10 Ways To Look Out For Your Loose Mate This Summer
Be a Mermate and lure your mates from danger #mermates
Never let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. Unless you’ve been drinking, in which case you should absolutely listen to your sober mate when they tell you that genius thing you’re about to do is actually a terrible idea.
We’ve all kept an eye on a drunk mate before. It’s in every Aussie’s nature. And with everyone keener than ever to get together over a few drinks this summer, we’ll probably have to do it again soon.
Especially if your squad’s planning any beach days or pool parties. Aussies love swimming and alcohol, but they’re not a good mix. Alcohol impacts our swimming abilities, so be a mermate and lure your drunk friends away from water.
So, the next time your loose mate reckons it’s a good idea to flirt with a stranger or jump off the roof into the pool, try one of these genius tactics to keep them safe.
#1 Friends don’t let friends text garbage exes
Scientists haven’t figured out why we text our exes when we’re drunk, but oh boy, do we ever. And it’s never a good idea.
If you see a friend reaching for their phone after a few bevvies, politely but firmly ask them why in the sweet hell they’re texting someone who ghosted them three months ago.
#2 Don’t let them drink and swim
Aussies are raised with a deep respect for the water, but years of swimming lessons and our beach instincts seem to fly out the window when we drink.
In the last year, almost 250 people drowned in Australian waterways, and alcohol was a contributing factor in more than 10 percent of those incidents.
Alcohol impacts our coordination, judgement, and reaction time, which can be a deadly combo when we’re swimming. Drunk people are also way more likely to have an accident when they’re on a boat, crossing a river, or lying by the pool.
So, the next time someone says they’re going for a quick dip when they’ve been drinking, be a mermate and keep them on dry land.
Image: Jakob Owens / Unplash
#3 Stop them buying rounds
Drunk people are wonderfully generous, but constantly buying drinks for everyone is guaranteed to hurt their wallet and their head the next morning.
The next time you’re out with a mate who wants to shower everyone with love in the form of espresso martinis, remind them they don’t need alcohol to have a fun time. A true mermate can look after their mates and keep the party going.
Plus, they’re probably a poor millennial who can’t afford another $20 cocktail. Remember: water is free.
#4 Don’t let them be “that guy”
Every gathering must have at least one drunk person yelling at a complete stranger about something they’re absolutely not interested in. If you see this happening, you’re legally obligated to step in.
Your mate will thank you for making sure they don’t trap anyone in a long, boring conversation about sports, festivals, anything that happened in 2020, or It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
Image: Kampus Production / Pexels
#5 Put an end to their drunk shopping spree
Drunk people are always just one tap away from buying clothes, pet accessories, or expensive cheese that they don’t need.
And while getting mystery packages is fun, that shirt with Joe Exotic’s face on it will be funny to wear exactly once.
#6 WHY ARE WE YELLING?
Drunk people have lots of emotions and precisely one way to deal with them: to start yelling for no reason.
Reassure your buddy that you can hear them say how much they love you when they speak at a normal volume. And tell them that you love them, too.
#7 Don’t let them do the WAP dance
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but drinking isn’t a substitute for dance lessons.
#8 Keep them hydrated
Everyone needs to drink 10 times less tequila and 10 times more water on a night out.
The good news is that drunk people are gullible. Be the sensible voice in your crew and simply lie to your mate. Give them a glass of water and challenge them to a drink off, or call “shots” and swap vodka for water.
Image: Charlotte Harrison / Unsplash
#9 Hide their keys
Obviously.
#10 Take them through the Macca’s drive thru
You’re the best friend anyone could ever ask for.
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Bros before woes. Mates before mishaps. Put your friends first and lure them from the dangers of drinking and drowning.
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(Lead image: William Rouse / Unsplash)