happen.
#9. Jaime Lannister
I have a theory about incredibly attractive people being bad at sex. They often think they can coast off their good looks and not put in the work. Jaime strikes me as someone who thinks being pretty is enough. This was proven when he had his chance with Brienne and did nothing about it. Thank you, next.
#8. Sansa Stark
She might be the sassiest lady the north has even seen but the oldest Stark sister does not strike me as being great in bed. Look, I’m sure she has a true thot inside ready to burst out but she needs some time to grow up and date, you know, away from all this death/torture business.
#7. Daenerys Targaryen
In the battle of Dany Vs Sansa, sorry but on all accounts it seems like the Targaryens really know how to fuck. Dany has now had three different sex friends throughout the series and we just know she’s the one taking the reigns.
#6. Arya Stark
A few weeks ago I wouldn’t have included Arya, the virgin, in this ranking at all but it turns out she’s a total bad bitch in bed. She took total control of Gendry and her telling him to take his own pants off became one of the series’ most iconic lines ever.
#5. Yara Greyjoy
Another longshot for the Iron Throne but we can all agree Yara is the most bangable thot on the Iron Islands. We got a taste of her fuck game when she was hooking up with Ellaria Sand and with the (unlikely) possibility that she’s still alive let’s pray they reunite and both get their…err, happy endings.
#4. Grey Worm
Okay, I know the likelihood of an Unsullied commander being considered for such a role is highly improbable but I’ve got to give credit to Grey Worm for gifting us with hands down the best sex scene the series has ever seen. Let’s just say he was an incredibly….giving…partner to Missandei.
#3. Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion can fuck. That’s just a fact. You can feel that he’s a generous lover that doesn’t rush things. His scenes back in the days of Shae were incredibly hot and she was always left satisfied.
#2. Cersei Lannister
Cersei isn’t just the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, she slays all the men she encounters and is obviously very skilled in the bedroom. Sure, she had plenty of practice with her brother (this fucking show, huh) but every bloke she encounters becomes enamoured with her ‘cos she’s just buzzing with big dick energy.
She’s a straight up freak. We bow down.
#1. Jon Snow
I am just as surprised as you to be putting Jon Snow as number one but hear me out. Stupid men are good in bed. I don’t know the science behind it but it’s like all their brain cells goes straight to their dicks.
My gurl Yritte can vouch for me, after bedding Jon who can forget her telling him “You’re a proper lover, Jon Snow” before complementing his tongue technique.
The details count. Jon Snow can fuck. Who would have guessed…?