Game Of Thrones Recap: ‘You Get A Dracarys! You Get A Dracarys! You All Get A Dracarys!’

We are back for another episode of Game of Thrones and Dany is burning down the house… literally.

House Lannister is no more, left in ashes and whether Cersei and Jaime are even still alive is an open question.

This is the second last episode of Game of Thrones EVER. Luckily I am totally holding it together. Thanks for asking.

I need to firstly address the fact that this war was held in the daylight instead of the Battle of Winterfell’s pitch black nothingness.

THANK YOU. Praise be.

Let’s do this, shall we?

We open to a studious Varys writing something on a scroll which appears to be him exposing Jon Snow as Aegon Targaryen, the heir to the Iron Throne.

On closer inspection, it’s something far worse.

Who is he sending this to? Who knows?!

All we know is that Sansa can’t keep a damn secret and she’s a messy bitch who lives for drama. I respect that.

Via Pinterest

Dany is feeling glum since that whole ‘best friend decapitation’ saga. She won’t eat or leave her chambers since Missandei was killed, which is fair.

I often don’t leave my room after my fave TV character dies. IZZIE DESERVED HAPPINESS AND DENNY WAS HER SOULMATE DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON GEORGE.

Sorry. I’m fine. Just fine.

Tyrion confronts Dany and tells on Varys for betraying her. Jon tries to get Dany to chill and it doesn’t go well.

Dany is merciless and Varys is blazed by Drogon.

R.I.P strange bald man that liked to creep in the shadows and serve sass to everyone that fell in his path. Dany scorns Jon for telling Sansa and betraying her. Then they kiss. Huh? Are they about to have breakup sex?

Jon pulls away, I guess he’s had a good think and after being told 246 times that Dany is his aunty, it’s now begun to sink in.

Tyrion finds out from Dany that Jaime is being kept captive so visits and frees his brother, telling him he’s organised a way for Jaime and Cersei to escape the incoming battle.

They share a nice moment where Tyrion thanks his brother for not “treating him like a monster” when they were growing up, and there is something in my eye.

IT IS VERY EMOTIONAL.

At King’s Landing, soldiers and civilians prepare for the war while Cersei remains in the Red Keep. This time Drogon ain’t messing around. Dany flies in and immediately torches the entirety of Euron’s fleet. Yikes. Revenge for Rhaegal has never been sweeter.

Burn all the ships, I say! Take no prisoners! (This show has made me a bad person.)

Back in the city everyone is burning to death. It’s just not a good time. Then the northern army charge the walls of King’s Landing despite, you know, everyone being very dead or wounded already.

It’s a pretty big mood.

As fire breaks through into the village, Qyburn tries to convince Cersei to surrender because they are, well, extremely fucked. The queen refuses.

Cersei is all kinds of delusional.

She tells her hand that Euron will kill the dragon, then suddenly Drogon and Dany swoop over and perch on the wall. The bells that signifies surrender start ringing.

That’s it right? War is over. Let’s all sing a round of ‘We’re All In This Together’! Who’s with me?!

Cut to Dany:

Tbh, Dany is looking like she urgently needs a vacay in Bali and I can relate. As the bell rings loud around the city, Dany flies her dragon down and eviscerates the town, including the helpless women and children.

Yeah. So it looks like Dany has officially gone bad.

Dani: I’m not like the Mad King, not me, not I, not ever!

Also Dany:

On the ground, Jon is freaking out. His girlfriend has gone rogue and he’s noticing that a lot of his army have started assaulting women and murdering at random. He stops one of his soldiers from killing a woman and stabs him to death.

Jon turns against practically everyone.

Arya and The Hound stroll in as the Red Keep crumbles around them and they both decide that they don’t need to kill Cersei ‘cos her death is inevitable.

The Hound sends Arya to find safety and goes to find his nemesis The Mountain. They soon come face-to-face and we finally see what Cersei’s subhuman bodyguard actually looks like.

Wow, those red eyes really make his eye makeup pop.

They fight literally til the death. The brothers poke objects into each other’s eyeballs (families lol!) before The Hound charges at The Mountain and they both plummet to fiery deaths.

Speaking of fire, there’s a lot of people burning to death in this ep, hey. I wouldn’t say that I’m loving it much. Like we get it, fire is hot, we don’t need to see actual barbecued Westerosians.

Without her bodyguard, Cersei is left scared and alone until Jaime waltzes in to rescue her. While I assumed he came to murder his sister and start a new life with Brienne, he instead comforts Cersei as the building collapses around them.

HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO BRIENNE. THIS IS NOT ON.

I have no doubt that Brienne won’t be single for long.

While it appears Jaime and Cersei are dead, I don’t accept that. What an anticlimactic way to go. It just can’t be so?!

Surely Cersei has to be killed by Arya (or even Sansa?), this is not happening. NOT TODAY.

Above ground, it’s legit hell on earth. Burnt bodies line the streets, women and children are terrified and in hiding, while Dany doesn’t seem to look like she’s going to stop anytime soon.

Fire rains down on all of King’s Landing and Missandei would be proud…or horrified.

Arya leads the frightened people to find safety but later finds the mother and daughter that helped her were burnt alive.

She grabs a random horse (appearing out of nowhere, dat you Bran?) and rides out of King’s Landing.

Left shaken and horrified by what she’s seen, it’s safe to say Arya is definitely going to lead the charge against Dany next week.

This episode. Holy fucking shit. That was a devastating watch so here is a picture of a dog wearing a pancake as a face mask.

Via Reddit

Hopefully it will heal some of the emotional wounds that hellfire just inflicted.

I’m off to question the life choices I’ve made that led me to this episode…