We’ve Ranked Which Aussie Sports Have The Hottest Athletes
Sport is just porn, but more socially acceptable.
Have you ever been to a NRL game feeling hungry, and then left completely full? Was it the crappy hot chips? Or was it you feasting on the big beefy players running around in their short shorts?
There’s no doubt that Aussie athletes are some of the best in the world. But let’s be real, who gives a fk who can swim the fastest. The real gold medal should go to who looks BOMB asf while doing it.
I mean, anyone can clear a 2-metre jump, right? But can EVERYONE have natural, god-given beauty that can only be chiselled out by the Lord himself? Didn’t think so.
Therefore, we’ve cultivated an Olympic Ring binding list on which Aussie Sport has the HOTTEST athletes.
So get ready, cos shit’s about to get REAL.
10. Golf
If you find money attractive, then this is the sport for you. Golf players are always hiding a trust fund somewhere. With the price of memberships, only the richest of the rich can afford to play this sport.
Therefore, golf players are always either private schoolboys or daughters of CEOs, meaning that they’re automatically f*ckable based on their net-worth. There’s a reason Tiger Woods had so many mistresses. And it ain’t because of his hairline.
9. Tennis
You ever be at a tennis match, and get off at the noises the players are making? No? Yeh, me neither.
Tennis players are fine asf, and they’ve got this private school fuckboi vibe that’s so invigorating. They could play for hours and not get tired. Same as, and during tennis too.
8. Athletics
Athletes really be out here doing the most. They’ve got every type of ab, every v-line, every contour… it should almost be illegal.
Every time you see an athletics player compete they’ve got this flare in their eyes that needs to be directed to me in the bedroom. They’re definitely not the f*ck around type of hot, but they’re mature, well mannered, and just…PERFECT.
7. Cricket
You ever wanna play around with a wicket and some balls? Call a cricket player.
Aussie Cricket players really be out here teasing us, covering up their bodies from head to toe. Imagine how sweaty they get in those outfits? Are you picturing it? Am I? Hell yeah, I am!
They spend all day hitting sixes when they’re busy being tens themselves. Plz take your ‘HOWZAT’ and direct it to the bedroom.
6. Netball
Ever wonder why Netballers can’t move with the ball? It’s not to share the ball around. Oh no. It’s so that each girl (or guy!) can spend three seconds posing, smizing, and whatever else they do to look swole ASF.
Netballers have the legs to save a fkn kingdom and just between you and me, they’re the best-dressed athletes out.
5. NRL
There’s something about NRL players. Is it their face? Nah. Their bodies? Nah. Their footy shorts? Maybe…
NRL hot isn’t your typical hot. It’s your macho, masculine, dirty, sweaty….. wait, what are we talking about again?
It’s the one sport where injuries just add to the overall hotness. Broken nose? 2nd base. Torn Ankle? 3rd base? Full body cast??! Ruin me.
4. Basketball
If you want a six-foot baddie, then you’ve come to the right place.
Aussie basketball players are fkn trees; it’s literally one of the few sports you have to be birthed into. We can’t even go into depth about their hotness because we can’t see that far up. If you like ‘em tall, then hit up a b-ball player and let him shoot his hoops all over you.
3. Swimming
Soaking wet… dripping… and that’s just me in the stands, now let’s talk about the actual swimmers.
It’s no secret that a swimmer’s body is an erotic, if not spiritual, experience. It’s literally the one place where skin-tight lycra makes everything so much more stimulating.
Everything about Aussie swimmers are perfect, from their abs, to their abs, and did I mention their abs?
2. AFL
You might be thinking, “aren’t AFL and NRL players the same?” No bitch. No.
AFL players are a lot less…thicc…And look less like ugly giant babies (no shade). All that running on the field makes AFL players have the muscles of Thor but the sex-pack of Zac Efron (Oops did I say sex-pack? My mistake!).
Also, AFL players wear muscle tees and short shorts…meaning, well you know what it means.
1. Soccer
Where do we even start?
The position played will tell you whether you’ve got yourself a keeper or not (literally). If you’re into boys, go for the goalies and defenders. However, if it’s MEN that you’re interested in, forwards are the winning ticket.
It’s all about scoring in the end, and that’s something we can get onboard with.