GAME OF THRONES RECAP: When Dany Met Snowy & Lady Olenna Gets Her Groove Back
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The start of the week is GoT time! There’s no better way to aid your enjoyment of the world’s foremost hour of entertainment than by lovingly embracing it through GIF’s.
The third episode’s kick-off is a ripper. We watch Jon Snow and Sir Davos arrive on Dragonstone. They’re both greeted by Tyrion and are a touch formal but there’s love there …and DRAGONS. Last time they met, Jon was trying to keep Sam Tarly alive and Tyrion was trying to drink his liver to death. Cue ‘As Time Goes By’ montage.
Melisandre watches from a cliff face above and tells Varies that she’s leaving for a while but will return to die, so that’s nice. Red Witch is losing her mojo fast.
It’s not all roses and dragonglass. Dany and Jon aren’t threatening the title of the closest BFF’s in Westeros. Dany wants Jon to bend the knee, Jon’s knees are stiff from a long journey and besides, he’s the King in the North, so nah.
Tyrion is trying to help them get along but it’s like trying to make Kanye West and Jay-Z mend their broken friendship, no one quite knows why they’re mad but they won’t be the first to release an apology track. But in this case, Jay-Z has dragons that could barbecue Kanye to a piece of charcoal. More tooing and froing to be had later.
Dany ain’t playing around with that big ol’ stone seat either.
Traitor Mc Coward Theon Greyjoy is pulled aboard one of the remaining ships of his sisters scattered fleet. He tells the crew that he tried to defend his sister, at which they give a collective GTFO and turn the cold shoulder on him. Theon has officially left the building (aka boat) and poor confused Reek is back for now.
On the flip side, his uncle Euron is CRUSHING it. Adoring crowds hailing him and throwing rotten fruit at his captives Elia Sand and Yara Greyjoy. His advances on Cersei are being well received for a change, and he’s asking Jaime for best practice tips about what his sister-girlfriend likes in bed.
These days he’s kind of morphed into a porn star from the ’80s, and tbh I’m diggin’ his vibe.
I’m not a bitter man and from that vantage point it is lovely to see another human being thoroughly enjoying life. It never lasts in GoT, so Euron, for now, I raise my glass to you.
Cersei now has Elia bound up in the dungeon and poisons her daughter before her eyes. As with any sane individual, these acts of torture make her crazy horny, and Jaime is the welcome beneficiary of her refound libido. Incest is v. much back in on GoT in a big way.
Briefly back to Dragonstone, where Tyrion is leading our two grumpy gangsta rap stars to a mutual understanding. Jon is allowed to mine the dragonglass within the island, and Dany seems to be coming around to the idea that Westeros might be big enough for the two of them.
Jon seems confused by the deal. In the end, Mother of Dragons gets the whole island and Jon gets to stand on this cliff.
In Winterfell, Sansa seems a pretty handy ruler in Jon’s absence. She’s all over the grain shortage, although not impressed with the leatherless armour plates and is still telling Littlefinger where to shove his little finger. Smooth operator.
Unexpectedly, Bran returns. He is acting a lot like a younger brother returned from his first trip overseas – like a know-all tosspot that’s found spirituality. His saving grace being that he’s on the good side. However, it does get a bit much when he starts talking his sister through her Ramsey Bolton wedding. You don’t need to rehash that stuff dude, she was there.
The reunion was clearly felt on an emotional level for both siblings.
The Unsullied army has arrived in Lannisport and Tyrion talks us through the conflict Ocean’s Eleven style. The taking of the castle involved soldiers coming up through the sewers, which Tyrion built.
It would be a pretty cunning ruse, that George Clooney could claim proudly… if the castle wasn’t half empty. Awks.
So where is the Lannister army? They’re over-taking Highgarden on the DL, destroying more of Dany’s ships and although they’ve abandoned Casterley Rock, they took everything of value from it anyway. Overall, they’ve significantly strengthened their position again.
By the end of it Dorn is in disarray and ol’ Lady Olenna is sitting up there like a ripe fig, ready to be plucked. But before Olenna dies, she has the great pleasure of telling Jaime that it was she who poisoned that knobhead Joffrey. Her joy at bringing Cersei so much pain shines through the her eyes as she is taken by the poison.
I’m not overstating this, but it’s THE BEST thing that’s happened this season. What a woman.
And that’s it! The music is getting more serious, the actors more dramatic, and we only have four episodes left! It hurts so bad.
Join us next time as Jon Snow learns to count to ten and Qyburn becomes obsessed with gym-junkie dudebro culture.
Recap by William Henderson
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