GAME OF THRONES RECAP: Fam’s Back Together, Fire AF Battles & Dragons
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Straight up: what an incredible episode. It’s left me with an awkward 14 year old style erection that just won’t go away.
Episodes like this remind us all why we love this show, why we keep the fires of love for it burning through the lame and empty non-GoT months, and why we hate Stacey from finance because she thinks she’s too cool to watch the show. That big idiot.
NB: This is a recap, so obvs everything from here on in is one big fat spoiler.
Cersei’s taking care of bizzle with the icky suck from the Iron Bank. His smarmy shit-eating grin reminds us all of why a career in banking is just not for us. They’re going to fit her out with new armies, navies and all the must have accessories for the sociopathic queen on the go. So yay, I guess. At least she’s not fucking her bro.
Ayra’s back in Winterfell. The guards at the gate almost kept her out (we’ve all met the bouncer’s who think they own the club), but slips by and heads to her father’s tomb.
Sansa pops down to see her and they exchange pleasantries. Then they go and talk to Bran, and it’s a right old Stark kiddie reunion. Bran is one neck beard and fedora away from a philosophy-dude-bro and him doing his ‘I know and see all’ trick on Ayra goes down about as well as it did with Sansa. Someone get this boy a waifu.
Ayra and Brienne of Tarth also get some exercise by belting each other in swordplay. All smiles and happy faces as Brienne kicks Ayra in the chest and Ayra gets her knife right up to Brienne’s throat. Good. Clean. Fun.
Further south, Jon Snow and Daenerys are getting on a little better this week.
It’s probs for the best that they’re not totally falling over each other… them being secret aunt/ nephew and all. Plus the dragon mum keeps harping on about Jon ‘bending the knee’. It’s becoming a buzz kill.
Jon’s found a bunch of etchings in the dragonglass left by the Children of the Forest. Everyone’s always so sweet on The Children of the Forest, so let’s not forget that they created the White Walkers and got us into this mess. Little pricks.
We’ve all been good boys and girls this week, and Game of Thrones is to reward us with a treat, in the form of this final battle scene.
Jaime’s army is mopping up after spanking the Tyrell’s and taking over Highgarden. Tyrell gold in the Red Keep? Check. Enemy defeated? Check. Rust-B-Gone sprayed on fake hand? Check.
Jamie and Bron are exchanging some bantz (yay Bron’s back!) when the scene goes eerily quiet. Softly over the hills, we hear the gentle yodelling of the Dothraki war cry. That’s right pimps and playas, Daenerys is back in town!!!
The Dothraki plummet down the hill, and as they prepare to shatter the Lannister line, a gargantuan presence is seen floating towards the battle.
Drogan the Dragon flies into the mix, every bit the God of death we were all praying he’d be. He roars in, roasts some Lannisters, toasts the baggage line full of Tyrell goodies and probably obliterates the seasons worth of CGI budget while he’s at it.
Tyrion’s watching on, and has mixed feelings about seeing the army and people he was raised with being burnt alive. It all gets a bit much to him, especially when he sees his idiot brother charge at Dany with a slightly injured Drogan standing next to her (he copped a splinter to the wing, diddums).
Poor dopey Jaime. In the last episode he told old Olenna Tyrell that his father called him a slow learner, but really they don’t need to teach kids not to charge dragons because kids aren’t that thick.
Just quickly too, Bron’s back and we’re all SO happy as a result. He makes fun of Dickon’s name (hehehehe, Dickon), hangs shit on Jaime, shoots a dragon and just in general does Bron things that make me smile and try to remember all my dad’s folksy, sweary sayings.
So yeah, what an ep right? Told you guys!
Tune in next time to catch Ayra using Little Finger’s knife to pick his eyes out and to watch Bran just in general freak everyone the fuck out.
Recap by William Henderson
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