Game Of Thrones Recap: Let’s Drink Wine & Wait To Die (Big Mood)

Guess who’s back. Back again. Jaime’s back, Brienne’s friend. The love story we never knew we needed has landed in Winterfell and that’s just the beginning of the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

Tbh, I’m still recovering from that Arya/Gendry sex scene that literally no one asked for but anyways…

Let’s get into it!

We open in the great hall as the Winterfell gang Jon, Sansa and Dany greet Jaime. The atmosphere is particularly frosty between the dragon queen and the Kingslayer. Awkies.

Thankfully, Jaime is a messy bitch and spills all the tea about Cersei and her plans for Euron and the Golden Company. Before deciding whether or not they’ll let Jaime live, his gurl Brienne busts in and backs him up.

With Sansa besties with Brienne, she approves of Jaime but asks for the final decision to be made by Jon, who is even more eloquent than usual.

Jaime pledges to join Jon and Dany’s army, as he and Brienne make heart-eyes at each other across the room. There’s so much sexual tension in the air, I am now pregnant.

During the entire ordeal, Bran stared at Jaime like a big weirdo.

His interests have changed from ‘three-eyed raven’ babbling to conspiracy theories. Jaime is lost for words.

As the meeting comes to an end, Sansa storms off (for some reason?!) and Dany gets grumpy with Tyrion. “Why didn’t you know your sister was a shady binch?!” she shouts. I dunno, hon, why don’t you know you’re fucking your nephew?

Jaime continues to seek out Bran to apologise for that time when he disabled him as a child. He doesn’t get much out of him, I guess Bran’s funnelled his fury into the dark web.

Unrelated: okay EXCUSE ME but we need to talk about how great Jaime’s hair looks this season. I need to know what products he uses!! That texture! That body! That shine!

It truly deserves the iron throne more than anyone else right now.

Back with the normal people (the ones who aren’t Bran sitting alone in a forest arguing with a tree) Tyrion and Jaime appear to be besties again. They lol over the fact that Jaime routinely has sex with his own sister and this is why I avoid family functions.

Dany approaches Sansa over the tension between them and they eventually bond over a shared annoyance.

Nek minute it’s every woman for themselves because my bby boy THEON ARRIVES in Winterfell. This might be an unpopular opinion but Theon has always been my No.1 GoT hunk. He’s so tortured. So damaged. He needs to be taken care of and I volunteer as tribute.

THEON IS MY SOFTBOI BBY.

Unlucky for me, but Sansa seems to be vibing Theon and it looks like they are going to be Winterfell’s next hottest couple. I hate myself for saying this but I’m into it.

Outside Grey Worm and Missandei both agree that the north sucks, it’s all shitty weather and muddy-faced children. They make plans to live together and go back home if they both survive.

Lol. That’s real cute but it won’t be happening.

After finding out the White Walker army are fast approaching, a lot of the ep is various people making plans and yelling at each other. Bran tries to be included by volunteering to lure the Night King! Jon thinks Sam shouldn’t be fighting in the war! Sam disagrees! Angry brooding ensues all around.

This about sums it up:

By far the best part of the episode is the chemistry between Jaime and Brienne. Those two are the cutest couple this series has seen in a long time, which might just because we’re used watching Jaime tongue kiss his actual sister on the regular.

Tyrion and Jaime sit around the fire and suddenly Brienne and Podrick arrive. Just when we think the stars are aligning, Tormund arrives and all of a sudden we have a love triangle on our hands.

I expect to see John Krasinski as the loveless bestie in the next GoT episode, but that’s prob about as likely as Tormund ever having a chance with Brienne after that giant-suckle story that made me black out.

Over with Gendry, who is just quietly weapon-making, along comes Arya and THINGS ESCALATE, OH BOY DO THEY ESCALATE. They get naked and bump genitals and woah.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M WATCHING BUT IT FEELS WRONG & I’M GOING TO GO SHOWER/DO A DETOX CLEANSE OF MY SOUL.

I’m clearly not the only one Googling this immediately:

Over with Jaime and Brienne, two consenting adults that should be having sex IMHO, the gang keep drinking and eventually decide that Brienne deserves to become a knight. HELL YEAH.

Jaime does the honours and it is the sweetest/nicest/cutest thing ever. It’s true love here, fam.

As the group of misfits await, well, probable death they decide to sing it out as Podrick launches his SoundCloud account. Yeehaw. The song slaps.

As everyone readies for the Battle of Winterfell, the ep ends with Jon finally telling Dany about his royal roots.

While she doesn’t give an F about the whole ‘I’ve been fucking my nephew’ thing, you can tell she is not going to let Jon take her throne. Not today.

Jon better watch his back.

I see a divorce on the cards. But WHO is going to keep the dragons?!?

Stay tuned…