Game of thrones recap

GAME OF THRONES RECAP: A-Team, Assemble!

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Ok, we’re all adults here and we can all admit a certain truth to each other – this Game of Thrones episode was a bit of a time traveling talk-fest.

After entering the garden of dragonly delights last week, we seem to have stumbled into Westeros’ Parliamentary Question Time but the characters can magically appear in different locations as if no time has passed at all.

But whatever, right? We love us some GoT yeah? Shit, we used to go entire seasons where nothing would happen only to have our minds blown in the last two eps of the season. Are we now so fat and spoilt that we expect battles and deaths in every scene? (writers note, I am that fat and spoilt).

So cheers to the talky episodes where characters move around like they’re on a chess board and where anyone can be anywhere at any time.

Let’s have it!

Bron And Jaime emerge from the bottomless puddle a few K’s from where Jaime tried to single handedly (lol, I made a funny) kill Dany but didn’t take into account Drogon the dragon standing right next to her. Next thing we know Jaime is in Kings Landing (because of time travel, der) and is trying to tell Cersei all he’s learned about dragons in their time apart. Namely, that he and Cersei as the enemy of the nice dragon lady, are fucked.

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Back to the battlefield. Dany has rounded up the surviving Lannister troops and has offered them the chance to fight with her, or die. Tyrion can’t help but note the difference between this new rhetoric and the queen he once knew. The queen who once insisted on trying keep the peace and avoid bloodshed in Meereen. Two blokes in particular give him cause for concern.

Randal Tarly and his son Dickon (no sniggering please) are amongst the captured. Randal refuses to bend the knee – no surprises there – and Dickon follows suit. Dany doesn’t have the knowledge or the steady hand to knock together a gallows at such short notice, so dragon fire will do nicely.
Tyrion doesn’t look like a happy camper.

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Big bad bustling Jorah Mormont is back from his brush with death, a bit scalier but just as resolute to remain Dany’s older, slightly creepy, right hand man (also more time travel between The Citadel and the sudden appearance at Dragonstone).

However he’s not staying for long. Jon’s heading north and Jorah’s going to go with him.

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Why’s Jon heading north? Why to capture a wight of course, what a stupid question. Why is Jon going to capture a wight? *sigh* to show Cersei that they’re real, end hostilities and unite all armies to fight The White Walkers. How is all this, I mean, what the fuck are you talking about? Just shut up. Time travel and the plot moving at the speed of light is all you need to know.

Before Jon can go, Tyrion needs to go to Kings Landing to pass on to Jaime that Dany wants to end the war.

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More time travel, he’s there with Sir Davos.

Davos heads out on his own little trek to Flea Bottom, picking up season one and two stalwart Gendry, Robert Baratheon’s bastard son.

Lovely to have Gendry back, he’s even made himself a war hammer much like what his father used.

Tyrion meets with Jaime and it’s not all happy families. Suffice to say, Jaime now knows Dany wants a truce, and promptly runs to tell Cersei, who surprises everyone by saying ‘I’m thinking the same thing’. Smooth sailing over calm seas then yeah?

Cersei then drops some major baby daddy news. She’s preggers and we don’t need Maury to tell us who the father is. The difference this time is that she’s going to tell the world that it’s Jaime’s! May your child be beautiful and healthy! Or at least not a deformed result of incest. Fingers crossed guys!

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More time travel… Sir Davos, Tyrion and Gendry back on Dragonstone. Gendry’s new place in the world seems to be that of comic relief. He turned some faces to jelly back on the beach at Kings Landing and now is gently ribbing Jon Snow about being shorter than his dad.

He’s like a loveable Scrappy Doo type, but better with a hammer.

Jon, Sir Davos and Gendry set off for The Wall to capture a wight. Bran see’s the army of the dead beyond the wall through crow’s eyes. By East Watch castle, by the sea. The Night King sees him and scatters the crows.

Up north, Bran is using crows to keep an eye on the Night King. He sends ravens across the lands to warn of their pending attack on The Wall.
Winterfell has a distinctly Kings Landing season one feel, with gossiping citizens and intrigue around every corner and I blame Little Finger.

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The snivelling king wannabee has set everyone against each other and no one can trust anyone. Arya has a dig at Sansa, the northern lords are pissy with Jon and everyone’s acting all tricksy and well, Little Fingery.

Arya’s spying on him a little, and the God knows we want her to kill him. But in the end we see that it’s in fact he who is spying on her! Cue dramatic reveal music! I’d vomit but my head is too confused.

By the way, Sam’s left the Citadel. You don’t even really need to know why. But he’s gone and he’s taken some forbidden books with him. Goodo

One last bit of time travel, Jon and his friends are now at the wall, talking it up with Tormund. He shows them his prisoners, The Hound, Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr, who are also already at the wall thanks to time travel.

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Sir Davos heads back, but the rest set out to capture a wight. Why are they capturing a wight again? Just… don’t even worry about it. Shut up and enjoy the ride. Tune in next time as Sansa and Arya get into a gangsta rap battle, and Drogon has his first day in high school’

Now… A-TEAM… ASSEMBLE!

Recap by William Henderson

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