A Definitive Ranking Of Trades Based On The Hottest Tradies
Have you ever been at 7/11 on a Friday afternoon to find a whole bunch of snacks? I’m not talking about Smiths BBQ chips or Cadbury Cherry Ripes… I’m talking about SNACCS.
AKA, seeing the fine-ass tradies in their suede utility belts, orange fluro tops and THICC ASF biceps, walk past you and leave you drowning in a pit of ugliness.
Now, depending on his level of ‘ooft’, to ‘Dayummm’, to ‘SMASH ME’, there is most definitely a scale of hotness when it comes to the different types of tradies.
So whether it’s a plumber or a landscaper, we’ve put together a ranking of which trade has the HOTTEST tradies.
10. Plumbers
We’ve all fallen victim to an eerie ‘plumber’s crack’, but more often than not there are a few backsides that may catch your gaze a little longer than necessary.
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t shoving random crap down my drains, just to get the white-tank-top-wearing GOD to show up at my door and take a look at my pipes (and also unclog the drain because mama still gotta wash her face).
And if a pipe accidentally leaks and homeboy gets a little bit wet, well then, that makes two of us.
9. Carpenter
We’ll take a man who can handle his wood any day of the week. Carpenters like it hard and rough, which is why they always opt for balsa and mahogany when selecting material for headboards.
Do you ever notice how carpenters have giant hands? Perfect for… gloves.
8. Plasterer
Plasterers are THIQQ asf, and all that scraping and buffing is the hands-on approach that we need. They’ve got this dark, mysterious look to them, so if you’re attracted to a bad boy then here he is.
Every now and then, I’ll get a plasterer to come over and he’ll rock up looking fine in his hard hat and overalls, ready to patch up my cracks.
7. Fitter
My body is a machine, does that mean I can call a fitter to work on me?
Fitters are that type of hot that you don’t wanna bring home to your parents. The bad boy/greasy vibe is one where they’ll treat you mean but you’ll always stay keen.
Fitters are handy asf, and they know how exactly how to use tools (especially their most important one). Every time I need a fitter, there’s grinding, there’s drilling, and that’s before he even looks at the machinery.
6. Greenkeeper
Every now and then, I need a greenkeeper to come over and make my pants wet.
**Plants. Sorry, my bad. Must’ve been a typo.
Greenkeepers are that macho kind of hot that is divine. The best part about them is that they prefer to work with their shirts off, revealing that glorious chest that makes you want to melt down and be used as a rake.
Anyone know a good greenkeeper? Cos I’ve got a dirty hoe at my house that needs to be used.
5. Landscaper
Landscapers know how to handle a hot mess (me).
They can take something gross and awful, and find a way to make it aesthetically pleasing (still me). Because of this, they have 10/10 maintenance. Perfect hair, gorgeous abs, excellent paving and quality retaining.
Honestly, lay me down and pave me up.
4. Concreter
What starts out soft but ends up rock hard? Yep concrete, duh.
Concreters are born models. They’ve got a perfect smile, chiselled jaw, gorgeous hair and of course, a rock hard….set of abs.
Everything about them is picturesque, especially when they come home from work doused in cement, ready for a rub down.
I volunteer as tribute!
3. Builder
We can admit, not every builder has that certain TWANG that we’re looking for. But let us tell you, there are some builders that make us want to melt into an ice cream sundae and be slurped at all night long.
Builders are chameleons. They’re skilled in pretty much everything which means that…well, you know what it means.
Located at the nearest 7/11, they’re not supermodels, but they’re rough and burly, with major ‘Zaddy’ vibes.
2. Arborist
Think there’s nothing sexy about tree removal? Think again.
A man that can plow deep into the roots is a man that we all need. Arborists are toned guys, with perfect smiles and killer tans. However, while looks are one thing, it’s the thick, girthy trunk that we’re more interested in.
If he can handle our Jacaranda, we’ll handle his for him.
1.Electricians
Talk about a man with a killer spark.
There’s nothing sexier than inviting a man into your home to handle your bulbs. The way that he twists them, caresses them and, of course, turns them on… well, same.
Electricians are hand-crafted Gods, and they sure as hell know how to turn up the electricity until y’all are creating some static energy of your own.
Better with the lights off? Electricians would disagree, and we’re ok with that.
