This Is The Only Ranking Of Hawaiian Pizza You’ll Ever Need In Your Life
There is no problem on earth that can’t be solved by a piping hot slice of pizza and there is no greater pizza flavour out there other than Hawaiian.
Hawaiian pizza should be a basic human right, that’s all I’m saying.
I’m not here to argue whether pineapple belongs on pizza. That’s like asking whether strawberries should be dipped in chocolate or whether all cats belong in heaven. The answer is obvious.
This is safe space for pineapple on pizza loyalists. However, not all Hawaiian pizzas were created equal. There is actually a fine science to getting the ratio of ham and pineapple just right.
We decided to put some of the most popular pizzas in Australia to the ultimate test.
These are the pizza chains we tested:
- Pizza Hut
- Domino’s
- Crust
- Criniti’s
- La Porchetta
- Local pizza joint
That is A LOT of pizza that has been inside me. I could say I’ll never eat pizza again but that’s just a blatant lie.
Here’s our definitive ranking of Hawaiian pizza from worst to best:
#6. Domino’s
Large pizza: $13.95
No. of pineapple pieces: 39
Biggest pros: It was still pizza and I like pizza. The base and crust were nice enough, nothing spesh.
Biggest cons: This was a bad Hawaiian pizza. Like it’s disrespectful to even call itself that. Where is the topping?? Some slices had like 2-3 pieces of ham on them which made the amount of pineapple very overpowering.
You need something to balance out the pineapple or it becomes way too sweet for my liking.
Ummm where are the ingredients Mr and Mrs Domino?
The sauce and cheese were rather artificial tasting and it was just not good in any way. While it seems like a cheap pizza, it was very tiny and by far the smallest large pizza I’ve ever seen.
#5. Crust
Large pizza: $18
No. of pineapple pieces: 33
Biggest pros: The ham was very good quality and flavourful. It was shaved and in big sheets. The pineapple pieces were quite chunky and tasted fresh, unlike the typical canned pineapple you generally find on these kinds of pizza.
Biggest cons: This was a very cheesy pizza. Like, don’t get me wrong, I love me some cheese but the ham and pineapple were practically swimming in it which also made the base quite soggy overall.
The cheese paired with the pineapple and ham that wasn’t overly salty made the whole eating experience too sweet for my liking.
#4. Criniti’s
Large pizza: $29
No. of pineapple pieces: 26
Biggest pros: Being a wood-fired pizza meant that the crust was crispy and delicious while the base was thin and yummo. Overall the flavour was good.
Biggest cons: The balance between ham and pineapple was off. Not enough pineapple and far too much ham. The ham also wasn’t chunky enough.
The pizza was fine but sometimes when ordering Hawaiian you just want a simple pizza and this was just too fancy. It was also wildly expensive for such a basic pizza. Like, almost $30 for a pizza is ridiculous?? Tell him he’s dreaming.
#3. Pizza Hut
Large pizza: $17.55
No. of pineapple pieces: 41
Biggest pros: The pizza arrived extremely hot which was a welcome surprise. The crust was crunchy and delicious while the pizza sauce had great flavour.
Biggest cons: Similar to Domino’s, there just wasn’t enough topping. They were very stingy with the ham but overloaded the pineapple which meant the pizza was off balance and a little too sweet.
#2. La Porchetta
Large pizza: $16.90
No. of pineapple pieces: 41
Biggest pros: This pizza was delicious and exactly what I expected to get when ordering a Hawaiian. There was loads of ham and a good ratio to pineapple so was perfectly balanced. The flavour was great overall.
Biggest cons: There wasn’t much to complain about. As you can see it was a little overcooked and burnt in sections but I happen to like my pizza to be overdone. There was a maybe a little too much ham but I’m not complaining.
#1. Local Pizza Joint (Brunswick Pizza Bar)
Large pizza: $15
No. of pineapple pieces: 39
Biggest pros: This is the perfect Hawaiian pizza. No frills. Exactly what you want: a crunchy crust, heaps of ham and an even spread of pineapple. It wasn’t too sweet, instead the pineapple served to make it fresh and tangy. It’s the dream.
Plus ordering from a local pizza restaurant, rather than a bigger franchise, meant that the pizza was much more affordable.
Biggest cons: There ain’t a lot I’d change about this pizza, maybe it was a little too greasy but…when in Rome, ya know.
Final verdict?
When it comes to Hawaiian pizza the simpler the better. My local pizza house was the best with La Porchetta coming in as a close second.
Domino’s and Pizza Hut would have rated much higher if they were more generous with the toppings. Give. Me. Ham.
I would be happy to speak further as your pizza advisor…
